Please me, please!

Maybe our very own sexuality is not about which genders we are attracted to, or how we like to “do it”, or how often or rare we want to “do it”, but how we relate to other people with our bodies?

My pondering about what commands our sexual acting boiled down to this hypothesis – that the base of sexuality in practice is we’re dealing with two opposite character types, the “self-oriented” personality contra the “self-forgetting” character.

If you belong to the first type your motivation for having sex is to satisfy your own sexual drive, your object is your own ego. Your primary focus is “me” and “my needs”. Sex is a clearly utilitarian activity: you have a physical need and you satisfy it. With whom or how is incidental.

If you are “the self-forgetting type” on the other hand, you only have sex with another person because you are sexually attracted to this special person and desire her or him. Your primary focus is “you” and not “me” and your desire is to possess the object for your passion. Attraction is your drive. You tell your partner “I want to make you happy”. Because that is what makes you happy.
You want romance.

This is two radically different and contrary sexual conditions – and no, they can NOT exist and work together in the same body and mind at the same time. They may seemed to cooperate in a sexual activity as the ego focused person certainly can fall in love – and the romantic person certainly have sexually urges. But the own sexual behavior over time shows a significant difference in the approach to others. It’s a difference in the brain functions in this two types.

If you in your youth have focused your sexuality to satisfy your own psychically needs, with anyone coming in your way – in practice: masturbated with another body as a tool – then you have trained your body to a sexuality that can’t provide mutuality, but is disconnected to romantic love. Love and sex are two different things in your brain. They are of antagonistic character. You have lost your sensitivity.

Later in life you may marry, but a long time relationship will not change the way you’ve trained your body and brain. You have taught your body a certain way to function and to enter into a romantic and longtime lasting relationship will not change your body’s preferences. “It’s just sex, it means nothing”, you explains it to those who not understand your sexual interests. You are a dog.

You are the kind who expects your partner to satisfy your “needs” in a relationship to stay faithful and you talk about sexuality in terms of “needs”. The expression “he don’t get what he needs at home”, illustrates this kind of sexuality. Cheating on your spouse is in this perspective “the other’s fault”.

Sex is above all to be able to communicate. And if you are not? If you are not able to communicate with your partner?

The other and opposite kind of sexual character can’t force himself or herself to have intercourse without being romantically involved in a partner. This kind of person depresses the sexual drive when being single and may live long periods in life without having sex. This person is a puritan in sexual matters. But being a puritan don’t tell any about a person’s libido. Even being a “sleeping beauty” not having a love relation, this personality can have a very vivid and strong libido when having a relationship.

The demands then on the partner is not then to fulfill “needs” but to respond with the same intense passion and all the time. This type can also be called the “moral type”.

pic from the TV serial “Doctor Foster”

I would not say the other is any better than the further. It’s not about that – but about how do you communicate? The problem that both this types brings into a relationship are obvious. The question I want to raise is – what happens if the immoral type – the dog – and the moral type – the puritan – becomes romantically involved with each other?

Can they build a working relationship with each other? Or are they doomed to become unhappy together? Is one doomed to please the other, in order to keep the relationship? Is one doomed to fake passion now and then, to get domestic peace?

Are any of these two capable to understand what causes disappointments and dissatisfactions with the outcome of the relationship in the other?

Ultimately, sexuality is communication. But if two brains not works the same way, how can a couple in a relationship come to a consensus?

Oh, but maybe this is simply what is called “marriage”? (I wouldn’t know having no personal experience of a long time marriage situation.) But even in marriage as in sex there must be communication, yes? For a good outcome, I mean. I would like to believe it’s more to “marriage” than to only coexist!

Well, I’m just asking questions. I have no answers.






Midnight chat

She: Were you in love with her?
He: We were just close friends and things end to have relationship in bed.
That’s the whole story
She: Why?
He: I knew her for a long time.
She: That is not a reason to have sex.
He: We used to go out with groups of friends, boys and girls. We were just friends.
She: And that is what your sisters do too?
He: Come on! What’s bring my sisters to that topic!
She: So it was not just “girls and boys”, “just friends” then. Who do you want to fool? Me? Or yourself?
He: Sorry. I wish you a good night. Take care.
She: Now again you want to sleep instead of sort things out!
She: Is this you how you will always do with me when we have a conversation you don’t like?
She: Bottom-line is what you want with me.
She: Hello?




“I want to kiss you” by Bassey Ikpi:
“I want to kiss you. shadow your jaw like against touch. touch you scent of musk. saltwater and sea foam clean. want to kiss you near God. Amongst strangers I dare either to stop me. Keep me. Want to kiss you bitter. Tired of waiting, wondering. Want to kiss you empty. Steady as forever. Small as favor. Maybe kiss you curve where shoulder meets neck or silk of throat. Perhaps rough of chin, inside elbows, wrists, then rest, smooth of chest. Back, hip to hip. Dip of belly. Want to hold you and twine like vows. Palm against palm. Fingers laced and waiting. I want to kiss you unbroken, before too many hearts snap like dried and dead things. This longing, like fire, like hunger, like nothing before or since. Just one, small, solitary kiss. No questions. No worries. No words. Just a kiss. Quiet. Quick. Subtle. Silent. It’ll probably speak volumes.”
Posted in Attraction, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A book is written

A book is written.
We’re at the end of
a story we wanted to
begin. I guess I’ll cry
tomorrow, off and on.
I guess he’ll also do.
All while life goes on
around us as before.
The book is written.
It ends like this.

Posted in love poem, manly body, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, short story, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment





Happiness is an overrated condition.
I cannot do it more than five minutes
at a time. So, let’s get a flat and a bed
and a fridge for two – and get over it!
Yes, become like normal people with
a life together. I see your radiant face,
it looks like if the sun is shining hard
on you – but your face shines because
you look at me! And I feels like I have
a lamp brilliant in my head and its light
pierces out of my eye sockets and it’s
all because of you. And this all together
with time – it’s quite unbearable. Verily,
I love you but happiness is an overrated
condition. It’s like become exhausted by
too much sunbathing. Simply too much
passion – all that love stuff! So let’s take
a break! You can go out on town with all
your friends and I back away to my
writing lair… Shall we?

Posted in love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tailing to dog? (Living in the English language)

I feel like I’m tailed at the moment? Some to dog me on my own blogs? Well, what can one do?  I lives on and spend my days as I use to do – read and write, eat and sleep, watching the news and a walk my dog…

I begin my day with reading news on the web. After Trump’s pompous entrance on the world stage I also try to read  American web papers.

Reading, one could think would be a good training to improve the English. And I’m always on a try to read a novel to improve my English – but I usually hit the wall at the first page, because my vocabulary is (still!) too limited. Novels are actually harder in practical reality than writing.

Well, poetry is what works for me in writing, not the prose. And web papers are easier to read than novels – but lazy, I in this likewise in writing I get away with online dictionaries and support of translate google.

But idioms are hard. A headline got my brain to drop dead the other day: “How the FBI tailing Trump could dog his presidency”.

I certainly knew what “tailing” means. It was the introduction of a dog in the sentence that got my intellect to collapse. Because dogs have tails my primitive brain told itself… and my silly brain made a somersault and lost grip or footing (?) and I sat there starring in blank at the headline for at least 5 minutes – deadlock, I understood nothing!

What a shame it was for me! (Having this blog since years back writing in English!)

It took some time to understand what the headline asked. It was actually the same question I had asked myself earlier after I had watched the hearing of the FBI man on TV.

I started to write in English first in 2011 after I had joined an online pen pal site … A daily writing to pen pals in English led to I began to think in English! And soon enough I became unable to conclude a written sentence in Swedish. It always ended in English. And it was beyond my will and instant awareness!

I’m not something as elegant as being bilingual as it is often  defined as the ability to effortless switch between two languages, and/or use them equally well. I masters Swedish, but I’m not the commandant over my languages! Yet my limitations, in the English I’m free from repressive life experiences “made in Sweden” and able to write  freely. But the Swedish language – it’s of course my base and bridge.

I wrote poetry in younger days, but I lost it. I couldn’t write in my native language for many years. The English language gave me the writing skill back as it provides me with an anonymity allowing me to be free to say whatever is on my mind.

It seems I lost this anonymity? What will be now, I wonder!

I have a British pen pal since many years thinking I’m good in English. But I certainly never have to use dictionaries writing mail in Swedish and seldom spell words wrongly! Looking closely, it’s the access to internet that makes me able to write at all! (And be read, of course.) (I never write mails in Swedish, by the way.)

I made an online proficiency test some years ago checking my skill in the English language – and the result was worse than I ever had believed. But it didn’t stop me from using the language. Now I have again made a test and got more gratifying results:

Summary of English skills
You have a relatively good knowledge of English but still require training in order to master the most complicated aspects of the language. Your score demonstrates a decent command of many aspects of grammar, while you don’t yet feel fully confident with some of the other grammatical categories. Your responses show that to a large degree you are able to understand complex texts that can be encountered in an academic or professional environment. Below you will find a summary of your score that can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses in English. When reviewing your scores, please remember that this test was designed for an advanced level of English skills in preparation for higher education.

The result shows I have problems like with prepositions and some verb forms, which I was aware of – and pronouns, which was a surprise. I have according to the test 100% knowledge of asked idioms. But that is not true in reality! It is real hard to understand idioms.

Especially when “tailing” and “dog” comes in same sentence. 😀

Prepositions and idioms is also the hardest for migrants in my country learning Swedish. I have often seen how this cause problems when I talk with people from another country. The migrant person become suddenly very silent and get the empty face you get when you don’t understand what your are told and feel very stupid therefore. It’s a very unpleasant communication experience to be exposed to – and a reason why many who have been affected by it avoid to put themselves into the same situation again, if possible. But then the necessary the language training goes missing!

To master your language or not master it, is strongly linked to feelings of confidence and having a space or the total opposite – feeling uncertain and uncomfortable.

It seems to me the official education in “Swedish for immigrants” focus too much on grammar training. And too many migrants in Sweden have a real lousy conversation capability in Swedish even after living many years in Sweden.

One problem is of course the teachers for migrants, native teachers are not good enough (sorry hard workers, but it’s what I’ve heard and read) and too many teachers have Swedish as second language and seems to have no feelings for the language at all. (Yes, and this is terrible – people spend years training a language they are forced to learn to get a job and learn nothing, when all they want is to get a job and be independed!)

It is a bit embarrassing – or comic? – migrants who get education in the Swedish language on SFI (Swedish for immigrants) on one hand hardly learns to speak or write Swedish effectively – on the other hand tells with their poor Swedish that I, a native Swede and skilled in Swedish, can’t speak Swedish correctly…  😦

I don’t argue  – as I have never learned grammar. No, I play by ear. Language is rhythm like in music. And English is the only other language I can play and have ears for. I can’t learn Spanish, German or French.

In the 60s Sweden had many guest workers coming into the country. There were by then no  demands or obligatory to learn Swedish or to be assimilated – neither any such were offered! People lived here for a while in camps and then they returned to their home countries. Those who choose to stay had no other choice but to socialize with Swedes, learn the language and assimilate. The way is to get a steady job, marry a Swede and raise a family.

Theodor Kallifatides is a Greek man and he is a Swedish writer. He was born in 1938 in Greece and immigrated to Sweden in 1964. He deputed as a writer (writing in Swedish) in 1969 with a collection of poems and he has thereafter for nearly half a decade written over 30 novels and worked with translations, etc. – in Swedish.

At the age of 77, he sudden suffered writer’s block. So he went “home” to Greece on a vacation – and got there the idea to start writing in his native language, the Greek. It worked out well and the result is a book with essays about writing. This book he has now translated into Swedish and it was released in March this year, 2017. Kallifatides is now 79 years old.

And he was now in March interviewed for his latest book in a literature program on Swedish television.

The following is what he said on TV:

A point of migration that is rarely talked about, that is what you lose. You lose your sensitivity, you lose your memories – you lose parts of your heart, actually. Especially if you have made it to your program to at all costs get into the society. But everyone pays a price – no, but my only way to not pay that price was to start write in Greek – and it was a feast! It was a feast – my whole head opened up. This thorn wreath, I have always had around my head when I wrote in Swedish – it disappeared: all those “do I write it right or wrong?”, “Is this how it is said in Swedish?” And if you ask a Swedish person, you never get a response other than “we don’t say like that in Swedish.”Well, thanks for that!

(Asked by the TV host if he experiences any difference in writing in Swedish or in Greek he said:)
I am much more confident in Greek, even if I make a mistake in Greek, it is my fault (…) but the secret behind my language ( Kallifatides refers to his writing in Swedish) are the enormous lack of security. I must think back a thousand times at every sentence, to be sure that this is as how it is said in Swedish.

(In a playing mood Kallifatides then smiled and asked to the program host:) Do you understand what life I have lived?

(The host ignored the issue and thanked Kallifatides for the interview and went ahead with the show.)

Talk about reading novels, by the way. I just started to read John Grisham “Roque Lawyer” translated into Swedish. My first impression was that he writes exaggerated scenes just to get his book filmed – and earn even more money? – the second impression is that his descriptions of the American legal community is absolutely disgusting. And I wonder if what he writes is true (terrible if so), or if he is a conspiracy theorist? Or a populist, raking the way for people like Trump? How can the American book market stand this man telling so horrible stories about the own society? Just giving him credit?

Anyway, reading this the book seems to me to be a pitch black highway to depression. But in Sweden the lights has returned out my windows, the spring is around the corner. There are other routes to follow. And I’ll go downtown tomorrow and return the book at the library – unread.

As I don’t have to read it, if I don’t like it. And  – to close the circle – what’s the good with curiosity reading? Tell me?

Final quote:
“I guess I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m president, and you’re not”, Donald Trump told Time’s Washington bureau chief, Michael Scherer.




Posted in create life, immigrants, living in the world, My Swedish Corner, online friends, poems by vonnely, politcs, reading, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ms. Evil Eye on visit

A childhood ghost 




I have my roots and past 350 km near,
the ghosts around the corner. But my
glee and future are as far as 3500 km
away. What now – Ms. Evil Eye on visit –
I spit three times over my left shoulder:

If she comes near me again I swear
and promise I would rather kill myself
than let her stay around, because she’s
nothing but messy dirt and degradation
from past and evil times – a ghost from
what once was but is no more. Whatever
she tell herself her intentions are, all she
can accomplishes is to fill me with creepy
feelings so heinous I’d prefer to be dead
than relive them again. Now – as before
she never has one good word to say but
sly snide and sarcastic comments. It’s like
she think she knows me, owns me and has
rights on me and my life, as if I owe her
any. But I deny it and  curse her to get out
of my sight so I can live and breathe, free
from past shadows – be in the present and
see a future and you, whom I love.

Roman-era mosaic from Antioch depicting a plethora of devices against the evil eye, Wikipedia







Posted in antagonists, living in the world, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, rebellious lovers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This love from a space afar

Photo by YB November 2013

I asks the empty sky “what have I done wrong” –
when I get love I get it in another distant space?”
Its challenges is – so far – to be too far away; my
lover is out of reach, but yet he crackles and heats
in me – like a wood stove from my childhood afar.
This love given me to tenderly hold in my heart –
ordinary life becomes a miracle from above and
it’s all because of him, my  far away spaceman!




Posted in create life, living in the world, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thank you Chuck, thank you all musicians…

Chuck Berry died March 17 at age 90. I’m so happy for artists like him and Etta James and all those other musicians and singers which brings joy and courage to my heart even the bad days – particularly the bad days.

Posted in create life, inspiring music | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Our German Angel

Today Merkel will meet Trump and I keep my fingers crossed for Merkel, she’ll do well!





When others fall she stands tall,
the German Angel and mother to us all.
Born and raised behind the Soviet wall,
she has become the one all leaders call.
She’s met them all, the phony Berlusconi
her true fan the howling wolf Erdogan
and Putin riding his bear, calling her “dear”.
All those men with power, dicks and guns,
she got them all on her shoulders once
and this little woman is our true hope
and the only one Trump can’t cope,
truly she’ll will hang him in his own rope!
Yes, bless Merkel, in the democratic circle!




Posted in borders, create life, living in the world, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, politcs | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blue Anemones and about a Swedish racist party calling itself democratic


Donald Trump has again pointed a finger “see what happened in Sweden”. But what Donald Trump believes has happened in Sweden or to Sweden has not yet occurred. It will never do!

Not that the country lacks problems to deal with, I don’t say that.

But it is peaceful here. We all in Sweden just now wait for sign of spring as the wild spring flowers: the tough and hardy little sunshine Cotswold, the plentiful overflowing Wood Anemones soon enough on every little hill, in nice company with the smiling and flirty Yellow Star… and we are lucky to see the shy little Blue Hepatica. From the same family as Wood Anemones, but not as abundant as its white sisters. Fragile, tenderly beauty to love…

Like the Swedish poet Tomas Tranströmer describe the flower in a poem he called The Blue Anemones:

To be enchanted – nothing is simpler. It is one of the oldest trick from ground and spring: the Blue Anemones. They are somehow unexpected. De rises out of the brownish rustling last year’s leaves at overlooked spots there the gaze otherwise never stays. They burns and hovers, yes hovers! And it’s because of the color. That eager violet blue color now weighs nothing. Here is ecstasy, but low below the ceiling. ….. (the poem will be continued at the end of this post)

I don’t know if it is a local curiosity, but in Sweden the political parties are not only described in colors but has often chose a certain flower as its symbol. The Sweden Democrats has chosen the Blue Anemone – or the Blue Hepatica to be exact – as a symbol for its party…

The same precious little spring flower our poet Tomas Tranströmer chosen to his poem from 1983. I am of course not amused by this coincidence, bringing the flower pushed back down in the brown leaves from yesterday darkness.

In American press, getting an interest in Sweden politics thanks to Mr. Trump’s earlier slip of tongue, The Swedish Democrats has been described as a Swedish conservative party. That is so very wrong.

The conservative parties in Sweden are four in a block cooperation: “The moderates” and “The Christian Parties”, true conservatives parties and they are in company with two other bourgeoisie parties, namely The Liberals and The Centre Party (a rural party).

The Swedish Democrats is in reality an anti-democratic, nationalistic party with roots in Nazi and racist groups. They are to compare with Front National led by Marine Le Pen in France – and like Front National there are very shadowed in connection to Putin’s Russia.

In practice “persona non grata” party in Swedish politics area, hated like the plague by the other traditional parties.


The Moderate Party leader Anna Kinberg Batra shaking hand with Jimmie Åkesson, leader for The Swedish Democrats after a hearing in the parliament. This handshaking became a news paper scandal – as the members of Swedish Democrats Party are “personae non gratae”, meaning they are ostracized in parliament by members from the other parties.


As a true racist party, the policy focus in every context on to discredit Muslims and foreigners. The party has only one explanation to every alleged social problem they describe – always caused with what they call “Muslims” and people born in other countries than Sweden. Every political issue will be solved the same: forbid Muslims to live in Sweden, forbid immigration. They go so far in their polemic as accusing all Muslim men to be criminals and rapists.

They are associated with anti-democrats groups in the EU.

They all avoid to criticize Russia.

And the Russian activities as well as anti-democratic parties’ agenda is to undermine the democracies in Europe. And so as well in US! Putin’s agenda is well-known and bothersome for us in Sweden and people in Europe: he works powerful with to undermine the European democracies with organized troll news and money supports to antidemocratic movements.

The Swedish Democrats was formed 1988 and has very quick become slimmed and clean its out brown look and the leader seems extremely trained for the job. In spite the racist allegations it has succeeded so well it has become the third biggest party in Sweden and established itself in the parliament. The last an equal chock for common Swedes as for the common Americans, Trump actually won the Presidential election.

They run today the rhetoric in the public discourse. All this annoying talk about “refugees”, “immigration” and “criminality” everywhere, even from overseas…

In spite all this yelling about “Muslims” at the public arena, the current problems in Sweden is not “Muslims” or “immigration policy”. It’s in the big picture how to keep the welfare system for everyone, now when the large 40s generation has reached retirement age. We actually need people to replace them on the labor market.

What Sweden suffers coming on the headlines – making a loudmouthed and ignorant man as Trump to point his finger – is a wave of gang criminality there very young people              (children actually) in early teens are provided with guns by older people belonging to a hidden, larger and organized criminality connected to drug dealing – and those youngster has introduced a “justice of the street”. And this exploitation of children is as ruthless and brutal as trafficking.

Almost every day or week News reports of another teenager has been killed on a public place.

These crimes are of course hard for the police to investigate as no one of this gang members talks to the police. Not common people around this shootings want to tell any either – as who wants to be shoot in the head…

What scares is this murders take place on public places, like a parking place, nearby a grocery shop or a school there innocent people comes are at risk to be harmed.

We do have “ghetto alike” rental areas in Stockholm, Malmö and Gothenburg. So even in minor cities as the city closest mine about 100 kilometers away. There are certainly criminality in my city too. But tell me a city on earth which hasn’t!

Even if I live in residential area with many people with low income and many from refugees from Africa too, I live a very peaceful daily life fear nothing from any.

Sweden is a good country to live in for rich as well as for poor – we all pay the same fee at the health center (about 17 to 23 dollars). We don’t have to die of curable diseases because we can’t afford to see a doctor or get hospital care. (And Mr. Trump, for us it’s normal and everyone’s natural right – and not “a complicated thing”!)

All the schools holds good standards too, even in suburbs areas, at least comparing to how it is in – even – US. (Not to talk about other parts of world.) And our “ghetto alike” areas holds middle class standards for the apartments comparing to other places in world. And no one must have to have 2 jobs to pay for rent and food, like is common in US.

The big issue for Sweden as a country is not having too liberal rules for refugees to come here or for having immigrant groups assumed to cause problems by ignorants.

The immigrant rules we have current are from 2016 and they are settle to stay ahead coming years – and they are more restricted than Trump’s prospected wall ever will be. (As he will never make it come true, even if he on the road will cause many defenseless individuals unnecessary suffering.)

Violence provided by “Muslims” is actually not a problem, but we have scary race motivated hate crimes, causing danger for innocent peoples’ life. During last year xenophobic citizens causes danger for people by set fire to refugee lodgings. Under the year 2016  there were 92 fires on refugee lodgings, 53 of them caused by “unknown perpetrator”, in only 2 cases an external offender has been identified. The victims of the fires were already traumatized and frighten people, including many small children. So far has no one been killed – yet. But this happens in the tracks of the anti-democratic movement.

Instead of talking about which groups  mostly provides  crimes, it could be a good idea to look at which groups are most affected by crimes and violence. As being native Swede I feel very safe! Really!

We have actually a too restricted immigrant policy for the time! But it is caused of  practical reasons and not ideological ones – we were in fact run off mattresses for people to sleep on over nights and refugees were forced to sleep on the streets – in the middle of the winter! And the servants at The Migration Authority migrations were – and still are – understaffed and worked 24/7 and were all worn out. Furthermore the townships could not provide enough housing for new citizens. The government was forced to make a powerful intervention to put a stop to it. Even if they hated to do it. And they did – hated to do it!

But what are  Swedes in common interested in? Well, we Swedes are mostly focused on the public service programs with glittering song contest to the final Eurovision Song Contest. So when Donald Trump asked what happened in Sweden “last Friday”, the most Swedes actually sat in front of their TVs watching this crap. Yes, really!

So IF anything had happened “last Friday”, we would not have noticed it! We’re just interested in what’s on TV screen, surf on internet and read about miracle diets for claimed healthy outcome – and going outdoors we are only looking for spring signs.

(Talking about “1984” or “The brave new world”!)

As the increasing light returns to this distant, dark little country… Seriously, Sweden is a sparsely populated isolated area very far north with plenty of room for new residents. But we lack housing.

And as I said, the big “M” is not for “Muslims” or “Moderate Party” but “Mello Festival” (nickname for Melody Festival), those races every Friday weekend with gala and parties in different cities in Sweden –  for the big Eurovision Song Contest. Yes…. this is the most important thing for a common Swede today, no matter age. (I heard this races ended last Friday, so I wonder what my neighbors will do this coming Friday tonight…?) 😀 😀

The good thing with Mr. Trump’s  talk and random attack on Sweden it made me (and others, I guess) start to read American web papers  – and Swedish news media started to publish articles in English for people abroad.

This interests is declining for me. I began to lose the interest when I read a long investigating article there a journalist in end claimed the refugee restrictions from the Swedish government was caused by a murder of a young assistant on a refugee camp. Such stupidity.

And then I read – for example – an American article about liberal values, Sweden – and (of course!) refugees, written by James Traub (New York Times, March 7)…

The author of the article said Sweden should be aware certain people (Muslims) will have problems to accept the rules in a democratic and highly secular country as Sweden, with its freedom for women and homosexuals. And he pointed out those migrants Sweden received earlier in time never had this problems to assimilate. He mentioned Chileans, Curds and Bosnians.

Yes but? This is very wrong! The Chilean refugees caused a lot of problems in the 70s. Not at least because of domestic violence.

Even the most conservative Muslim men coming to Sweden now are more freely than those South American catholic refugees coming in the 70s. I was married to a Chilean man 32 years ago and been in that group a short while so I know from the inside what I’m talking about.

The Kurds… well there you have “the honor culture”. Kurdish women and girls had some strange habits to commit suicide jumping from a balcony – until our naive authorities realized it was murders… Yes, we Swedes can be naive, no doubt!

When it comes to Muslims with traditional values there are and will be social problems caused of their ideas about sexuality and women’s rights and school girls’ mandatory participation in gymnastics lessons and swimming lessons. (I have some personal insights there too.)

No doubt there are conflicts! But actually, like in US, different groups CAN live in same country.

But really, to compare refugee groups like this liberal man do in his article, is to slip on reality so very unfair and wrong. Refugees are for obvious reasons traumatized when coming here. But it is not fair to compare groups who have lived here for 40 to 50 years with people who may has been here for about 10 months! That’s lousy!

From where do this liberal man get his rhetoric, I asked myself when reading him? Coming back to that…

It is prejudices (in Sweden as well as among people abroad, like from this man Traub) to believe people coming from Africa are all uneducated. It is true for unaccompanied children refugees in early teens, this group has certainly never got a proper chance to school education. But when it comes to adults’ refugees, the most who has the possibility to get out of their countries are middle class people having professions and most often they have academic trainings of different kinds.

But Swedes tend to treat all from Africa as if they are all illiterates. (Just imagine how annoying it must be for the already affected person, dealing with all other emotional struggles belonging to refugee situation and than be treated as an illiterate!)

We have what is called a structural racism in Sweden, which prevent migrants to establish to use their qualitied trainings in Sweden, as the same Swedish labor market screams for educated people in the same professions, like in the health sector and construction industry. The problem is not located in the individual person coming here as an immigrant, but in the Swedish system not able to assimilate people from abroad and take advantage of peoples skills.

Another thing disturbing me much about this talk about different cultures and immigrants alleged problems to assimilate in a new country and it is this focus on refugees.

But what is a refugee?

Yes, what is a refugee? Well, it is a person who flees from his or hers country inflected of war and violence in order to save the own life. And what do we do? We sit here and say, “but will he/she be able to live here and assimilate to Western values”.

What do you mean, if you think like that? Is it better this person stays in a war zone to be killed? Because “we” don’t like this persons eventual worldviews? Well, what kind of world view do we have then?

Tell me, please!

Remember this: Hitler succeeded to murder millions of Jews. And we let happened – because they were Jews (or Rome or mental retarder).

Is it what you would do if a fire started in your house, valuate people in the burning house before considering to eventually save their lives?

What a shame on our humanity! Sharpening, please!

I don’t think Sweden should be blamed for trying to hold a high level of humanity for the individual, we should be honored for it! As the Americans are proud over people like Martin Luther King and his movement.

Traub starts his article with writing about a saying he claims to be typical Swedish and typical for the Swedish debate climate. It’s “corridor of opinion”. It’s a common expression in Sweden he say. But I had never heard about it before I read his article. So I called my son and asked about it and he said actually  this phrase exists, but it is introduced in the public rhetoric by The Swedish Democrats.

In the 70s the left movements own the public arena rhetoric, people like the romantic poet Tomas Tranströmer was mocked by stupid and “radical” young intellectuals. But today it is voices we thought never to be heard again, coming from the graves of our bad past.

That is the really bad thing in today public discourse – not only this man, Traub, but overall in media and in politics – the rhetoric for the day is settled by racist and anti-democratic and reactionary movements. We all are infected! That’s terrible!

The common expression I know off is not “corridor opinion”, but is to say it is “low under the ceiling”. The opposite is“high under the ceiling”. I’m not skilled enough in the English language to know if there any English equivalents to this expressions?

Back to Tranströmer and his poem… He uses this two expressions in his poem, “low” respective “high under the roof”. As said it is the common expressions in Sweden to my knowledge.

Further he introduces mystically the city of Nineveh in his poem about the Swedish little spring flower and combines this with a quote from a local medieval chronicle. (The Chronicle of Eric). Heavens know why! But I take the liberty to replace this obscure passage in the poem with a line about Trump and the White House. Because what Tranströmer actually refers to in the poem is an enigma for me, I don’t know it.

Please note this: You are not allowed to translate a poet’s work without having permission for it. And I have not. The translation here can not be spread and used further in a public context, it is only for to illustrate my reasoning in my post and must stay in its frame.

I’ve translated the title to “Blue anemones”, but the proper name for this flower is Blue Hepatica. I think “Blue Anemones” is more romantic and poetic title.

The Blue Anemones (Från ”Blåsipporna”, ur samlingen “Det vilda torget”, 1983 by Tomas Tranströmer.)

To be enchanted – nothing is simpler. It is one of the oldest trick from ground and spring: the Blue Anemones. They are somehow unexpected. De rises out of the brownish rustling last year’s leaves at overlooked spots there the gaze otherwise never stays. They burns and hovers, yes hovers! And it’s because of the color. That eager violet blue color weighs nothing nowadays. Here is ecstasy, but low below the ceiling. “Career” irrelevant! “Power” and “publicity” – ludicrous! They seemed have arranged a great reception at the White House (with many loud trumpet solos for nothing). High under ceilings – and above all heads the chandeliers hanged like vultures of glass. Instead of such an over-decorated and clamorous blind alley the blue anemones opens a hidden passage to the real feast, which is dead silent.












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Yearning to be your number one





If you say “I want to see your
country” and not “I want to go
to your country to see you”, if
you say “I wish to travel to see
the world” and not “I wish to
travel to see you”, why do you
then become annoyed and
surprised when I ask “and what
about me, am I only the tool to
make your future dreams come
true”? And why am I sad and
surprised, now when it seems
you’ve revealed you really not
care  that much about me – like
you always told me before. Oh,
I guess I  believe in everything
you say, being such a fool in love –
yearning to be your number one.

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Was it worth it?

Bunker, Dennis Miller. Yellow Rose. c. 1887.

I woke up today feeling hurt,
saying to myself: I just wanted
to be loved, was it too much to
ask for?

I say woman to woman – if a man
causes you more tears than smiles,
you better think twice, because
it’ll never be good or better!

Falling in love, oh that’s wonderful.
Relationships is another thing – it
begins like a treasure from heaven
but after a while it’s a life like in hell.

And how is it really:
In the past you’ve excused parents,
friends, siblings and lovers for not
giving you the love you deserved
and yearned for. When will you
end finding excuses for having
been misused?

When will you
make a stand for yourself?

Oh man! Last night your verbal
clumsiness made me feel like I’m
not only unloved but not lovable
at all! Was it worth it for you?


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Male vanity

Gothenburg 2015 Swedish winter bath

touch gently your little tummy for me
big man afar your hand for my hand
and know I’m happy you have a soft
tummy to share with me and do not
fuss more about having one but keep
it right there for me until we‘ll meet
tummy to tummy and shining Moon




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Fading love

Swedish painter John Bauer 1882-1928 “Prince without shadow”










We crowned each other with our
hopes and desires and we called
it “love” and talked the language
of love and seduced ourselves to
believe this was true love. But now
the romantic colors begins to fade
and I guess within a year from now
we will rarely remember the other.
You will probably marry a woman
who suits you better than I do and
I will still be single with romantic
dreams. But I must admit I still hate
the mere thought of you with another
woman. Yet all the sweet will vanish
until it doesn’t matter anymore.





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Wasted tears

I’m still under your spell
wasting my tears over you
wonders what bad can ever
I’ve done to get so much evil
back life has surely not been
good to me and never better
it gets yet a little love for love
is all what I ask for but no  I’ll
never be free as long I’m still
under your spell if this is love
what then is sorrows

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A religious man

Did you have to break my heart?

If love is what you feel for me, as
you say?

Your sister did not do “a mistake”,
given you the right to put her on
the street and withdraw her your
love and protection, leaving her to
disgrace and be abused by men.

And you told me you’ve misused
women the same way for pleasure
(and it was a pleasure for you!) and
you call it normal for men and now
you expect me to love you anyway.
Sorry, but I’m just disgusted.

And “the thrill is gone”, gone away like
a bird never coming back! But yet –
did you have to break my heart?



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Fallen Angel

Lately it has been much of Tracy Chapman. I love her lyrics, but one line has caused me trouble: “I received an honest answer / When a lie would do”. I even felt a bit resentment of this line – because me personally, I can’t cope with lies and I hate hidden truths. But last night I was told something by a loved one I wish I never had been told – I now understand the meaning of that line in Chapman’s song.


Through all years that have passed
I’ve kept in my memory the moments
when skin tenderly touches skin and
two hearts beat in same rate. I have
seen my angels, my lovers and
heroes in my mind fallen to
ground, crashed.

(Of different reasons,
but never like this now!)

And always music floats in my room
and follows me out on the street and
on my walks in woods and fields, carry
me further then nothing else carry.

Last night I saw you my angel, my hero
and desire coming to me being straight
about yourself, only to fall to the ground,
crashing, a fallen angel…

…because I received an honest answer
when a lie would had been enough and
no music in this world can restore my
attraction for you, prompt dead.




(the lyrics in the video is Czeck)

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Morning, Monday and March





Morning, Monday and March.
A thin layer of snow on ground
at my yard and more is said to
come. Winter has returned. It’s
a bleak day and I’m bleak too,
suffering a never ending flu.
I think of you (I always do.)
So far off as you are!

Life has split up and gone
undercover as worms, eagerly
they loosen up the soil, giving
the grassroots room to stretch
and grow. I wish next summer
will come with you. (And I’m
happy you wish the same!)

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Once we were young and pretty

thin-skin-1Once we were young and pretty,
but now we’re old and what then
rose high and proudly is now grey
and dried, low and slow and life
has become a struggle with our
bodies failures.

Although we have lost the beauty
and attraction of a youth, we need
and desire the same as the young.
Our thin and frail skin is starving,
longing to be touched by a lovers
healing hands – because the older
we get, the less we get.

robotic cat for elderly

robotic cat for elderly

Our future is no longer an endless
road with yet coming possibilities
in a wide landscape, but a harbor
and a sign telling you “road’s end”.
You surely knew it, but now it’s your
own personal and brutal reality with
no options.

Soon enough you may end up at an
elderly care, sitting at a window with
your hands idly resting in your lap –
drifting in thoughts of your childhood,
absently hoping for a visit or what for
dinner. But you have lost your taste
robotic-petfor food and your sons are too busy
living their lives to have any time to
visit you.

This can really be our final destiny:
To become exiled and limited objects
for professionals briskly and alienated
measures. Know: they have invented
robots to satisfy our emotional needs!
But what to do? Well, we can run away
to become musicians in Bremen.

poster Pigpen Theatre Co. BREMEN

poster Pigpen Theatre Co. BREMEN

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Too easy

röd ros törnkivst
it was too easy for you then to let me go
because I made you angry and hurt but
yet you couldn’t free yourself from have
me on your mind all time and all the love
you held back got your heart to bleed
from the rose thorns, unable to put things
right you handed it to me, a word was all
it took, it was easy for me then to let it go


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Live longing







To love and live longing for someone
is like living with a slight but persistent
toothache. With time you gets used to
these dull pains in you and it lowers to
a mumbling bumbling bumblebee – it’s
like having a trying pet, yet a companion.
The absence in you follows you through
your day and delays you from fall asleep
at night. Then in your sleep your lover in
person comes to visit you in your dreams.
Next morning the same grim pain greets
you “hello” and “good morning”. Misery
keeps you bonding to your beloved and
you realize it well. But it’s past your will,
it’s the persistent desire in you keeping
your beloved. Because Hope dies slow
and it takes so long time to let go.

John Bauer (1882-1918) Prince in Moon land 1907

John Bauer (1882-1918)
Prince in Moon land 1907


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Know your enemy


jeanette-vizguerra-denver-4-children-and-3-grandchildren-in-us-illegal-since-1997 sorce CCN

jeanette-vizguerra-denver-4-children-and-3-grandchildren-in-us-illegal-since-1997 sorce CCN







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Trump “loves Sweden and the Swedes” – and the Swedes?

peeking-around-the-corner-3Trump ” loves Sweden and the Swedes” – and the Swedes? No, we don’t love him.

This “so called” President is a catastrophe for the free democratic forces in his country. What’ll come after his disasters is hard to say, but it’ll be tough times for “the people” he claims to represent. Hopefully for the rest of the world his damages will be limited to stay inside the borders he tells he cherishes and the walls he wants to build.

When it comes to his “fake facts” about Sweden, some Swedes fears – yes, even our government  – he will destroy our “image” abroad. I don’t know what “image” we have overseas? But he has surely put Sweden on the map. Good! You are all welcome to visit us and see – not a Paradise, but a very nice country in a troubled world.


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What can I say? I still miss him

What can I say? I still miss him.
The days passes – as in a dream,
but I guess this is called “to live”.
Muteness spreads in my body –
even to my heart. What is, stays
the same but less painful. What
can I say? I miss him as before.



Vad kan jag säga? Jag saknar honom fortfarande.
Dagarna passerar som i en dröm, men jag antar
att detta kallas att “att leva”. Stumheten sprider
sig i min kropp, även till mitt hjärta. Det som är,
det förblir detsamma men mindre svårt. Vad kan
jag säga? Jag saknar honom fortfarande som förr.


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Walking alone



People who wishes I should be happy
or strive for to be it, annoys me over all
limits. I simply can’t stand them or their
demands on me to legitimate their banal
worldviews. Personal happiness is such
an overestimated ideal to hold and as a
desire nothing but a diversion and dead
end. To be moving is what’s essential for
both body and brain. Walking alone is
better than to join the noisy crowds paths
and it’s better for your wellbeing to walk
alone than to live with negative folks who
breathe acid over you all the day long and
poison your life over time. Beware of those
who talks you down, while claiming they
want to lift you up! Though, it’s certainly
a basic fact the human species survives
through others and become sick or even
dies without them. Yet, you’re never such
alone as long you have books and music
and drama, as long there’s nature around
you and pets to tenderly touch. You have
your dreams to dream and memories of
a love that once was yours. It’s no others
business. You love those you meet until
they proves otherwise, not being lovable.
Most do, but it’s not a proof of anything.
This sad world, jailed by social systems,
need its lone walkers on the wayside, to
become created over and over again. And
personal happiness is a diversion, but to
be moving is essential. Happiness is only
a bonus – if it would occur.



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No, nothing happened in Sweden last Friday





I spend all my days at the laptop writing, reading
web papers, chats with people but as far I know:
No, nothing happened in Sweden last Friday!

Yes, our world is an arena for villains – where a
clown can become a President but as far I know:
No, nothing happened in Sweden last Friday!

If something happened in Sweden last Friday, we
Swedes would like to know, but note Swedes likes
modest people telling the truth. Sorry, Mr. President….


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I used to dream about you

Summer dreams, acrylic painting by Aldo Luongo

Summer dreams, acrylic painting by Aldo Luongo






I used to dream about you,
your kindness and your love.
What will I dream about now?

Light returns nights get shorter.
My days are endless empty – what
do I do when I can’t think of you?

I yearned so hard once in life get
a wonderful summer, full-bodied
me and mine. I imagined with you.

angsblommor 4

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there was once a time
blooming-thistleI was transported around
like a bag – childhood times
ending in left to loneliness

new times, you flies over
the world in a second, yet
you never leave your room
disclosing yourself to clouds
lands hard on living room floor

I’ve never before had so many
friends and never before lost
so many so hard and so hurtful

my love turned around to be just
a mirage in your desert, the one
you painted for me like an oasis.

I can no longer sniff honesty and
blooming-thistlegood will from dishonesty and
betrayal, before it’s performed

I have to bite your cheek to know
your flesh and soul is real, taste
your blood in my mouth to know
you are you

and I did and now you’re gone
wounded and I flies alone in an
endless space where there’s no
light and cold stars are so many
my tears freezes to ice

cold and cleared in my head and
heart and my feet grounded, I got
a lesson or two – to make it better
next time

(a heart’s desires never dies and
hope knocked down raise again
like a Fenix bird)

see sunrise… you never saw it
look better than aged battered
to the ground, eating thistles…




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The path to the ponds nearby my home and heart

Are you sure life is like a path
and not like a duck swimming
in the pond begging you for a

Are you certain living is about
goals and successes and not to be
like a duck swimming in a pond,
begging you for bread?

I’m just asking!


Life must not be funny. It is good
as it is. You must not be a success,
not even to yourself. You don’t need
to be good. You are okay as you are.
When sun shines hard and strong –
every speck of dust double-exposed,
then it is hard to let go. To let it be
good as it is. Let it be. You can allow
you to smile a little. It won’t harm you.

Life is hard, for some of us harder.
But there are moments for everyone.
You’ll survives on them over the pits.

To look aside at others and envy them
diminishing the pleasure of your good
moments. You have to keep focus and
breathe calmly and confident, as only
in perspective you’ll see the fulfillment
that is yours.


Two of the pictures are from ponds and natural reserve 5 minutes walk from my home across a meadow – and yet I actually live in an rental house in a city. The video below is a promotional video, but I didn’t find another video that I liked with this song by Tracy Chapman and its specific lyrics I wants to share with you. In a way the images match my subject. 🙂

 (from the album Our Bright Future 2008)

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No, I don’t wish you “the best”!






No, I don’t wish you “the best” when
letting you go. I don’t wish you luck.
If you can’t stay with me to love me
as you should do, you can as well
spend the rest of your days in hell
and be sorry for you couldn’t hold
on to me. If you had had a heart –
and love in it – you would not have
flattered yourself with nice phrases
such as “I wish the best for you”
The best for me was you! But I
said: “burn in hell, you hypocrite!”
And then sadness was all over.


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Lost heart

lady_dog-2I knew right, but I made it wrong.
You knew wrong but made what
was right, now you’re gone. You
said “love” and you said “forever”
but it was just words you spread
around like lost leaves in a wind.
I’d tell you “sorry” if only I could,
but you gone just the walls hear.
I’m left to be the one who erred.
I lost my heart but I survive, yet
I never want to fall in love again.


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Valentine’s Day next

For Valentine’s Day
I don’t want flowers.
Not even from you.
I just wish you’d call
and say to me “hey,
I still love you”. But
I know this won’t be.
So my keen hope is
Valentine’s Day next,
someone else’s love.

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You’re gone (?)

images bok





I can write epistles for hours and
days about how much I miss you.

And I do.

(I work hard to find the right words
for this specific condition: to miss
someone – that you kind of vanish
in periphery in the writing process.)

(And days passes by and becomes
weeks. I walks in dusky deserts and
I can’t believe it’s true, you’re gone.
But you are obvious not with me!)

(Can I even remember your face,
I ask myself?)

(Yet in a break, like between sleep
and awakening, or like when I go
to the kitchen to make some tea…)

(Sudden comes the memory of your
face for my eyes, sharp and clear as
at a professional taken photo. Then
instant missing you hits me hard and
tears comes with no permission… )

(I can’t, can’t, can’t… No, I can’t grasp
the grim fact you’re gone – and gone
forever. It can’t be true?)

Can it?

red_rose-1483879 nnnn

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I buy cat litter and on the bag is written
the content is environmentally friendly
and further the information provocative
encourages me to “Choose joy”!

Every time I go the toilet to pee I read
this “Choose joy” and every time I ask
myself: “Could I – or should I – abandon
my blue moods to cheery laugh around?”
But then I may slip on an icy patch and
hurt me (again)? As life is terrible hard,
trust Trump on that!

And I read an online self-improvement site…
it was about how to break down the walls in
your mind to reach success and happiness…

No matter how you personally defines it!
(that’s Trump again!)

I heard a life style coach on television talk
about broken relationships and what his
personal experiences from a divorce had
taught him – and it all can be boiled down
to three rules, he said. First: accept you
have been abandoned and the love is over
for good. Secondly: don’t talk to everyone
you know about your suffering crisis, but
lean on a few close friends.

Thirdly – well, I’ve forgot what that was…

Because I looked at his vulnerable face
and eyes and it told me he had not yet
overcome his grief and sadness – no
matter what he said. But whatever is?
Make a living of it? (Trump once more).

I have not accepted what went wrong
between you and me. I don’t want to!
But I have only talked about you with
my son (that’s good then!). But even
he expects I have overcome you now.
I have not! Cohen had his secret life.
So have I. Because you can’t turn off
love like you turn off a water tap.

I knew right, but I made it wrong.
You knew wrong but made what
was right. Now you’re gone and
all I have is a paper bag wisdom
containing the litter that sucks up
tears you don’t dare to care for.
You said “love” and “forever” but
it was just words spread like litter.


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April and silence

Lady looking at herself in mirror with quizzical expression





painting by Henri de Toulouse Lautrec

painting by Henri de Toulouse Lautrec


That stranger’s face in my bathroom mirror?
It looks oddly familiar? Oh yes – oh no…! It’s
me! Those furrows from nose to mouth, deep
as ditches – where did they come from? And
for how long have they been there? What do
you mean you loved? My secular mind and
soul you rejected me for! Oh well, it’s still
February but April and spring will soon be.
It’s my birthday in April. But after the 60+
a birthday is just one more step to the grave.
The only on fire is your silence. It burns me!






In order to write, you must read – and what poet would a Swede like me read if not “the one and only” Tomas Tranströmer, diligently translated – yet not easy to fair transfer to another language. (Still here in my translation to visible my inspiration.)

April och tystnad (April and silence)
nnfrom Sorgegondolen 1996










Posted in aging, create life, inspiring literature, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, Swedish poem to English, translations by vonnely, Tranströmer, walk of life, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’ve got the flu but where are you?






I’ve got the flu but where are you?
I’m all alone at home and I tremble
with fever and I miss you so badly.
You should be with me and make
me some herbal tea, have a cup
with me, lying beside me on my
bed, talking soothing to me about
coming summer and sun and you
and me and how much you love
me. No more “but” between us
and I would love you even more.


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Ball and chain







Do I believe he ever loved me?
Well, I believe he thought he did!

I think he still does, because
you can’t turn off love like you
turn off a water tap.

But I think he’s into something,
just to forget me. And it isn’t right!

Yet I’m not a Marilyn in negligee…
but a woman of a certain age…

It wasn’t fair what he did to me. Butjanis
women at my age either have power
but maybe not love or live life with
neither – but with a ball and a chain…
And I’m so utterly powerless…

See me now humming on my postlude
chant, fed up still hooked yet thinking
about giving up the “chick lit” poetry…
(got my (Mon-) RÅ tail burned).

(And what would I then write about?)
(Well, I honestly don’t know!)

I’m so bloody down to earth, that’s
why I’m stuck with my blue moods.

That’s why I’m sitting at my window,
gloomy yearning, numb yet in tears
listen to Janis Joplin… Oh, she could
scream it out, couldn’t she! But I can’t!

With pain in my heart I quietly hum
“love? no never more, never again!”




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On the road again






Too often I feel I’m on a road going nowhere,
and that I’m always judged never good enough
to be loved, tears flowing down my body richly
as rain in the gutters on neat house walls cute
decorated with plants. Always an outsider andpic_1200_2
feeling “not belonging” I bumps into walls and
walls and all those walls everywhere I go. Still
I keep on write the same on them walls – about
love and longing and loneliness, whatever what
is and will be – and that is how it is with me.

Yet you asked me such as “why do you always…”
and made me feel questioned and defensive. But
maybe you really wanted to know me and maybe
you wanted to understand me. But do you know
so well your own underlying feelings and motives?
Or were I as an alien to you? I certainly wishes to
be understood and accepted by people. But you
were not “people” and by you I only wanted to be
loved. No questions and with no “but”. But a “but”
was what you gave to me! Now I’m the road again!


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Lifting me higher and lovelier






Maybe I will be lucky and
someone else comes my
way, but “someone else”
can never be him.

But the thought does not
hurt anymore. Yet, what
lingers will not be good.

That to say – our memories
adapts to fit our new views.
To say – memories are lyingcolor-glasses
to us…

As he is the same, no matter
time or color of my glasses!

He is and he was a lovely man –
nice and sexy, but narrow-minded,
bound to his dogmas, grim for a
loving woman. That’s why…

his love didn’t lifted me higher,
but lowered me down – and he
refused to admit this was truth
about him. (As a lover!)

(Yet, whether looking back or
looking forward – what is true
in a world of “alternative facts”?)


Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth dancing in the movie “You never where lovelier” from 1942. The song they seems to dance in this video is “Your love keeps lifting me higher and higher” – yet this song was released firstly 1967 (with Jackie Wilson). So what music did they really dance to in the movie?

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Blue doors reveries






Blue doors reveries, timeless but passed.
That blue door to him, such as he closed.
He took his frozen mind and with his hurt
burning feelings he welded a key. Chilled,
he took it and with no word he locked her
out of his heart and life and left her at an
unexplained field of thistles. And yes, it is
he who has the key! That is how it is.



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“The Swedish system more racist than the US”

This following post is certainly not poetry but prosaic reality! It’s a blog post I just now have published on my blog My Swedish Corner (in Swedish). Many Americans are upset and worried these days after Trump has become president of US. As I see Americans read my poetry blog I thought maybe my story can give a little contribution and balance in your views.



I had an appointment for an MRI early this morning. My son came home late last night to be my supporter. I have seen this X-ray machine in picture, so I was doubtful if I would dare to expose myself to such an investigation … And I have a “pen pal” on a site from Brazil. A tough guy of the 61, a tattooed hard rock fan. This tough man recommended me to take someone with me for support – as he once was called to do this examination. And in spite he got six soothing syringes he was not been able to go through with it. And I listened to my friends advice and asked my son if he could come home to be my assistance. (I was tempted to terminate the appointment, but my son did not want to hear about that).

So my son arrived by train from Stockholm yesterday evening. And as often he took a taxi from the railway station to my home. The taxi driver was a man from a country in Africa. Taxi drivers are often migrants in Sweden.

Taxi drivers, bus drivers or cleaners – that is a common future for many foreigners coming to live in Sweden. As my son used to say “Sweden has most educated taxi drivers in the whole world”.

It’s so sadly badly true! When I lived in Uppsala for more than a decade ago, we had a young black and very smart young man as neighbor. He had two academic degrees from the University of Uppsala. And still he worked as a taxi driver. That is how it is here. We have in Sweden doctors, nurses, nuclear physicists and all sorts of highly skilled people who comes here in good trust and with a baggage being highly educated in sectors there we very much need people. Those migrants fights here for years only to get their good hopes dashed. Then if they can get the chance – they move to the United States or to Canada.

The taxi driver from yesterday is trained Bridge Construction Engineering. He has spent four years here to “validate” his training. And that is what the Swedish authorities obliged migrants to do, no exceptions. He has applied for a lots of jobs over the years and has not even been offered an interview at any time. So now he drives a taxi. But in the coming days he will leave Sweden and move to the United States. It took him about six months to get a Green Card. It took him about 6 weeks to get a job in the United States.

He said to my son, “Swedes are nice people, but the Swedish system is more racist than the United States.” So now Sweden lose another highly educated person – we actually need here!

The examples are many – for another example – a specialist trained nurse from USA were also forced to “validate” her training. But still she could not get a job in her specialty. She worked 10 years as an unqualified nurse assistant – never getting a job corresponding to her skills. Then she gave up and returned to the United States.

Note: this is the rule and not an exception of the labor market for migrants in Sweden. The problem for migrants is NOT the Swedish people’s attitudes – and it is not how “to learn the language” (as our politicians loves to nag about).

The problem is the system with Swedish authorities who methodically and effectively prevents people from other countries coming to work here. We have put racism into system. And it works excellent. Politicians imagine that even after about 7 years in Sweden, a person from another country has not yet received not even an offer of a job! And people who come here want jobs, not goodwill.

How long will we have it this way? It is shame, really!

Regarding my MRI investigation it went well. It had a touch of Science Fiction or of Kafka. But I’m glad I live in Linköping and not in Stockholm as my son – where the medical staff runs in the corridors instead of walking like normal people and work themselves to be completely burned out. While the local (conservative) community politicians of the city claims Stockholm’s health system provides a good health care for people and good working conditions for the stuff. They are apparently both blind and death.



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I greet you (Blue City)

Not all the sad amorous poor boys of Morocco
looking for a better life and a living, nor its sweet
clementines, sugared mint tea, almond cookies or
silly Laws of Allah can give me any relief or escape
from my own life mystery, my daily life hardships
or all the sorrows I struggle privately or overtly.

cat in Chefchaouen

cat in Chefchaouen

I’m so fed up with my emotions – always too much
of words and too little of deeds. I wish for an open
door to my mind to let the hot cat out, to give me
some peace in my troubled head and heart. Truly,
I feel like a romantic fool living in a fantasy world.
All those tempting but mushy and mixed feelings
wasting my time and wear me out – while I deeply
longing for serenity to come my way, to make me
wise and better in tune with my age and maturity.

For all what you never were. For all the love never
came into use. For all the happiness past my nose,
just to leave a scent of what could have been. For
all bitter tears fill oceans. For every new morning’s
“maybe” never come true! For all the “forgive and
forget” I never learned. For all and for nothing. For
the boys of Morocco! For Blue City dreams and for
distant trades. For the vibrant red blood in my veins
and all the homeless cats in world – I greet you all!

Cat in Chefchaouen Morocco

Cat in Chefchaouen Morocco

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The day begins as gloomy as I am





The day begins as gloomy as I am –
instant pain in my heart the same.
“Good morning” I greet my grief and
make myself a plate with yogurt and
oats to soak. I take my dose insulin
and wash my hair. “Life can be good
even with diabetes”, “we” are always
told. If it was not good before so why
would it be now? And you told once
“I have a friend having the same and
she’s perfectly happy, why not you?”
I thinks, fall in love with someone as
blunt as you is worse than living with
diabetes. So, why when do I wake up
with a pain in my chest, missing you?
Why fear I this grief will vanish and
I’ll forget you? You’re right, I should
be perfectly happy with life – you off!
I’m not. I eat and sleep and miss you.


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The tears you never see

like you have showed up to vanish again
all the time we known each other, gathered
resentment for the pains I felt and still feel
that I missed you, now my anger scares you,
still you never sees the sadness you caused
the marbles you played with were my tears

meling ice hearts 2

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Early Morning

woman with a cat, Pablo Picasso 1900

woman with a cat, Pablo Picasso 1900

I wake up very early in the morning and
I start to read through my old texts, those
I work on now to do something off. And it
strikes me in my reading, some years ago
I had not yet realized commas is differently
used in English language than in Swedish.

So sudden surprisingly a wish rises in me –
I want someone I know to read my lines…

But same instant I realize I can’t bother
him as I probably have lost him. Though
I wasn’t aware he was someone I wanted
to share my thoughts with – as emotions
pulled us together but the gap between
our ways of thinking divided us.

I don’t know if I master English commas
better now. Probably not.

(Maybe I should write in Swedish… and
settle with read for my cat only? Be safe –
as she loves me no matter what I think or
or say or writes?) ( No, I don’t mean that!)

If he chooses to go, I wish he would go to me.
But there’s nothing I can do.







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Poor sleep

And I’m going to bed again
looking for the sleep I’ve lost.
I may have lost my direction,
I surely lost the purpose with
life. I indeed don’t want to die
and I surely don’t want to live.
All I ask for is one good night’s
sleep and it’s not given to me.

Continue reading

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Sudden curve ahead


Sudden curve ahead. The road takes
a sharp turn here and I need to slow
down speed, get the brakes working
well for me, not too hard and not to
little, steer with care and not to panic.
At first it all was so hard and sad for
me, this quarrel. Now I’m more like
numb. To the other day, all I wanted
was to be with him. But now I don’t
know what I want. He makes me cry,
that much I know. For now he keeps
away, that much I know. I take it easy
and that is not an easy thing to do.


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Loved at last

She wanted to be loved, but didn’t
know how to be loving, only how to
be evil and deceptive – an intriguer
who slandered those whose love
she craved for.

It is my oldest sister – she died last
night. Not loved in life, sometimes
even hated for her deeds – but as
dead, she’s mourned. Loved at last.



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Now when you got me

Now when you got mepooh1
you have other things
to do, like take a walk
sleep late in mornings
meet with friends and
help your mother with
something. You’ve me
I’ve the male mystique.






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fingerprintJag vaknade i morse med en
svag sveda av sorg i mitt bröst –
i nästa ögonblick identifierade
jag känslan och tänkte lättad
“Åh, det är jag!”

I woke up this morning with a tiny
tingling feeling of sadness in my chest.
In next moment I recognized the sense
and relieved, I thought “Oh, it’s me!”

Posted in create life, poem in Swedish and English, poem in Swedish translated to English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Polar Times






There are times you stand as a polar bear
between two ice floes – one foot in the air
and trying to get over save not wet your
feet, when in fact your world is melting
down and threaten to drown you.

It is then the communication between you
and people around you may collapses.

And I give up to try to talk more about my
state and all I say is “I’m fine, thanks.”

The silence around is compact, you could
almost touch it – if you tried! (But you don’t!)

I sleep badly and short but often and I read
novels to pass the time, (while wondering why
any bother to write such a lousy story, to make
a standpoint an essay would do better).

Later and moving on with life, you will forget
about the passed frustrating time. But a thorn
will still stay to sting you deep inside.

text phone korr

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