We have a love thing going

In retro perspective dreams are just memories of time we wasted on what might be nothing. Dreams belongs to and are seated in our futures, but for what purposes? Only to keep us struggling on in the now? Or is it any other meaning with them, tell me?

We had a love thing going,
he and I and we were both
dreaming of the other. But
it wasn’t the same dream.

We talked tenderly
in dark nights, while
we at the daytime tried
to balanced our different
lives like tightrope walkers.

And we put the other in trust
to keep believing that one day
we would share the same warm
blanket on this cold place people
calls Mother Earth.

Thus we smiled all time, although
deep down we were so unhappy.
Were we then foolish or brave?
As we wasted our lives on what
might never will come true?
All that time that’s past?

And it is true I’ve tried to flee him,
but love is a mystery you can’t rule.
My rational mind cant’t defeat our
rebellious hearts and desires.

We have a love thing, he and I and
we still dream about the other one.
I am his dream and he is mine.

Arthur Rackham THE-FAIRIES-ARE-EXQUISITE-DANCERS (cropped image)


Posted in create life, dreamers, longing, love poem, love story, morality, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, rebellious lovers, relationships, repression and borders, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The lyrics to “Lady Of The Rose” sung by Emmylou Harris 1970

Emmylou Harris Lady Of The Rose 1970

This is a song from Emmylou Harris  youth. I don’t know if she is the songwriter. A video of an event with her on a TV show  1970 was published on Youtube this year.

She never recorded this song. And the lyrics seems not to be found on internet either. So I have spent hours listening to her singing and written down her words and compiled it to a text as it might once was written.

Hair comb with flowers bridesmaid hairstyles

I have no license to publish the video here, so those interested in hearing her sing the lyrics  must go to YouTube and search for Emmylou Harris “Lady Of The Rose”  and Fugue For The Ox” 1970. Or you can copy this link:


It’s a pity she never recorded this song and if anyone know her, ask her so kindly “please do!” It’s such a strong and sentimental and beautiful song – simply amazing.



I know Sophie, she lives upstairs
and sometimes she combs it down,
her long graying hair.

And she wears it gathered loosely up,
pin back with a rose, whose petals are
turning black and beginning to fall.

Don’t talk of where life goes, she won’t
understand, she pretend she can’t hear
you, though you know that she can.

Oh, everyone has tried to teach her
to say “goodbye”, but she just can’t
stand it when the roses die.

And her eyes are lost children that wait
for him from the morning to the day to
the lights are dim.

And the nights must be long and lonely
more than I never know, she just won’t
let the roses go.

He’s not in the backyard, he’s not in
the hall and she can’t hear his laughter,
he’s not there at all.

So she waits and waits and waits for
nothing, but in her heart she knows
that it’s gone and gone forever and it
tears apart her soul.

So I leave my Sophie with her dying rose,
I can’t reach you with all your doors and
windows closed.

But I wonder if I ever loved the way
you do and have it break me the way
it’s broken you?

Emmylou Harris 2006


Emmylou Harris Gothenburg Sweden 2017

Posted in inspiring music, inspiring songs, poems by vonnely | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sadness is a seven letters word




Sadness is a seven letters word. Seven
black drops dirt your skin and you rub
and rub to clean it off you, but you can
still see there are remains of the stains.

Some people are just like living under
a leaking roof. They constantly drips
black sadness over you.

If you can’t get the leaking ceiling fixed,
you should not stay under it. You know.
But maybe you want to stay because of
love? Or whatever you call it?

He always told “I love you”, but why was
he then like a seven letters spelled word?






He made her sad and maybe it is bad,
but who cares why an old woman cry?
She should simply lay down and die.

Posted in armed loneliness, become old, create life, dreamers, heartache, loneliness, love poem, old age, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

November haiku

In dim November
I rest in your breathing
My nest in dark nights

Dunkla november
vilar jag i din andning
Mitt bo i natten

Posted in Attraction, Autumn poem, darkness, love poem, poem in English and Swedish, poem in Swedish and English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

For the sake of love





When love is over and you
have blown and then blown
once more on cooled embers,
for the sake of love,
for the sake of love,
for the sake of love,
but see there’s no spark more
in your heart for the other one
and you start to go backwards
through the door, slowly and
with care, as you do not want
to hurt when you leave; your
bitter tasting sadness will be
to learn that to break up and
leave can’t be done painlessly.
What you now do in honesty
and freedom will hurt the one
you once loved most of all, but
not do anymore. We all have
blood on our hands.




När kärleken har tagit slut
och du har blåst och blåser
ännu en gång på kallnad glöd,
för kärleks skull,
för kärleks skull,
för kärleks skull,
att så inse att där finns ingen
gnista mer i ditt hjärta för den
andre och du börjar backa ut
genom dörren, långsamt och
försiktigt då du inte vill såra
när du går – bittersmakande
sorg kommer att lära dig att
bryta upp och lämna inte låter
sig göras smärtfritt. Vad du nu
gör i ärlighet och frihet sårar
den som du en gång älskade
mest av allt, men inte gör mer.
Vi har alla blod på våra händer.






Posted in heartache, lost, love poem, love story, morality, poem in English and Swedish, poem in Swedish translated to English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, walk of life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things are not what they should be

In Swedish below

It is the seventh of November and the sun shines like a madman through my south windows. It has been for a week now, November and this sunny madness. November should be nothing but a gray and dull month. You shall wake up in the morning and it’s gray out there, outside the windows. And you should be tired and struggling with yourself to start the day to be a good one in society – or a good one at least in your private little kitchen corner.

Our famous president – please God, let new times come soon – said about one of his guys, being criticized, “he make money, what’s wrong with that? He make money, folk!”

Yes, if it was about having a normal job which supported himself and his/hers family and giving a future for them, okay! But it’s about another “make money” and the thing is when people get bloody rich, there are always others who have to pay for it.

It is not being a good man, whether in a personal or social perspective.

It is not enough to say “Hallelujah!” on a Sunday in the church. You have to do the hallelujah on Monday as well.

Everyone has the right to have an opinion. Even in Spain. (?) But all that’s not illegal to do is not right to do.

art performance by Mattias Norström


Tax planning is a big thing in Sweden. We have plenty of wealthy people in Sweden who are taxing abroad and create even more wealth than they already have.

Add then the wages they have for their managerial jobs.


Investigate journalists have examined how “famous” people have invested their money.

Leif Östling Chairman for “Svenskt Näringsliv”

One of these very wealthy people with leading power positions in Sweden that has been “revealed” by the media is Leif Östling. He is the chairman of the organization “Svenskt Näringsliv.( In translating = Swedish Enterprise, it’s an organization representing private companies in Sweden.)



He is one of the Swedes who have used Malta’s tax paradise to avoid Swedish taxation.

Now he is criticized for – not for his actions per se, but what he said about it, interviewed on Swedish Public Service TV.

Quotes from the intervju:

Leif Östling: I don’t have a bad conscience for that. I think I’ve done right for me in Sweden more than most others. I have paid for at least a thousand taxpayers. (…)

Leif Östling: People are planning and looking over their finances. There is a problem with the Swedish tax system, that there are so insanely high taxes in this country. (…)

Journalist question: You are chairman of “Svenskt Näringsliv”, how do you think about social responsibility and taxes?

Leif Östling: I think I have taken a lot of social responsibility. I have always paid taxes in Sweden for everything I have earned in this country.

After the interview, Leif Östling calculates how much tax he has paid and sends the information to Swedish TV (SVT). It’s about SEK 180 million in Sweden and Germany, only since 2010. He writes that he chooses to count from 2010 because it was the year he reached common pensioner age of 65, but instead of slow down, he continued to work and pay taxes. He was head of, among other things, Scania in the Volkswagen Group until he was 70 years old.

Journalist question: If you have paid all that taxe money, why not pay in full and do the right thing in Sweden for just what you have?

Leif Östling: No, why then? Now we have this structure is here, so let it be here.

Journalist question: What does it mean for the society if every individual only looks for his own best in this matter?

Leif Östling: Yes, there is always an egoism in everything. One can also ask if you pay 20-30 million SEK a year, what the hell do I get for that money?

Journalist question: Do you get nothing for the money, you mean?

Leif Östling: Not much. (laughs)

(end of quotes)

He has been hard criticized in the media for what he said in the interview. Even by leaders in business and his own acquaintances: it can damage the corporate image, they say.

So the man is criticized for saying what he honestly thinks, not for his actions in the tax matters. Which are – as all the rich people point out – not illegal!

I think it’s bloody good people are honest about their real opinions. This in itself creates a better social climate. We should all know where we have each other! I don’t like his views, but I appreciate he tells me what he really think. So give the man praise for his honesty!

Now this, he says that he has paid so much money that he has paid for a thousand taxpayers counted in crowns – the truth is that much more than a thousand low-income earners have paid for his wealth! Get real, man!

And what does he get for the money, he asks? A well-functioning infrastructure without which no company can exist, that is what he get and demand of the society he despises.

I have worked as an underpaid healthcare provider and I have fed and washed the ass on old and sick people like him. When people grow old, poor or rich, the body organs breaks down, one by one. You poop in your pants out of your control – and (once again) a woman clean up after you and wash your butt, just like a baby. A woman feeds you again like you were a baby. Your bed is cleaned and physicians’ gathers around your bed to provide you with the best care and pain relief that can be, no matter how much money you’ve hidden abroad from Swedish society.

Rich Swedish people settles in Spain and Portugal when they becomes pensioners but still are healthy. Then, when they get very old and need care, they return to Sweden for free cancer care and other public care.


No ** go to one of the Cayman Islands and bury yourselves on a beach in the sand.
Shame on you!

In November sun at the end of the year, it is 2017!

We are born naked alike. And death does not differ the poor from the rich. But too many dies unnecessarily of poverty and misery. Because the sun does not shine equally – not even in November in the year 2017! We have not yet as one humanity accomplished better than a few percent of all people owns everything of everything and the overwhelming majority owns nothing, not even their basic needs.


Right now as I write this, an old and big building in Stockholm is burning. It’s a house there only very rich can afford to live. Tax-funded 6 fire brigades work hard to extinguishes the fire. The entire area is blocked and people evacuated by police and fire brigades. That’s what Östling and all others gets for the tax money.

Big fire in Stockholm November 7, 2017

In Swedish below:






Det är den sjunde november och solen skiner som en galning genom mina söder fönster. Det har pågått en vecka nu, november och sol. November ska bara vara en grå och glåmig månad. Du vaknar på morgonen och det är grått därute, utanför fönstren. Du ska vara trött och kämpa att kunna börja dagen och vara en duktig en i samhället, eller därhemma i köksvrån.

Vår berömde president – get the new times come soon – sa om en sina gubbar, kritiserad, “he makes money, what’s wrong with that? He makes money!”

Ja, om det handlade om ett vanligt jobb där han försörjde sig själv och familjen och sin framtid, okay! Men det handlar om helt andra “make money” och grejen är när folk gör sig förmögna, det är alltid andra som får betala för det.

Det är inte att vara en duktig människa vare sig i ett personligt eller samhälleligt perspektiv.

Det räcker inte med att säga “Halleluja!” på en söndag i kyrkan. Du måste göra halleluja på måndagen också.

Alla har rätt till att ha en opinion. Även i Spanien. (?) Allt som är lagligt att göra är inte rätt.

Skatteplanering är en stor sak i Sverige. Vi har gott om förmögna personer i Sverige som skattar utomlands och skapar ännu större förmögenheter än de redan har.

Lägg till lönerna de har för sina ledarjobb.

Grävande journalister har undersökt hur “kända” personer har investerat sina pengar.

En av dessa förmögna människor med ledande maktpositioner i Sverige som har “avslöjats” av media heter Leif Östling. Han är ordförande för organisationen “Svenskt Näringsliv”.

Han är en av de svenskar som har utnyttjat Maltas skatte paradis för att undvika svensk beskattning.

Nu är han kritiserad för – inte för sitt handlande per se, men vad han sagt om det, intervjuad on TV.


Leif Östling: Jag har inte dåligt samvete för det. Jag tycker jag har gjort rätt för mig i Sverige mer än de flesta andra. Jag har betalat för minst tusen skattebetalare, säger han.

Leif Östling: Folk har ju planering och ser över sin ekonomi. Det är ett problem med det svenska skattesystemet, att det är så vansinnigt höga skatter i det här landet, säger Leif Östling.

Journalist fråga: Du är ju ordförande i Svenskt Näringsliv, hur tycker du man ska se på det här med samhällsansvar och skatter?

Leif Östling: Jag tycker jag har tagit väldigt stort samhällsansvar. Jag har alltid betalat skatt i Sverige på allting som jag har tjänat i det här landet, säger Leif Östling.

Efter intervjun räknar Leif Östling själv ihop hur mycket skatt han har betalat, och mejlar uträkningen till SVT. Det handlar om 180 miljoner kronor i Sverige och Tyskland, bara sedan 2010. Han skriver att han väljer att räkna från 2010 därför att det var det år han blev folkpensionär, men i stället för att trappa ner fortsatte jobba och betala skatt. Han var chef för bland annat Scania i Volkswagenkoncernen tills han fyllde 70 år.

Journalistfråga: Om man nu har betalat all den där skatten, varför inte betala helt och hållet och göra rätt för sig i Sverige för precis allt man har?

Leif Östling: Nej, varför då? Nu finns den här strukturen där, och då får den ligga där.

Journalistfråga: Vad betyder det för samhället om varje individ bara ser till sitt eget bästa i den här frågan?

Leif Östling: Ja det finns ju alltid en egoism i det hela. Man frågar sig också, betalar man in 20-30 miljoner om året, vad fan får jag för pengarna?

Journalistfråga: Får du inget för pengarna menar du?

Leif Östling: Inte mycket. (Skrattar)


Han har senare blivit hårt kritiserad i media för vad han sa i intervjun. Även av toppar inom näringslivet och hans egna bekanta: det kan skada företagens image, menar man.

Så karln blir kritiserad för att säga vad han ärligt tycker, inte för sitt agerande i skattefrågor. Som alla rika säger: det är ju inte olagligt!

Jag tycker att det är skitbra att folk är ärliga om sina åsikter. Det i sig skapar ett bättre samhällsklimat. Vi bör veta var vi har varandra! Jag gillar inte hans åsikter, men jag uppskattar att han berättar för mig vad han verkligen tycker. Så ge mannen beröm för hans ärlighet!

Sedan detta att han säger att han har betalat så mycket pengar att han i kronor betalat för tusen skattebetalare – sanningen är ju att mer än tusen låginkomsttagare har betalat för hans förmögenhet.

Och vad får han för pengarna? En väl fungerande infrastruktur utan vilket inget företag kan existera. Vilket han som företagare kräver av det samhälle han utnyttjar och föraktar.

Jag har jobbat som underbetald sjukvårdare och matat och tvättat rumpan på såna som han. När folk blir gamla, fattig eller rik, pajar kroppens organ en efter en. Du skiter i byxorna och en kvinna torkar återigen upp din avföring och tvättar dig ren, som en gång bebis. En kvinna matar dig igen så som du var bebis. Din säng bäddas och läkare samlas runt din säng för att ge dig bästa möjliga vård, oavsett hur mycket pengar du har snott från det svenska samhället.

Rika svenskar bosätter sig i Spanien och Portugal när de ännu är friska pensioner. När de sedan blir riktigt gamla och behöver vård, då kommer de tillbaka till Sverige för fri cancervård och annan omsorg.

Nä för fan, åk till nån av Caymanöarna och begrav er i sanden. Skäms!

Novembersol vid årets slut:

Vi föds nakna lika. Döden skiljer inte på fattig och rik. Men somliga dör i onödan av fattigdom och misär. För solen skiner inte lika över alla ens i november 2017. Längre än så har vi som en mänsklighet inte kommit ännu. Några få av alla människor äger allt av allt och majoriteten äger ingenting och får inte sina mest grundläggande behov tillgodosedda.


Se vidare



Östling är emot lönedumpning och föreslår subventionerade löner, dvs. löner betalda av det offentliga (staten) för jobb i privat näringsliv.

Just nu brinner ett rikemanshus i Stockholm. Av skatter finansierad brandkår släcker. Det är vad Östling får för pengarna.

Posted in become old, borders, create life, living in the world, morality, poems by vonnely, politics, reading, relationships, Sweden view, Swedish conditions, web papers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


Even though I fell away you were there
when I returned, silent as ever before.
But the following night an anxiety dream
aroused me and I could not sleep more.
You in my head and I felt scared for you.
Will ever this love story become real?

Posted in create life, dreamers, love poem, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, rebellious lovers, relationships, repression and borders, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A love story in summary

First you got me miss you
Then you got me love you
You indeed got me to sing
Ending, you got me crying



Posted in Attraction, heartache, inspiring music, loneliness, loss, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We travel on the same bus in different worlds

I had such dreams latest night! Just before
I woke up I dreamt I was on a bus full with
other people and I was in company with a
person I’m not comfortable to be with. But
I meet with  her only in her profession. In
reality. So why would I dream about her?

In my dream the woman had an illness requiring
her careful treatment during our travel. I realized
then she actually had very little time to assist me.
We travelled on the same bus but under different
conditions. Then I locked at the other passengers:
we who all were on the same bus, the same route!

And I was thinking: there must be almost as many
stories about this same travel in this same bus with
this same route as people participating in it. Almost,
as one or another might were somewhere else lost in
dreams with only their bodies present with us. Only
they can perceive and tell about their true travels.
We travel on the same bus but in different worlds.

“Jesse Stone” (character in crime movies) and his dog












When I woke up from my dream I became sitting tired on
the bedside  for a while and I was thinking:

“It’s how it is, you try and you try and try until you can’t
try anymore. Then you realize your latest tries was more
of denials than real efforts to restore what you have lost.
You’ve lost your direction. And you simply need a label
to live with to move on with your life.”


I’m in despair  – as I have recently tried to call you twice but you
just disconnected my calls? I have tried and tried, now we’re done!

Posted in armed loneliness, body image, create life, dreamers, living in the world, loss, maturity, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, prose poem, Short prose, walk of life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vad som är lycka skiftar (About happiness)

Vad som är lycka skiftar. Lycka för mig nu
skulle vara att bara hålla dig in mina armar,
uppleva den tunga massan av din kropp och
dess levande värme och känna hur ditt hjärta
slår mot mitt hjärta och andas dina andetag.
Bara det, och jag skulle vara helt lycklig!

What is happiness varies. Happiness to me
now would be to just hold you in my arms
and experience the heavy mass of your body
and its living warmth and to sense how your
heart beats against my heart and to breathe
your breath. Just that and I would be happy.


Posted in Attraction, dreamers, loneliness, love poem, poem in Swedish and English, poem in Swedish translated to English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate and roses



The Basque (The Kiss) by Francesco Hayez 1859




If you give me chocolate
I’ll give you a kiss, tasted
If you give me roses, red
I’ll give you my true heart
unlimited, if you love me
as before – oh, you don’t!




Posted in grief, heartache, loss, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it”

John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it”

After the last killings, Manhattan October 31, 2017, I felt such an overwhelming tiredness coming over me when I heard it on the news. It comes again and again and year after year, these mass murders. And then the day after media shows a photo of some strange fellow looking odd and weird.  This last loser says has shouted “God is greater” when he left his vehicle.

But God said “Do I know you? No, I don’t think so!”

It’s All Saints Day today in Sweden. No, not “Halloween”! That’s a kind of American carnival custom imported into Sweden and I like other “old fashioned” Swedes dislikes it.

Church Röke Sweden

I like the image of a deserted graveyard at night when all gone home after traditional have decorated the graves with wreaths and lighted candles. It is an image revealing I have a romantic mind  – because I have never seen such a view at night time in reality and I have never decorated any graves either. Not as I lack deceased relatives who would have appreciate this kind of remembrance. But none of them rest in a graveyard nearby  me, but are all far and outspread over the country – and further more, my past it just depressing stuff I’ve just cut it off.

But why do we celebrate saints, when we have not been Catholics since the 1500s? Well, because we think it is “All souls day” we celebrate. But “All souls day” is actually the day after. Yes, I’ve spent the day surfing for knowledge online now again. 🙂

It’s also “World Vegan Day” today, instituted 1994 by Louise Wallis, Chairman of the Vegan Society UK to draw attention to the vegan way of life and recall the founding of the world’s first vegan association Vegan Society UK, formed in November 1944 by Donald Watson. Watson was also the one who coined the concept of vegan. (all information from Wikipedia).

More Wikipedia: Speaking in 2011, Louise Wallis said: “We knew the Society had been founded in November 1944 but didn’t know the exact date, so I decided to go for 1 November, partly because I liked the idea of this date coinciding with Samhain/Halloween and the Day of the Dead – traditional times for feasting and celebration, both apt and auspicious.”

Well? That’s just sick! 😦

I’m not a vegan, but I’ve been a lacto-vegetarian since the midst of the 70s. It’s a very long time! And “old fashioned” as I am I don’t even eat food called vegan-bacon or vegan-ham, only the name gives me nausea. 😦

But I eat dark chocolate for example… And  meanwhile I do that I will daydream in the darkness in this cold November, now beginning!

Don’t forget:
John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it”



Posted in create life, darkness, dreamers, food, living in the world, past, poems by vonnely, sadness, web papers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Online friends, good and bad ones

I have been a member on a pen pal site to and fro since 2011. I have met a few friends for life there, as Anne from England – a very nice lady now 76 years old. We been friends for 6 years now. And I have met Mohamed  from Morocco on that site, though who at the moment is not talking to me. But it his choice. I still love this stubborn friend. Still fire certainly dies without oxygen. It’s sad. But “sad” does not mean being badly harmed getting scars for life.

This following is a telling how I today been reminded of people who really harmed me, giving me scars and  changed my view of people and world in a negative way. But I’m not sure if I can put the bad experiences into words, it’s not easy to express painful emotions in prose.

I have met some more friends than those two mentioned above that was real and true people. For some reasons and I don’t remember why now with time we lost contact. A few years ago I had pretty much online friends. Not so now. You discover with time it’s not easy to meet true people and lasting friendship online. The saying “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince” applies well for trying to find true friends online. All those hundreds and hundreds of fakes and scammers I’ve met during the years to be lucky to meet only a handful good people – it’s just terrible!

As said, I have a membership on a pen pal site since 2011.  I have deleted my Profile sometimes, not depending on lack of interest from my side, but because of the overwhelming number of scammers and sexual abusers on this site. The most of them are what’s called romance scammer. Some want money, some looking for sexual meetings. And some are nothing but sexual abusers.

They are actually at times so many of bad people on this particular pen pal site I wonder how those bad apples ever find it profitable to hunt there?

Regular professional scammers are for the most American middle age men. One of them calling himself “Bill” succeeded to really fool me during a couple of weeks. I thought I had met a serious man and could see the possibility of a common future together. “Silly me”?

That positive impression and friendship died instantly when he asked me to put some money on his bank account!

The most fraudsters though are just clumsy amateurs, mostly a kind of romance scammer outside Europe  not asking for money. They are looking to take advantage of a white and older and lonely woman –  like me  – living inside the EU, falsely believing a marriage with a European citizen would give them visa and a better future.

But so stupidly foolish the Swedish migration authority has never been – and nowadays it’s out of question to get a visa to Sweden as the borders since 2016 in practice are closed. Even serious relationships are denied such applications. Even foreigners with a job in Sweden for years back, a stable home and children born in Sweden are expelled without any mercy. It’s terrible, but still another story.

Some men from some countries are more characteristic than others to mistreat women. Men from India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh for example. They have a manner to talk to women as we are ignorant morons.

Some American and some European men do that too, certainly. They are just not as active and many on this online site as men from Asia and Africa. I don’t know much about them as they start with flirting and I’m just not interested in such and delete them. Except for that “Bill” guy then, who seemed so sympathetic at first … Cleaver devil… 😦

It took a while to regain my wounded pride and self esteem after I had blocked him, but it was all it was about it with that bad adventure. He was a professional romance scammer, but there was no sorrow for a lost love in my heart. Thank God for that! 🙂

Apple basket, oil painting Russell Gordon born 1968

I have had contacts with some guys from a couple of Arabic countries. But nowadays I mostly avoid people from those countries too. Because there a too many bad apples in those baskets.

But it’s shocking – a whole generation young Moroccans men want to leave their country, because the lack of good future opportunities there. And so then – we have all those young Moroccans who sudden falls in love in an old woman like me.

(I’m not talking now about my special friend from the same country! There are too many white west people talking shit about Muslims and Arabs just because they are just that, but don’t try that racist talk with me. I hate it as much as I hate Arabs talking shit about black Africans and condemn homosexuality.)

I guess everyone knows about the flood of Moroccans who have come to Europe for a future here. It’s not easy to legal come to Europe. Some succeed better than others – as they have nothing at all to lose. We have about 800 underground living children living in Sweden coming from Morocco, most of them sleeping on the street and addicted to drugs. Some of them are as young as 8 to 10 years old. They have never been in a school or been in a normal home and are very violent, able to kill for a cookie.

But back to “my” pen pal site and its members – people from Algeria are very special  too. Not at all like guys from their brother country. The Algerians (on this site!) are not so much looking for coming to Europe. They may be more informed then people in their brother land? What they want is to have some romance in life, living in a strict Muslim country. If it includes meeting with tourists and/or online sex – they are “open-minded”. But the most I can say about them is they are/were (I avoid them now) very often so rude and bad mannered! Why, I don’t know – but to my experience, if they don’t get what they want from you, they just tell you things you never read before. You just can’t believe your eyes reading those insults, it’s just so ridiculous you can’t take it seriously…

Yes, and some of them have not only bad manners, they are simply sex abusers. Like Abdou. But Abou is firstly a professional scammer. My whole telling is about this Abdou guy who had the nerve to contact me now again.

The last I had contact with this Algerian guy was in beginning of spring 2015. I was lonely and still sad as my friend Mohamed had the year before stopped writing without any reason.  It was first time he exposed me for his later so famous withdrawn silences, impossible to live with. But we hardly knew each other then, so it was strange for me I missed him so much. I think there was a loss of some  female friends from Europe and the US too at that particular time.

Hugo vad der Goes (ca 1440 – 1498) The fall of Adam and Eve

And I had shortly met  a couple of those so very rude guys from Algeria. So I was determined not to let those two give a whole country a bad reputation. And I really needed someone nice person to chat with. So I was an open door for a skillful and professional scammer like Abdou. And he was so extremely good looking too! Wow!

But of all bad guys I met on internet, he’s the worst!

He had simply found a way to make a living by scam women online. He never looked for support from others or complained for having no job. No, he was busy all days with all kind of small jobs, including to also sell himself for sex. Maybe the frustration he declared of that last – get paid for sex –  made him to a sexual predator? But I doubt it, he was a charming sociopath who enjoyed being cruel to people.

I willingly admit I’ve been naive during my time on internet as I did not understood how bad people online can be. And for those men who told me they had romantic feelings for me I have had a foolish strategy too I now regret. Instead for just delete them I told them I gave them a chance to proof they were honest in their romantic aspirations. I was thinking time will show the right coat on this creature. It was crazy, I should not have done that. But it certainly gave me material to many poems.

Laura de Noves,, the muse of Petrarch

For a very high cost my experiences latest years made me to a romantic poet, same kind as Petrarch. It’s a genre, chic lit poetry, not really personal confessions as some read them as. I hardly remember now my muses. That was it was then.

With exception for a man called “Mr Goodman” that I actually met online and had a romance with during autumn 2011 to summer 2014 as well as now with my mute friend Mohamed.

I am a lonely  person. But I was never looking for romances. All I wanted was to get some real friends and to learn to write good English. And now I write in English. And I have a blog. I have my friend Anne in England. Maybe one more?

I was never aware about those unpleasant experiences online in reality were sexual abuses. It was first earlier this year when I heard on the TV news a guy in Sweden was prosecuted and sentenced to jail for internet rape and sexual harassment online I got the insight what really I had been exposed to  – as well.

Now today two years after I blocked this Abdou, he writes me again! It was quite a shock! The worst is he call himself now “The Berber Prince”, what a dishonor for all berber!

I go again some new  penpal friends and they were horrified over my relationship with this guy and told me to block him. And it ended very badly this “friendship” with Abdou, as we chatted on Skype and he used to tell me what he wanted to do with me sexually. Normal sex was nothing for him, what he wanted was to brutalize women with violent anal sex. He claimed women liked to be violated and liked pains. And believe it or not – I argued with him about it! Too often he just logged in as coming home drunk and wanted to masturbate in front of me. If he did I don’t know as I used to log of when he began to talk too dirty. It made him furious, he let me know when we chatted next time… He wanted me to apologize! When I didn’t he got pissed off for that. Yes, it became real ugly!

Meg Ryan “You’ve got mail” 1998

Yet sometimes I was not aware of the deceptive behavior going on while we still talked. As I asked him once why he did not looked in the camera and he told me the reason he did not looked at me was he had another screen watching porn while chatting with me. And then he showed me this second screen he was looking at. He was watching porn at the same time he talked to me  – and now he wanted me to watch the porn with him! Luckily I could not see a thing was happened on that other screen, but only be told got me log off for that night.

He lived with his parents as many guys in Arabic countries. It was a mystery for me as I got the impression his parents were nice godly Muslim people. I asked what they said about him coming home badly drunk on Friday’s as he did every week. He got a cruel expression in his face and simply said to me they were to wise to challenge him. If they would even dare, he would teach them better, he said. I understood he was a dangerous person.

Yes, but I felt safe, living many thousand kilometers away. Writing my blog far away I handled it all.  So I thought. It feels like this bad “friendship” was going on for a pretty long time, but it was not. It lasted for only a few weeks, much less than two months.

I think the cruelty in his behavior towards me came at first when he realized he spent time creating a relationship with a poor woman without any money. His plan was simply I would travel to Tunisia and we would spend time together there. At my expense. Now realizing this was not possible he still kept in touch to “keep me” for sexual harassment.

Again, as Algeria is far from Sweden I felt safe. I handled him with my writing. I really believed that his sexualition of reality was a challenge and I wanted to be able to write about anything, though I’m shy in person. So my poetry became more sexually oriented too. I wanted to beat him on his own area, but give a female point of view. And I planned to write a novel. To get even. It never came to be written. And I almost forgot him after I had blocked him.

It sounds strange to me now. Why did I spend time with a criminal? In my “real” physical world I would never do that. And sometimes I think all the years I spend on this pen pal site is just a big loss, as the emotional costs has been too high for me. Yet I have learned a lot about other cultures, about the common homophobia in Africa and how racist white people in west still are –  and I have learned to write in English.

During this years I became a blogger. I can’t regret that.

But again; was it worth it? I have asked myself that many times the last two years. I wrote poetry as young and in Swedish. I regained my poetry writing thanks to my online friends, both the good ones and the bad ones. And my blog – I would for anything want to refrain it. Not my many years of friendship with Anne either who I also met on this pen pal site, not to forget! Not with my love for this man now who don’t talk to me more (“forever” huh!)

People urged me back then to end up with this guy as he was dangerous. I did not listen to them. I felt save up in my little Nordic country. It ended one day as I was on my way walking to an appointment with my dental hygienist. I was nervous and scared for the treatment – and sudden I realized I was more afraid for this friendly and kind little woman who are my dental hygienist – about 1,60 m and 55 kg in her thirties and named Eva – than I was for this big abusive gangster, named Abdou. Finally I understood what my other online friends told me for long, this was crazy and strange: I allowed this man to violate me. And then after home again I blocked him.

And today he wrote me under another Profile!!! I blocked him without answer. Easy. But I lost my good mood for the rest of day remembering all that bad stuff that once was.

But I keep the white rose and my pink pen.

Posted in armed loneliness, dreamers, fragile, friendship, living in the world, loneliness, loss, morality, online friends, past, poems by vonnely, relationships, repression and borders, sexuality, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Diamond love

I’m old, my feet hurts and I can hardly walk
and surely not run. But my heart is in good
shape, my doctors told me and my brain is
better than ever before, you will find out. If
you want to catch me I’m easy to get. And
I might be easy to fool too, my lonely heart
to blame. But I’m of high carats and fiddlers
plays me just for a while and not long. Yes,
I’m a diamond true and truly and you better
treat me right. I don’t mind your color or
belonging. But you have to have some high
carats too and show me clarity. I’m old, did
I say that? Yes, but diamond love is forever
and has no age. My feet and heart for you!





Posted in aging, become old, create life, dreamers, love poem, old age, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, walk of life, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bugs (essentials)

The overwhelming amount of testimony (#metoo) that has become to a landslide that so many women and girls throughout the world have suffered all kind of insults from scornful sexist comments (called jokes!), to grabbing and other kind of daily life physical abuses and to rapes. The daily violations of women have under decades been normalized, so if one woman complains she becomes mocked (at best) or kicked out of work and/or ostracized (at worst). And those people around who denies that these bad experiences occurs are both men and women. We have the bullies and the perpetrators and we have the surroundings who put the lid on.

The Italian actress who got the laid stone to roll fast is an example of this. Her disclosure has meant that she has to leave Italy being victim blamed. It’s not that surprising – Italian men have been infamous for decades for grabbing.

And Egypt not to forget. Mohamed Diab’s movie Kairo 678 from 2010 should get a renaissance now. It’s not better in the other Arab countries, honestly. I have met them online for years now, men from Algeria, Morocco and Tunisia, all “friends” – but they just can’t help themselves in the long run. Not even online! In daily life they pray 5 times a day, buy sex from prostitutes, kick their sisters out of home if they get pregnant unmarried, questioning in words women intelligence capacity… you name it!

Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Ayaan Hirsi Ali born in Somalia, first a refugee in the Netherlands and now living in America has been telling about women’s daily lives in a movie in the Netherlands and in her books. She and her mother lived before coming to Netherland in Saudi Arabia and she has written about what a hell it was just to go out for shopping groceries because of the men on the street attacking them with grabbing.

But #Metoo twitter reveals this is common the world over, white western men are not an exception. It is so common that some men have not had a clue as to what their mothers, sisters, girlfriends or wives have been exposed to for years. This is the case not at least in Sweden. Well-known men in Sweden on TV, newspapers and in sport world are hanged out for the public as the pigs they really are – and have been for years. Like a public hush-hush, an elephant in the room.

Women simply have not been able to talk about this without being further humiliated and ridiculed – of both women and men in their immediate vicinity. And all this attention now creates upset emotions in all women, who have lived with this conditions for decades and forced to handled it with repress it to “move on” with life.

It’s upsetting, yes. But it shows everyone’s daily living area is a political area! And we are not like negligible little bugs that not matters. We matters, our experiences matters.

What it’s all about in a broader perspective is to hold down women in the society by making them feeling insecure and being unsafe in the common social space. All women who have created a social position have made in most “in spite of all”, and not (entirely) because the our societies have become more equal for women. This is how it has been in the West since the 19th century when women began to put down a foot and demand to be respected as individuals and full members of the society.

But we should not forget we do not live in a totaly heterosexual world. And that dirty urge to get power and control over others is not gender-based or dependent on sexual orientation. Men violated other men the same way. Women violated other women the same way.

This following link gives a story that tell it all how it can be: the beginning like a meeting over a weekend expected to just nice and funny, but which ends in an assault on one participant. The story tells about the abuse, about the first immediate time after the abuse and the traumatic years afterwards and others’ reactions to what has happened in all different stages.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Was Raped By A Woman At A Party, And No One Did Anything

That’s for real women and what’s all over all news, TV and Internet. When I don’t check up news I watch British TV drama, they are good at it – the British!

pic from the TV serial “Doctor Foster” season one 2015

Doctor Foster is a woman, even if so a fictional character in a commercial television series, who refuses to be a victim. Her world crashes when she discover her husband has cheated on her with a much younger woman and furthermore is a scammer who has robbed her on her savings and heritage and the house they live in. She’s rich and has a well-paid job been and she has supported her husband the whole marriage, as he pretended to build a carrier in the business world. But he’s just a scammer IRL. Now he’s find a new milk cow in a young girl with stone rich parents. Doctor Foster can’t get her man back, but she can restore her money savings, get her job and son back and hunt her ex  out of town with his legs between his legs. Borderless and unconventional. Journalists (females!) have reviewed it as a study in female madness and female evilness. That’s weird!

I loved the first season. I hate the second season. The people behind the serial has make some sort of Medea of the woman character. A character no-one can identify herself with.

And all her doing to save her world a second time threatened by this lowlife to man is not realistic in a time perspective. As for example – in a scene sequence she pack a bag to run away without any earlier planning. But in fact in the same very short time it’s later shown for the stunned audience she has made very intricate far going plans including a lot of cooperating people, now sudden her friends. It’s just too shocking for the TV viewer – and too unrealistic.

The ending of part 5 in season 2 is such it ensure that’s possible for the producers to plan a third season. I suppose the people behind the series sees in the female figure a cash cow like the fictive husband character once did. So it’s a double scam.

Besides everything else in this “daily life story” – you can’t have a full time job and have all that drama privately. As a doctor, she seems not to be good (to me) and she lack the ethics to the profession – even it’s said several times in the plot she’s very good doctor. No, not in my eyes she is – I’m happy I don’t have her as my doctor. The only thought makes me feeling unwell!

At least she is overloaded with action ability. Which has not been seen that much of on the real worlds scenes lately. I  think of what has happened in Spain and Catalonia the past weeks.

The Catalonian President Puigdemont is certainly a master of stepping away from a clarifying declarations. He got on peoples’ nerves in the whole Europe, not only on Rajoy’s and his government. The whole October he has postponed or postponed to let anyone know which will be, even though everyone knows what’ll be!

Puigdemont has said Rajoy is looking for to humiliate him. Well … I don’t think Prime Minister Rajoy has any such personal interest in this ! But how ever this story ends, it can only become humiliating for Puigdemont. It’s obvious – and I can’t understand he has not realized it a long time ago. Did he really believe his strategies could be successful? But maybe this is the strategy?

He and others had begged for the EU toc act as a mediator. I know very little about the EU and politics. Really! But I still know two things 1. The EU cannot enter into a country’s internal conflicts – and thank goodness for that! I also know 2. That the EU does not want newly formed states and that they therefore support the Spanish government. They want to consolidate the EU as a political entity.

In passing – personally, I think the EU should be content with being a trade coalition. This ideas the EU leader have to make the EU to military unit with a common foreign policy is an Napoleon idea I could put on Puigdemont tragic coat for to fight against!

Rajoy has been criticized by his colleagues in Europe for the police violence on October 1. (That referendum Rajoy claimed never had happened.)  But aside that – Merkel, Macron and the other European leaders, including the Swedish Prime Minister Löfven, they are all Rajoy’s best friends and advisers how to handle this delicate situation with the separatists in Catalonia.

I think that the separatists do not think about their own people’s best, but only their own cause. At the same time, the Conservative Government in Madrid has been working since its beginning to undermine the autonomy of Catalonia received by the former Social Democratic government. Rajoy reaps what he saw.

What I find worrying as being a Swede is that the Spanish Government’s will take over the Catalan public service business and media. The freedom of the press and an independent public service are like holy cows here in Sweden.

The latest about Catalonia: finally a decision on Friday 27 in Barcelona – and straight after in Madrid. All leaders explain solidarity with Madrid, except Scotland – and I think that’s cute, the Catalans have at least one part in Europe and a people understand their situation. It’s cute as they are not independent either, but wish now forced into this Brexit situation.
Latest Saturday from BBC An official state bulletin dismissed Catalan leaders and handed control of Catalonia to Spain’s Deputy Prime Minister, Soraya Saenz de Santamaria.
Earlier, Spain’s interior ministry took charge of Catalonia’s police after firing senior Catalan police officials.
Demonstrators in Madrid Saturday evening demands Puigdemont becomes jailed.

For an individual as well for a people it’s important to be free and not like a puppet on a string. Puigdemont is not a puppet on a string, he will not be even if he will be jailed. Rajoy is a puppet on a string. He will be even if he will be the detainer.

The leaders in the EU have enough with to handle Brexit. It’s odd by the way, to see the media photos of Theresa May and the other European leaders standing close together and smiling softly to each other as they are the best of friends and not antagonists in hard negotiations.



Brexit is an internal divider also for the British. Very many don’t want it at all. And the Scottish not. The later was the only who welcomed a free Catalonia. Which is nice as they are the only  – and cute as Scotland under British government can’t recognize a state.


I have had high thoughts about the independence and objectivity of Swedish news reports on public service TV. But that trust has failed this last year. Beginning, I think it was, around the terror attack in Stockholm in April this year. The Swedish police and members of the public made a fantastic job. But Swedish media did not handle it well, but fell for what seems to be called “sensationalism”.

Sensationalism is a type of editorial bias in mass media in which events and topics in news stories and pieces are overhyped to present biased impressions on events, which may cause a manipulation to the truth of a story.[1] Sensationalism may include reporting about generally insignificant matters and events that do not influence overall society and biasedpresentations of newsworthy topics in a trivial or tabloid manner contrary to the standards of professional journalism.

The Swedish TV public service site on internet was a mess if you wanted to read any sensible information. And later this year two highly qualified news anchor was dismissed because they reached the fatal retiring age of 65. Since then I too often gets frustrated when reading Swedish TV News web site. The best with it is you don’t get blocked because you haven’t pay for access as with other news sites in Sweden and abroad. Well, it can be me see things differently now than I did before. I don’t know.

Federica Mogherini

And people experience things differently. My son and I saw a documentary about the EU the weekend before the present. He thought it was a depressing view of EU. I didn’t experience it like that – it just not reach my brain as I consider it as just bullshit, those talk of European crisis and threats . No, I was totally sold of the portrait of the young Federica Mogherini as a salvation creature…

(Europe at Sea, by Annalisa Piras 2017). Swedish title Det hotade Europa (The threatened Europe).

The documentary is made now in 2017 – and British it said in the program guide  – that last allowed us to raise our eyebrows a bit, as thinking Brexit and the next future for the British outside the EU. (But Piras is Italian I have now later found out.)

Actually Piras succeeded well with her movie. But it’s not a true image of reality. Europe is not “threatened”, all this “crisis” talk is a mind thing. It’s propaganda or at best – a party pleading. People in Africa would laugh their asses off hearing or reading such analysis.

Leni Riefenstahl was also a very good film propagandist.

This week, it has also been decided by the Swedish government that license funding for non-commercial TV and radio operations will end next year and be replaced by a tax. It has taken many years of headache for the politicians to come to this decision – because the principle that the government can never affect public service is so deeply rooted, so that even tax funding has been considered to be a risk taking. However, as this “objective” “documentary” revealed, the objectivity of the Swedish public service cannot be taken for granted now either. Individuals need to be aware and not allow themselves to be stupefied.

But actually Swedish TV Public Service is mostly focused on to invest its money on stupefying entertainment programs. And youngsters turn their back at those middle age programs for go to Facebook and YouTube to get updated. And there you have it – the fake world. “The Brave New World” and “Nineteen Eighty-Four”.

Our Social-Democratic Government is good for Swedish trade. And it has managed to close out refugees from Sweden with asylum rights formally preserved. The refugees’ rights is nowadays a formality only on paper, not in real life and practice. It’s all about business and selfish interests that’s count. It’s a clever feat – but make every still thinking Swede feel ashamed over being Swedish.

“Would You Buy A Used Car From This Man?”

Our trade minister Ann Linde has visited Saudi Arabia this week from 22 to 25 October. It is her second visit in Saudi Arabia. The Trade Minister defends the government’s contacts with she begins each conversation in Saudi Arabia by talking about “human rights”. It is of course a formality – too.


I read on the Swedish government website “About 1000 Swedish companies export to Saudi Arabia, Sweden’s largest export market in the Middle East. Sweden exports around 10 billion SEK per year. Linde will launch the Swedish Institute’s Leadership Program for Women, She Leads, to promote the exchange between Sweden and Saudi Arabia. “


The conservative party in Sweden (Moderaterna) have elected a new leader and the party is now raising again and taking back the supporters they earlier had lost to the racist party SD (Swedish Democrats).

And what is  the conservatives’ successful recipe? Well, it is a politic who want to criminalize street begging, abolish asylum rights within the country’s borders, making it difficult for immigrants to become Swedish citizens… and this program for success they present on TV news without blushing. OMG!

More to feel sick about: China has had its congress and the party consolidated its dictatorship further. But China as a trading partner is also clean enough for Sweden as for the rest of the world, China is the world’s largest and most hard and inhumane dictatorship! Why is that such a taboo to be outspoken about? Because of trade.

If I want to buy any kitchen utensils I always look at the bottom of the product and if it says “Made in China” I refrain from buying it. Then it is hard – at least in Sweden – to find other similar product that is cheap and easy to get close by! Israeli products are also common to find in my closest grocery here in Sweden, like a lot of frozen vegetarian products of very good quality. But it’s the same with that, I refuse to buy and eat it.

It is said that EU representatives want to learn military techniques and methods of Israel, is that so? If so, it’s weird. It’s also weird to accuse people for being anti-Semites for dislike the Israeli way of handle their “internal affairs”. But the Israelis have a free media and freedom of speech, not to forget that! If you are lucky enough to be an Israeli of course.

It is not easy for an individual not to be like puppet on a strings, and it is easier to let it go with the flow. But your daily life living room TV set and your kitchen fridge are political arenas too, as well as the aura between you and the other. Modern life is to be forced to make decision about the small things in life – from what you eat, to how to use your brain to how you treat others. You can at least try to be a decent person.

Sometimes media and some other actor like the big supermarkets give the individual the push and helping hand you need. This autumn it has been a lot of reports of what damage plastic do to our oceans. And the groceries doubled the prize for a simple plastic bag for carry the food products. It radically change my behavior. And media has reported it’s a common change of peoples’ behavior overall.

(In passing said, that could be the case for all unhealthy sweetened products too. But in that case the supermarkets overall blame the consumers, claiming unsweetened products is not profitable.)

We strain to gnats and swallow camels.

But what is essential in a “threatened” world? Who are really threatened?

Media has during the year and this last week too reported the best they can about scientists have found that 75% of all insects have disappeared from Germany’s natural areas. It’s possible it as bad in other countries too.

Without insects – no life, they tell. Media try to report this, but this information just drowns in the flood over other news. No one listen to this! Or do you?




We strain to gnats and swallow camels.

That’s what the Buddhists in Burma do too. Strain gnats and swallow camels, I mean. Because they are vegetarians. They don’t want  by mistake swallow a bug. But it is okay to slaughter people because they are Muslims?!

An ex-minister from Burma said that basically it concerns the natural resources that exist where Rohingya people has traditionally been living. Whatever … What country, government, leaders in our world make a real effort to help this horrific eradication of Rohingyas’? Or giving Bangladesh money and skill for handle all refugees from Burma?

“We” do not care much about this minority.

Who are “we”?

“We” are the humans who do not care much about the fact that 75% of the insects have disappeared in some areas, although without them we have no life either. That is “we”!

This is what Angela Merkel should want to put on her plate! As the cause of the bugs is a “to be or not to be”. But maybe she just look for her apple strudel with whipped cream. Again – there will be no apple strudel without insects! We should be essential and real.


Posted in Africa, create life, immigrants, living in the world, nature, obstacles, poems by vonnely, politics, reading, relationships, repression and borders, Sweden view, threatened, web papers, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why is it so easy to love and so hard to be loved?







Why is it so difficult for a talented woman (like me) to be loved and respected
despite her greatness? Women are expected subordinate the other’s stubborn
ignorance and limitations, right? Having a penis is bigger? Is it? What about
having a brain and using it? How about it, huh?

The guy should have been proud being
loved by me! But he was apparently
too stupid because all he did was to
complain, “so I’m a bad person now?”

It is a hard journey to realize a lover
has no more substance than a fart.
The odor is just as embarrassing as
the shame to have been tricked.

(And then you say bad things because
you’re hurt! From lovers to warriors!)

But like everyone, he simply just want
to be loved. It’s so ironic and pathetic!

It’s too easy to say “I love you”, but it’s
not easy “to have and to hold! It’s not
easy to be loved for who you truly are!

You will not be loved because you
deserve it. Love is a grace and some
of us are blessed with it, others not.
If you urge for true love: get a pet.

Du kommer inte att bli älskad för att du
förtjänar det. Kärlek är en nåd och en del
av oss är välsignade med det, andra inte.
Vill du ha sann kärlek: skaffa dig en hund.










Posted in borders, create life, dreamers, living in the world, loneliness, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I will never love more but you






I got a call yesterday from an
“ex” bf. I remember him as a
nice man. He has still a very
nice voice. Alluring. But he’s
not to trust. Still it was sad to
say “I’m sorry”. And I got such
a sudden hard headache after.

I still miss you. I guess you too
is an “ex” bf by definition? But
not in my heart and never in my
dreams. I still dream about you.

To live without you is a daily
Hamlet matter. But I’m not a
Hamlet, I hope to learn to be
happy, even always miss you.

I see me aging in peace and
retiring from men and all that
fuss with them and get a pet.
Something easy like a Pug or
a Boston-Terrier. But yet I’ve
heard they’re snore at nights.

You are the wildest I ever met,
my most secret foolish desire.

I give you my heart on a plate.
I will never love more but you.

Posted in aging, become old, borders, create life, dreamers, loneliness, loss, love poem, love story, memories, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, rebellious lovers, relationships, repression and borders, sadness, secret love, sexuality, walk of life, walls, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s nothing between Stockholm and Agadir




When it’s plus 6 in Stockholm there’s plus 30
in Agadir. I needed knitted gloves today when
I biked to the grocery store. And I was thinking
of you meantime biking. How are you doing?
The cold iced my legs in jeans when I biked
home again. I was thinking about you. Slowly
rolls our time and I trample and trample my life
in front of me. And I’m still living without you.
For how long will it be? Forever? Plus 6 here
and plus 30 in Agadir and nothing between us,
not even tears. You will not call me. And I will
not call you. I know, I know. And the wheel roll.
No getaway. Later on we’ll be dead and it’ll be
forever, I in Stockholm and you in Agadir.


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Going to bed with a pug

You go to bed with a pug and you wake up
with a German pinscher taking the space
and like a woman of the world you’ll smile
with whitening teeth, not biting but hoping
for more. Born to this world, live for a while
and then simply just die. All we get is a stone
over our heads, a wreath and lighting candles
once a year at best. Why do we care? Why do
I care? But I do. This emotional moves in my
chest, oh! Is it only something born with for
the survival of the species, like other species?
And what about this love I have for you? Why
you? I’ll never understand the mystery of you.

Driving the truck “it gets lonely sometimes”

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Long distance heating

This apartment I have, it’s too hot all through the summer. In the fall when the first cold hits outdoors, the temperature drops to normal indoors. Yet it never pleases me, but make me feel uneasy and frozen in the raw air in the morning. I meet this discomfort by lit candles and let them burn for a while until the molecules in the air become more friendly to me.

I live in the northern part of the world where people would not survive without heating the houses. Nowadays, almost all houses are heated by district heating, or in other words long distance heating. The thermometer tells me in wintertime the heat in my rooms is good, yet I don’t feel comfortable with my indoor climate. I blame this district heating method for it. All landlords in the whole world could talk against me, yet I’d claim I’m not comfortable with it. (I’m sure time and future science will tell what’s wrong with it and that it is not something “personal” with me.)

40% of households in Sweden are single households. Imagine! And if you live alone and have to live with long distance heating, you have discomfort in double sense – as people around you are distant and unfriendly at this latitudes and very seldom socialize with their neighbors. It took 3 years for people around to say “hi” to me in this city. I lived before 20 years in another city – there it took 10 years before neighbors dare to say “hello”. This counts only for native Swedes. Luckily Sweden is a migrant country and those new Swedes make the social climate a bit better, as they have no fear for saying “hi” to other people living in the same building. But that’s all they say!

Next spring, the landlord told last week in a letter, major renovations will begin in the area. Which means I have to move out for a time as floors and walls will demolished for new water pipelines and whatever more. But when I read this message I instantly felt I got enough of all the repairs and new buildings that have been going on the last years in this house and the area closest around and I’ve therefore decided I’ll move permanently to a new apartment and to a “better” residential area next summer.

I’m old enough to rent a senior apartment. However, there is a rule for having that kind of apartment that you are not allowed to share your home with anyone younger than 55 years old. So it’s nothing for me then as the object for my amorous dreams is far from being a senior man.

Yet, it is a bit strange I have thoughts about my next home based on conditions I don’t know if they’re valid or not. Meaning: I’m single, but not in my soul and heart.

I forgive the man who has stolen my heart for not returned it and for the lack not being old. Maybe he – in spite all –  stay steady for me and hold the line, as I do for him. I’ve tried to unlove him, but I can’t.

He lives so far away and there are no pipe lines in the world that can cover such a distance as the one between him and me.

There is no longer distance than the one between a loving couple who can’t communicate with each other.



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Hold my heart in your memory

So hold my heart in
your memory, because
I can’t believe any else
than time will bring you
to me and me to you

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On Saturday, Madrid will sing for us?

Catalonian President Carles Puigdemont

A respite is set to Saturday for Catalonian President Carles Puigdemont by the government in Madrid. But it’s just a helpless game for the galleries. What is going on behind the curtains we don’t have access to, just hoping there is anything going on!

The repression coming for the Catalans is though inevitable – as sure as demonstrations and riots will follows.

As the saying goes, like rats abandoning a sinking ship, Banco Sabadell leaves Barceona for Madrid and others say they want to follow. But it only means right now that the banks and companies expect an independent republic will come – and a republic of Catalonia will not be a member of the EU – so they have to leave. They say it’s not a standpoint, it in not.

The Spanish newspaper El Pais talked about the nerve war between Rejoy and Pudgimenont as a cat and rat game. First, I thought the analogy was ridiculous, but I must admit they are right. At present, it’s not so much a question of what will happen but a psychological war about WHO’S FAULT it is, when violence and repression breaks out. It will.

Spain’s prime minister Mariano Rajoy

So while people around the world and media gathered in Barcelona waits for WHAT WILL BE, Rejoy and Pudgemont are already writing the history books of what has not yet happened, neither want the blame for it, you see!

I can’t help but I feel a bit pity for Madrid and for the Rajoy government. They’re like sitting in a fox foothold… just like a helpless but big angry dad who just knows about the spanking stick as a tool for discipline.


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Lost direction

You were my direction. Now
I’m lost and confused. I walk
around every day like a dog
that does not belong to any.


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The Human Right to Pee and Poop in Peace





There lives 7,5 billions people on earth. 2,5 billions have to go outdoors too pee and poop, 4,5 billions have no access to a toilet in the own household. They have no water to wash their hands. They have no clean water to drink.

Women and girls wait to dark to sneak out at fields to pee and poop, doing this they risk to be sexually attacked and raped. Girls in poverty countries can’t go to school because there is no toilets and they can’t take care of their hygiene during menstrual period and they get harassed by boys and men to and fro school.

Those girls can’t change their life without a change in their life conditions. It start with get an access to toilets and water. Then to schools and education. Further more: abolition of genital mutilation, the right to work on the labor market and to marry freely. The right not depend on males (husband or relatives) for legal rights.

We should all see ourselves in the context being one of 7,5 billion people and be aware in our part of the world not many are forced to live as victims. If you get victimized you can get tools to free yourself from your suffering. You are not defined by your circumstances as people in development countries or in refugee camps.

Imagine not having a toilet. Imagine fear rape for leaving home to pee and poop. Imagine not be able to wash your hands. Imagine to be forced to drink unclean water.

Coming month, November 19, is World Toilet day of UN declared.

Adding: It’s a tendency today people in the West world democracies  acts selfish and xenophobic and abandon the oppressed and vote for popular politicians with a conservative and racist agenda. If we not watch out we will vote in fascism in our countries in soon future.

KIBERA SLUM, NAIROBI, KENYA – AUGUST 2008: Images of impoverished girls who are very vulnerable in their communities, on August 20, 2008 in Nairobi, Kenya. The Nike Foundation for Girls has made small stipends available to fund a community for girls in disadvantaged area based on the fact that girls prove to be a better investment in poor communities than boys do. Many of these girls have now made friends, gained support and learnt job skills via these community facilities for girls. Nike Foundation believes that supporting girls is the key to a better future for everyone. (Photo by Brent Stirton/Getty Images)


Random links:










A quote from the Swedish magazine Vi translated to English. Camilla Wirseen talesperson  Peepoople say:
“That this is primarily a women’s issue has made the case low priority.
Last year, the organization Wateraid tried to make Sweden aware of an equally enormous and neglected gender equality problem – the toilet shortage. A debate article in Uppsala Nya Tidning /local Swedish newspaper/ emphasized that sanitation is a human right that is violated daily – and that is the women who are most affected by the hardest. Having no access to a toilet near their home means that some refrain from eating, which in the long run leads to malnutrition, urinary tract infections and indigestion. In addition to the immediate health consequences, it also means worsening educational and income opportunities. When there are no toilets at school, many girls decide to end the day they get…. 

Posted in Africa, borders, create life, living in the world, obstacles, poems by vonnely, politics, reading, repression and borders, sexuality, walls | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This angry woman you know so well






I tell myself you’re just a silly man
nothing to bother my thoughts with.
I should forget about you and that’s
exactly what I never want to do! If
you’ll never be with me in the long
cold Scandinavian winter nights –
maybe you anyhow will remember
that far away there’s this angry but
yet freezing woman longing for your
warm embraces. Yes, this woman me
you know so well in your heart, who
will love you for the rest of her days!




Posted in become old, borders, darkness, loneliness, loss, love poem, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The bull in Madrid and the donkey in Barcelona

There seems to be very little of sympathy in Europe for Mr. Puigdemont, the President of Catalonia, and for his efforts to create an independent state. The objections are several by many on different levels, public or private views. It is said in media EU don’t want it as union got enough of dealing with UK and Brexit. France have official declared they will never recognize Catalonia as a separate nation. Mr. Juncker say if he could vote, he would vote to keep Spain together as it is but he can’t vote. He fear a domino effect – more of independence movements in Europe would disturb his visions for the future EU.”


If we allow, but it’s not our business, that Catalonia becomes independent, others will do the same and I wouldn’t like that,” he said.” I wouldn’t like a European Union in 15 years that consists of some 90 states.”

He is a pusher and like the rest leaders for the conservative right wing parties in EU he strive for to make Europe to one union with one military and one foreign policy. I count in Macron in that circle of conservative politicians.


Merkel, Macron and Juncker shamelessly back Spanish PM on Catalonia

I like Merkel, although she’s a conservative politician, as she’s a positive symbol for Europe to have and a pragmatist for a common sense, lacking very much in the world today – and I wow Macron winning the French election – as anything is better than Le Pen’s and her equals! It’s not the same as I like those Christ Democratic parties with conservative right-wing agendas that’s unfortunately is in power in Europe and West overall now.

With the galloping development the last decades – latest days the election of the new leader of Swedish right-wing party and the success for that kid Kurz in Austria we reached at a hill of the development of increasing intolerance we today live in a pre-fascistic world ruled by democratic elected parties by voters in each country. (Eye on Hungary – Poland – Trump – Brexit and..)

Swedish foreign minister said about the referendum the 1 of October that is was illegal – as anything was said by that.(Once, it was “illegal” for black people to pee in the same toilets as whities – and whatever else!)But her goal since she left EU and became foreign minister in Sweden is to make a difference with get Sweden power inside UN and it’s as a powerful position as a fart in an outhouse. But for the membership in the Security Council she and Sweden dropped the cause for West Saharans, Palestinians, Berber and I don’t know whatever more repressed groups world around, their hopes for the progressive Swedish good reputation, now fading away … This woman is nothing more than a flop and a disappointment. (I give a thorn towards Sweden only because I’m a Swede, living in Sweden.)

The referendum certainly was illegal as PP in govern in Spain as early as 2010 in practice restricted Catalonia to be able to governing and their right to make their own laws. If Madrid cancels Catalonia laws, well yes – then the consequently their independent practice in every sense is “illegal”!


Swedish newspapers and journalists seems pretty unanimously condemn the Catalonian nationalism. Because “nationalism” is a bad word and it smell conservatism. Well…! This so, in spite it’s the conservative parties now runs west world and thwarts local movements. The Swedish media too fear the “domino”-effect. Yet we have got a lot of new nations in Europe and it seems not have threaten the EU-agenda. There is no “domino”-effect “can become”, it has been going on latest hundred years. But! I found an exception in an article written by Anna Jörgendotter, Swedish writer and journalist born 1973, who has researched and wrote a book about  the Spanish Civil War. “It is the authoritarian that is the disaster” she writes in a Swedish newspaper.


Yes, and it is the authoritarian in the Spanish attitude, that’s my primary interest in this matter, the liberation of Catalonia from Spain. I find it upsetting, unacceptable and unwise – and worrying.

Among the argument to be heard is it would not be economically possible for Catalonia to exist outside EU and that Spain would reject any apply for membership to EU, common people would sink in welfare. It is also said the Catalans are not oppressed, a s it has they have autonomy and the province is a wealthy part of Spain. They (the Catalans) have nothing to complain about and should frankly shut up. (It’s likely lose access to EU and the economical sanctions already implemented by the Spanish government the last years will cause severe difficulties for Catalonia.)

Now… May so be all those who don’t applaud the nationalism of Catalonia are right? I honestly don’t know what Puigdemont agenda is except the claim for independence, so consequently I don’t know in what matter how politically conservative or radical he is. But I want to say this: you don’t have to be poor and starving, beaten, tortured and raped or belong to the third world or be “PC” (political correct) to be in the right to have and to declare independency. Simply so.

You may have diamonds under your soles, but if people you are with treat you as second class citizens – you should not be with them, it’s not good for you.

As said, Madrid already made efforts during 2010 to now to undermine and destroy Catalan economy and Puigdemont’s cause. The 4 October  this year Spain founded a law for banks and other to leave Catalonia. Madrid picked the diamonds to destroy Catalonia economy and threaten with law 155 taking away those political liberties the Catalans have to now.


“Can Spain Become a Country That No One Wants to Leave?
Creating a country is a complex, expensive process: To take such a step you need a huge amount of support. Usually, independence is achieved after a long war, or the fall of a colonial power. At the least, it requires the gathering of an overwhelming majority. In Catalonia, I’m glad to say, the first two options seem impossible. The third one is not in place. To start as a new but divided country would be a recipe for disaster.


Spain passes law to help businesses move out of region
Spain’s government has passed a law making it easier for companies to move their official base out of Catalonia, a move that could deal a heavy blow to the region’s finances.

So what with the idyllic picture of a Catalonia as an independent and flourishing part of Spanish Kingdom-  before this “sudden” referendum?

2010 the Catalan parliament founded a law that forbid bullfighting. October 2016 Spain annulled this law, declaring bullfighting is part of the Spain identity, it’s “art” and a “cultural heritage”.






This nationalistic bullfighting “sport” and “art” is close heart for Mariano Rajoy  and his party PP = Partido Popular.

Partido Popular protect the bullfighting culture and business as a cultural heritage, an art and a sport and a fundament for the agricultures economy to survive. Spain have agricultural support from EU providing the breed of bulls. EU told it should not be used to that but has not done any efficient to prevent it – if that so is? If so is, it means Swedish tax money goes to the breed of bulls for bullfighting.


Bullfighting could be declared key part of Spanish heritage
Petition seeks to have bullfights categorised as an asset of cultural interest, a move that would give promoters tax breaks


As bulls are used in different ways in festivals in Catalonia but with no killing, critics have question the Catalan motive for an anti-bullfighting as suspicion it as a tool for political national purposes, less for the care of animals. But to produce negative insinuations of “underlying” motives is also a tool and a part of patronizing attitudes from a counterparty and the outside world.

It is same fair as “the art” of bullfighting: the organizers first prepare the event with isolate the bull days before in darkness for days and mistreat the animal in other ways, coming in daylight is a demoralizing shock for a traumatized and weakened animal running out in hope to get free from  fear and torture – then  picadors wound the bulls neck muscle with spears, making it impossible for the animal to raise his head, not to talk about the stress and the pain…. and so on to final killing… It’s not art or sport to torture animals. It’s just sick.


And to return to the political arena in Spain: no doubt there is a lot of patronizing words and threats here.

From Monday newspaper El pais:

Puigdemont mantiene el juego del ratón y el gato =Puigdemont maintains the game mouse and cat

…although twisted, it’s actually funny 🙂 Puigdemont as the evil cat and the government in Madrid as the poor little mouse. 😀




Cataluña está en la cima de la pirámide de Maslow.

(Catalonia is at the top of Maslow’s pyramid.)

Yes, but as I said before : you don’t have to be poor and starving, beaten, tortured and raped or belong to the third world or be “PC” (political correct) to be in the right to have and to declare independency.

Rejoy do not like demonstrations and freedom of speech much. But ultra-right people running the streets now in October, doing Hitler greetings and screaming Franco songs, is that okay, Mr. Rejoy?

Is it okay honored writers at El Pais?


No jailing, no fees for them? Only for young students with a twitter account?


Spain’s freedom of speech repression is no joke
Spain’s difficult past keeps censorship an issue in the present day

 Cassandra Vera, a 21-year-old student from the city of Murcia in the south-east of Spain, has been sentenced to a year in prison, and disqualified from public functions for seven years, after making jokes on Twitter that “glorified terrorism”.

Between 2013 and 2016, Vera published 13 tweets that commented on terrorist group ETA’s assassination of Luis Carrero Blanco, which happened in 1973. Blanco had been expected to succeed dictator Francisco Franco, and was a long time ally of the general.

Ruling on her crime, judges in the National Audience, Spain’s top criminal court, stated that Vera’s tweets “constitute contempt, dishonour, disrepute, mockery and affront to the people who have suffered the blow of terrorism”.

Vera is not the only one sentence to jail in Sapin.


The Spanish senate has voted to push forward with controversial changes to the country’s public security laws, cracking down on Spaniards’ rights of freedom of assembly and expression despite opposition from activists and human rights groups.

To look closer at this Spanish party in charge, Partido Popular, you soon find it’s a hard core right wing party who has its roots in Alianza Popular (AP) once created by ministers from Franco time and to gather Franco supporters for become civilized creating a democratic development of the country.

The People’s Alliance (Spanish: Alianza Popular [aˈljanθa popuˈlar], AP [aˈpe]) was a post-Francoist electoral coalition, and later a conservative political party in Spain, founded in 1976 as federation of political associations. Transformed into a party in 1977 and led by Manuel Fraga, it became the main conservative right-wing party in Spain. It was refounded as the People’s Party in 1989. (source: Wikipedia People’s Alliance (Spain)

The PP man Pablo Pasado warned Puigdemont he could face the same destiny as the former Catalan, Lluís Companys, who declared indepence of Catalonien in 1934. This man, Lluís Companys, became in 1940 executed by Franco. Mr. Pasado had then after to explain for media he was thinking of jail for Puigdemont. Not murder him. Well, that’s nice of him. He just thought we should learn of the history, he said.


Mr. Rejoy and Mr. Puigdemont really have difficulties to communicate. It’s dead-lock. Now Leroy has given Puigdemont another three days to tell “yes” or “no”. The thing is: for Mr. Puigdemont it is not about “yes” or “no” but “how” – and trying to avoid violence. And Madrid see no choice than to use repression and violence and they fear it… so they push it forward, “you have three more days…”

There is rumours a third part try to giving a helping. It’s represents from Basque. Yes, really… no one has forgot ETA!


The Basque Country’s ruling party is acting as an interlocutor between Spain’s central government and the Catalan regional executive in a bid to reduce tension and find a compromise, according to three people familiar with the matter.

Senior officials from the Basque Nationalist Party, known as the PNV, have been trying to find common ground between Madrid and Barcelona to limit the fallout from the biggest institutional clash of Spain’s democratic era, said the people, who asked not to be named because the matter is confidential.

(Wikipedia tells: Bloomberg News is an international news agency headquartered in New York, United States and a division of Bloomberg L.P.)

My son is only 33 and I don’t understand how he knows all what he knows, I’ve never knew about this specific story, but of course I should have! Well anyhow, I found an article about in the Spanish newspaper El Pais.

Luis R. Aizpeolea

It’s translated to English. fantastical written and so thrilling by a journlist at El Pais named Luis R. Aizpeolea. I don’t know who he this, but if you want to read something like an action movie, you just have to read his article! While reading I just forgot I had to shower and wash my hair for going downtown!


ETA Terror 1973 Madrid

And in a passing my son then said in the same conversation “we still see reminder from those days, as for example the security measures before the visit of President Obama in Sweden 2013 when every street sewers on the streets of Stockholm were carefully investigated and welded. In other words, we do learn from the history, at least institutions for security like the Swedish police sources – and they do it so well. Their training is something for export!

preparing for President Obama coming to Stockholm 2013







The latest news last night:


Catalonia: Spain detains two separatists

A Spanish judge has remanded two key members of the Catalan independence movement in jail.Jordi Sánchez, who heads the Catalan National Assembly (ANC), and Jordi Cuixart, leader of Omnium Cultural, are being held without bail while they are under investigation for sedition.The men are seen as leading figures in organising a 1 October independence vote, which Spanish courts suspended.


Jordi Sánchez, who heads the Catalan National Assembly (ANC), and Jordi Cuixart, leader of Omnium Cultural, are being held without bail while they are under investigation for sedition.



What happens next only time will tell.










Catalonia crisis in 300 words




“Can Spain Become a Country That No One Wants to Leave?”















Bloomberg News is an international news agency headquartered in New York, United States and a division of Bloomberg L.P.



Two Catalan separatists in Spanish custody


Posted in animal rights, borders, create life, dreamers, fictional story, poems by vonnely, politics, reading, rebellious lovers, roots, threatened, web papers, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ride the river in this boat

(Sometimes I’m all mixed up, tottered between longing love and resentment, Paradise in Hell.) Woke up this morning realizing I have opened a line, giving a tool through which he can continue to treat me with his old habitual manner – taking position in an obscure and numb silence, power man and not a lover man. The mystery, people become loved who not have the skill and the will to put love at work. And then it’s the own vulnerable heart on one side and on the other side the deeds of a tone-deaf lover – and you’re forced to take a stand against what you want and desire. So then! I woke up this morning realizing I have opened a backdoor and a free ride for repression – if he want to. (Deep down fooled by the vain hope he would wake up one morning and be the one I wanted him to be.) But giving it a second thought, I concluded: he can do or not do whatever he like, it’s not my table anymore. I’ll be fine. Riding the river in this boat.




Posted in borders, dreamers, inspiring music, loneliness, loss, love poem, maturity, obstacles, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, prose poem, sadness, secret love, walk of life, walls, with or without you, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I never told you goodbye

To cut you off was easy and actually an act of
self-defense, I don’t expect you to understand.
But now I discover I’ve cut off a part of myself.
And sometimes during my days it hurts in my
absent body part. I fill me up with words when
it hurts too much and try to stay brave, but it is
not easy. You know my darling Angelo, I never
told you goodbye because between you and me
there is no such as farewell, only blue longing.
The days gets shorter and the nights dark and
I am like a packet of fish in a freezer dreaming
about the ocean. But your kisses are still warm.




Posted in armed loneliness, Autumn poem, darkness, dreamers, loneliness, loss, love poem, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Said within parentheses







If there were a road back to me,
would you choose that road then,
would you? Do you miss me like
I miss you, do you?

(Poor me, loving you so stupidly much.)

I don’t want you to suffer, I really
don’t. But it would make me happy
to know you love and miss me too.
(Do you?)

(I know you do, you poor stupid man.)
(And poor me, loving you so stupidly much.)

What was it all about then? A waste
of time – a misconduct of hearts?
There was love but no understanding?
(But still!)

(Poor me, loving you so stupidly much.)

(I ask my empty walls, would he come
to me if only he could? Knowing how
much I miss him!) (I know he knows!)

(Poor me, loving him so stupidly much.)


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He was twenty and I was eighteen

He was twenty and I was eighteen
and he drove a truck on free time
to make some money and sometimes
when he went for long drives over a
weekend I was there with him in the cab.
For him it was nothing but hard work and
stress, but I loved it as an adventure and I
fancy the soily and oily smell from his dirty
and tired body when we stayed on a dark
parking to sleep on the very narrow bunk
back the seats of the cab. Once the police
stopped the truck in search for a missing
teen girl in my age. A little shadow of worry
touched my mind as they let my boyfriend
drive on just because he locked trustworthy.
But I dropped it as I too thought he was all
good and it was all okay. Once we stopped
to eat at a fancy restaurant and we were
treated as celebrities in spite we looked like
bums in our worn out and wrinkled clothes.
I have never forgot that meal as it was like a
dream in heaven. We had French fries perfect
done and entrecote with parsley butter and
for dessert we got figs served with whipped
cream flavored with brandy and sprinkled with
flaked butterscotch. At that moment I began
to wonder a little why the waiters were so nice
to us, but I found no reason other than we were
the only guests and so very young and pretty
and sober and still so very romantically in love
with each other. I dropped that wonder too. I
became a vegetarian a couple of years after we
had split up, but I still remember that meal in
late night as the most tasty and dreamlike meal
I have ever had. It’s now fifty years since I was
on the road in magic nights with a man like that
and I am no longer young and beautiful. But a
heart that loves never gets older than eighteen.



Mostly but not for this post, I write a poem first and choose next music and images to illustrate the text on the blog. But between my writing I listen to music and when I find a song I like, I google the lyric to read it. It’s for my joy and also for training my English and writing skills. But reading the lyric to this song I couldn’t understand a thing what is was about. So, more googling was required to get an understanding the text actually was about a trucker’s dream of love. It was a bit embarrassing for me my understanding in native English  and simple lyrics is so limited, given that I always write in English.

But anyhow, it all raised memories from my youth – I remembered trips with my first boyfriend who worked a time as a truck driver. Maybe the visit at the more exclusive and expensive restaurant was a way for my boyfriend to compensate me from a visit at a driver diner – the food was terrible and the men stared rude at me like I was a piece of meat. Disgusting and scary!

On another trip we came with our big truck to the little town Ystad (known as the town in Henning Mankell’s crime novels about Police Inspector Wallander). My boyfriend drove wrong and became stuck on the narrow streets. The front of the truck was at one street and in an angle the back was on another street. In a steep uphill! And the big truck was loaded with tons of soda bottles like Coca-Cola and Sprite. My boyfriend rushed the engine (whatever a native would say?) in a desperate try to back the truck. But we were stuck. It was about 3 or 4 AM Sunday morning and we could blushing see one after the other window lit by awakened people starring wildly at us. In a truck cab you sit high, but all we wanted was to sink low and die of shame. But my boyfriend kept his hot temper low and I kept my mouth shut and somehow we succeeded to get away from the trap. I don’t know how, but we did.

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To talk too much – or not talk at all?

Spain’s prime minister Mariano Rajoy

Catalonian President Carles Puigdemont










We have in our world today a big mouthed leader who is an idiot… After having him as a pain in ass for the last year or more – his last words become like “okay…” (sigh) 😦 – as we don’t expect common sense from that direction anymore, but will cope with that stress by  take another spoon of that nasty tasting liquid against heartburn before bedtime, bravely hoping the world still will be there next day. Well, what else can you do?

Meanwhile the president in the White House man meet the critics from his foreign minister with a challenge to compare IQ tests, the Deputy Prime Minister Soraya Sáenz de Santamaria mock the president of Catalonia with saying
“The speech the president… gave today is that of a person who does not know where he is, where he’s going, nor who he wants to go there with.”

Madrid scorns Catalan leader’s independence statement

I would give that statement too a very low rank as a statement of intelligence. It’s stupid and arrogant and rude. It’s seems to me to be a statement by a nowadays leader standing ahead the teared wall from old Franco times.

With their negative attitudes the Spanish government risk their country to carry away to a civil war. Catalonia may have no “right” to negotiations, but for the own good Madrid should accept it, as “it” won’t go away. What will they otherwise do, take Puigdemont by the ear and send him to early bed without no night reading of a fairytale and no evening snack?

I don’t doubt the intelligence of world leaders. (Oh yes, I do!) I guess if testing they would get higher score than I would get. (Well… maybe not!) But intelligence is not about scores, it’s about how you use the intelligence you have to the benefit of those people you have power over.

Spain’s prime minister Mariano Rajoy

The Spanish government seems like authoritarian parents from the Freud’s century, carrying Franco’s whip in their back pockets – they are certainly out of time and on a (Re-) joyride that will lead to their own disaster. They don’t understand Catalonia leaders working for independence gladly would go to jail for what they believe in – if it would go that far. And such opponents you should be very careful to challenge. You can destroy an individual’s life, but never his or her cause.

For an outsiders’ point of view on this (internal) crisis, the Spanish Ministers in Madrid seems to act like they don’t know where they are, where they going and with whom they want to go wherever they go.

At least the Spanish government realize and admit they have a political crisis. But is it a crisis for the Spanish government or for Spain?

Catalonian President Carles Puigdemont

Rajoy threatens all the time with paragraph 155 but asks then “What do you want?” I don’t experience Puigdemont’s speech as confusing as reported to be in media: he simply said “we want independence but we don’t want any repression acts about it from you, so let’s talk.”

But Rajoy cannot talk about it.

(He’s like my Romeo. 😦 You stubborn donkey!)


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Hurry my love, hurry to love…

Birgitta Ulfsson, actor and theater director, died last Sunday October 8, 2017. She became 89 years old. (Born 1928). I didn’t know Birgitta Ulfsson personally, but I became sad to read that she had passed away as if she had been a friend. Her voice has been so strong and lively in me over the years because she was a reader of Tove Jansson’s books about the Moomin trolls. Strange, but it actually feels like someone connected to my childhood has died.

But I actually met her voice – and the Moomins – first through my son’s early interest for fantasy literature, it’s about 25 years back in time. The books about the Moomin family actually became his ticket into the fantasy literature. But I never got an interest in the fantasy genre, so I’ve stayed with Janson’s books about the Moomin family as fascinating fairy tales for both adults and children – and actually as psychological textbooks for greater self-awareness.

We listened both to cassettes and read the books in afternoons and evenings during my son’s childhood, the years before his teens. After he became an adult and left home, we have both independent of each other during the years sometimes reread any or another of the Moomin books.

A well-known follower through all years has also Birgitta Ulfsson’s recording of Tove Jansson’s ballad “Höstvisa” become. Of course very many other artists have performed this ballad. But it’s her version and voice that is planted in my soul. And now it’s gone. 😦

The lyric is written by Tove Jansson (1914 – 2001) and the music by the composer and pianist Erna Tauro (1915 – 1993. All three of them, Ulfsson, Jansson and Tauro were Finland-Swedes. For those unfamiliar with Scandinavian culture, I can tell that it means that they belonged to a linguistic minority in Finland with Swedish as their mother tongue.

Finnish as nationality but writing and speaking with a distinctly singing and highly articulated Swedish, this minority has had an overwhelming significance for Swedish cultural life and enriched it so much that it cannot enough be appreciated. It counts for composer, singers, actors as well as writers. Among many other strong personalities you can for example find the early modernist poet Edit Södergran (1892 – 1923).

The ballad about autumn was written and composed in 1965. Throughout all years I have experienced it as a romantic song, but not as a sad one. Now, after the message of Birgitta Ulfsson’s death, the song sudden feels so sad to me – and it feels like the song is more about the autumn time in human life than the season autumn. Life is so short and have an end, so hurry to love before it’s late – the song urges you!

The composer Erna Tauro once got the question of how to sing this ballad. She told: “Absolutely not melancholy! Neither Tove nor me are melancholic”. Yet and I’m sorry Erna, right now I’m melancholic… in a good way. 🙂

The ballad is written with the rhyme scheme ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGH IJIJ KLKL

I have worked hard with to make a translation with rhymes. But I’m not happy with what I accomplished so I’ve decided to make a translation with focus instead of the number of syllables in the every line. But I must tell I can’t neither sing nor play so I really don’t know if I get it right when working with lyrics to music. But I’m keen on a translation must follows the original carefully and that you only can change the words to overcome language differences. Everything else is really not translations but simply new poems inspired by the theme of the original. And I hate that. (There is nothing that can upset me more than to read translations of Swedish poems or lyrics into English! To see a poem become garbled make me actually more upset than to read Donald Trump himself saying something new nonsense on those media he calls “fake news”.)

Erna Tauro

Höstvisa Autumn ballad

The way home was very long and I didn’t meet anyone,
now the evenings gets chilly and short.
Come and comfort me a little, for I’m pretty tired now,
and suddenly so terrible alone.
I never noticed before that the darkness is so big,
walking around thinking of all what one should.
There are so many things I should had said and done,
and it was so very little I did.

Hurry my love, hurry to love,
The days darkens minute by minute.
Light our candles, it’s close to the night,
Soon the flowering summer is over.

I’m looking for something that we might have forgotten
and that you could help me to find.
A summer passes by, it is always as short,
It is the dream of what one could win.
Perhaps you come sometime before the dusk turns blue
before the meadows are dry and empty.
Perhaps we find each other, perhaps we’ll then
find a way to get everything to flower.

Hurry my love, hurry to love…

Now blows a storm out there and close the summer door
It’s too late for wondering and searching.
Maybe I love lesser than I did before
but more than you will ever get to know.
Now we see all lighthouses round the long autumn coast
and hear the waves wandering wildly.
The only thing important is the heart’s desire
and to be together with each other.

Hurry my love, hurry to love…


And so me trying to rhyme… 😦


The way home was very long and no one did I meet,
now the evenings gets chilly and late.
I’m tired in need of some comfort and a seat
sudden feeling in such a lonely state,
I didn’t noticed before how dark the darkness can be,
now I’m think a lot of all the things I should do ,
and all the things I should have said and done to thee
and how little I actually came to do.

Hurry my love, hurry to love,
the days passes faster than my song.
Light our candles, it’s close to the night,
Soon the flowering summer is gone.

I lock for what we might have overseen
and what you may can help me to explore.
A summer runs away too quick, always so keen
as it is the dream of all what could have been.
Maybe you’ll come before the dusk turns blue
and before the meadows dries and pale
Maybe we find a way back together that’s true
and get everything to flourish like in a fairy tale

Hurry my love, hurry to love…

Now a storm blows out there closing the summer door.
It’s too late to wonder and ponder and although
I may love lesser than I did before,
I still love more than you’ll ever know.
Now we see all lighthouses at the coast of fall
and hear the waves wildly wandering and roar.
Only one thing is important, it’s what the heart call
and be together as ever before

Hurry my love, hurry to love …

Tove Jansson and her life partner Tuulikki Pietilä


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It never happened





The very power of how you never
happened to me will never go away
but stay. You never touched my body,
but you shook my soul. You aroused in
me such a fire and now you’re my only
desire. Where is the key to get free?

One day I will travel to your city, I wish.
But don’t get scared of the shadows on
your streets when you walk home late
at night, it’s just me hiding in the dark
to see your dear face and smile lit by
the streetlight. But you know – it’s
only dreams, it all.





Själva kraften i hur du aldrig hände mig
kommer aldrig att försvinna men stanna
kvar. Du rörde aldrig vid min kropp men
skakade om min själ. Du väckte i mig ett
sådant begär att du nu är den ende som
jag har kär. Hur ska jag bli fri?

En dag önskar jag resa till din stad. Men
bli inte rädd för skuggorna på dina gator
när du vandrar hemåt i sena nätter. Det
är bara jag som gömmer mig i mörkret
för att se ditt kära ansikte och leende
upplyst av gatans ljus. Men du vet –
det är bara drömmar, alltsammans.





The title to this poem came first,  inspired by Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy Brey, who said on TV October 1, “I can tell you very clearly: Today a self-determination referendum in Catalonia didn’t happen”. This statement made such an impression on me – which in extension led to this poem angled to a theme that’s my own.

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I lost him a Thursday in October

I lost him a Thursday in October.
It was a chilly but sunny day and
I had just went to bed for a nap.
It was at 17.39 to be precise and
3600 km away he looked up and
met a pair of eyes with no lies but
promises and they were not mine.
From this second I was no longer
someone special but no one. And
tears wanted my eyes, but I told
myself to let it be. As the sun still
shone and I was still gone and I
had no case. It was just another
day. But right or wrong I felt sad,
so close as we once were. October
glow will go, everyone know and
November next with its low gloom.
Thereafter unknown. (All he never
wanted to do for me, I remember!)
I must be sensible.




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In the dark night I stand here and see the light in your windows…

I have no  authorization for the translation below, therefore it can’t be copied and spread, but stay on this blog only. Thank you!

Karin Boye, Swedish poet living 1900 – 1941

Karin Boye Swedish poet living 1900 – 1941

Dedication, poem number 14 from a poetry collection 1927 called Härdarna

I want to stand on this street even I’m cold,
to see the light in two gable panes unfold,
the one who lives there is to me very dear
I feel sick in my heart when it’s lit there.

I want to slowly turn around at the corner,
and perhaps a glimpse of her will occur.
Imagine, you are so close! Why am I here?
I feel sick in my heart when it’s lit there.


Tillägnan från samlingen Härdarna 1927

Jag vill gärna stå på gatan här och frysa
för att se två fönster på en gavel lysa.
Den som bor där inne är mig mycket kär.
Jag blir sjuk i hjärtat, när det lyser där.

Jag vill gå till hörnet, jag vill långsamt vända,
så att jag får se dig skymta fram kanhända.
Att du är så nära… Varför står jag här?
Jag blir sjuk i hjärtat, när det lyser där.


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To be Beyoncé…

To be Beyoncé,
a miracle it would be!
Be so to say
and wake up in
bright morning light,
with her perfect thighs,
like a goddess alike,
sexuality for sale. But
if her thighs were mine,
but they couldn’t hold
thee? Then to be
Beyoncé may not be all
to be! My thighs don’t cry
for perfection, they cry for
thee! To have and to hold,
to get that I would easily
give you a ring of gold.





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And whenever I think of you

And whenever I think of you
I get the instant urge to hold
you close and touch you so
tenderly but all we did was
arguing driving us apart but
when I think of you and it’s
about hundred times a day
I just want to be close to you.

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We live here apart

We live here apart and caught in the prejudices of our
societies and minds like flies in a spider web. But I know
that in another planetary system in a parallel reality we
live happily and sleep together every night, fitting like
a hand in glove. And I miss you…

But to live the love was not easy

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To live the love was not easy

I could consider to marry you
(if you still want it, of course)

if you

never more slaughter animals
never more say “I hate Jews”
never more say “homosexuality is disgusting”
never more abuse me with silences for weeks
never more being passive aggressive commenting

if you
stop to be so oversensitive and self-centered

if you
become a vegetarian like I am

Yes, I have come to realize “love” is not all what it takes.
Unconditional love is what only little babies needs.
Grown can’t expect it.

We live here apart and caught in the prejudices of our
societies and minds like flies in a spider web. But I know
that in another planetary system in a parallel reality we
live happily and sleep together every night, fitting like
a hand in glove. And I miss you…

But to live the love was not easy

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Catalonia, October 1, 2017 (2)

I can’t take a stand on this referendum matter, I know too little about the Spanish reality. But riot police, really! It’s just too much! The Spanish government has shot themselves in the foot!




Gallo Rojo, Gallo Negro is a Spanish song written by José Antonio Sanchez Ferlosio (also known as Chicho) (b 1940 – d 2003),Gallo Rojo, Gallo Negro (Red rooster Black rooster) is an anti-Franco song. It is well known in Sweden as it was translated to Swedish already in 1968 by the socialist poet and journalist Jacob Branting. The Swedish version has become a well-known song often performed by troubadours, it’s like a folk song of our own.




There is an English translation to read on:


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Catalonia October 1, 2017

I think the picture speaks  for itself.

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October and I miss you

September leaving and October coming and
autumn glow. Rain and clouds holds back and
the nature is bright. But we travels on different
roads now. Yet I wonder how you’re doing and
what you think about. Do you still think of me?
And me? Well, I can’t get you out of my mind,
even I try hard and even though I was the one
leaving the us. In nightly dreams you haunt me
to waking bad and upset. I miss you, I truly do.

Posted in Autumn poem, loneliness, loss, love poem, love story, nature, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

And the good men take their spaces…

This morning, me and my coffee and eyes on web newspapers: and “the good boys” take the spaces, seemingly unaware of what they do – and “the girls” let them!  

(But better believe me: every woman born knows!)

Yeah, that was what I said, guys!
Watch up! I see ya…


That’s better boys, keep it together!

(…at the Invictus Games in Toronto 2017. pics from different web papers, BBC and others)

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Life is what happens in the background

life is what happens in the background
a wagtail chirping outside your window
and you don’t know it’s my lonely soul
words are written on its wings, tales
of lovers like you and me, forever
apart from each other, but you
ignore it, busy with your
morning chores, now
as always before

Livet är vad som händer i bakgrunden
En sädesärla tjattrar utanför ditt fönster
Du vet inte att det är min ensamma själ
Ord är skrivna på dess vingar, sägner
om kärlekspar sådana som du och jag
för evigt skilda från varandra, men du
ignorerar det upptagen i din morgons
alldagliga sysslor, nu som alltid förr.





 the poem is inspired of a Youtube video with a chirping wagtail outside someone’s window, the line “life is what happens in the background” was added after as the line came to my mind when I rewatched this cover of Cabrel’s song

Posted in Africa, create life, inspiring music, inspiring picture, living in the world, loneliness, loss, love poem, nature, poem in English and Swedish, poem in Swedish and English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, secret love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

In September it’s far to next summer

In September it’s very far to next summer.
What’s written in the book that I then will
be reading? And what will I think of when
I look up on the blue summer sky a sunny
day? Will I still miss you? And you me? In
September everything’s leaving, nothing’s
coming. But “next summer” is just a hope!

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Log September 2017 The world is politics

I read on a Swedish website today that Spain takes over the Catalan police force in order to prevent the referendum the first of October. I’m not briefed about the relation between Catalonia and Spain to have an opinion about this conflict. But anyone can question the way Spain government acts. It’s unwise – and to say it straight out: it’s stupidity.

Once upon a time Sweden and Norway was one country (well, so I believed) with a certain autonomy for Norway. But one day the Norwegian government decided they wanted to be free from Sweden and told the Swedes. The Swedish king got an outburst and screamed “war”. But the Swedish government said “No”. The king insisted and the government said “we can’t afford it and it’s too much fuss, go home to your old castle and be what you should be, a staffage figure and shut up”. And since then 1905 Norway is an autonomous state.

Well, this story I believed in is not true I’ve have found, now checking it. Norway was in union with Sweden, never “belonging” to “us”. They ruled their own affairs except for foreign policy and had the same king as Sweden. And the liberation from Sweden was a bit more complicated than in the tale in my mind.

But it may be since then some Swedes seems to think it’s very funny to make jokes about Norwegians and all jokes comes out to be that Norwegians are silly and stupid fools. They are some you laugh at.

I don’t think the Norwegians cares about what stupid Swedes think about them. But their national day is a big and colorful carnival festival. So this union thing must have been uncomfortable for them. Sweden got a national day at first 1983. I certainly not celebrate such a day. Egocentrism and nationalism are quite embarrassing for modest Swedes.

So… since 1905 Norway has its own king and foreign politics. But as the Norwegians once gave Nobel Peace Prize to Burma’s civilian leader Aung San Suu Kyi, you maybe can make a little question mark over their acts in the foreign business? Or what?

There is a whole list of leaders now at the time that put you on a risk you to fall into anxiety and despair, for example:
San Suu Kyi
Robert Mugabe
Recep Tayyip Erdogan
Donald Trump
Kim Jong-Un
Vladimir Putin

and (and you can fill in more …)

So it is then… Catalonian prepare for election now the first of October. I hope they succeed to make it. If the Spanish government had stayed calm, it had been a chance the Catalans had voted for stay in Spain. Now is a “no” a likely outcome!

Tomorrow is the election in Germany. Angela Merkel appears as a counter pole in world of leaders of mad men. She (her party) is expected to win the election. If she is the best for Germany – I don’t know. But no doubt she is the best for Europe. We need her desperately, emotionally for what she stands for, giving hope to common man – and objectively for what she actually can provide as a as a representative power factor for Europe.

It is sad to experience that a good person like her gets so mocked by some. She is a true Jeanne d’Arc character, though I probably would not share her internal political and religious standpoints.

Germany has the lowest unemployment figures in Europe, just over 3%. But if you consider German women are expected to work part-time or stay at home full time after marriage and having children, this figure will give you a different meaning.

For Sweden the figure is 6,7% . Yet, this too is depending how you count. Some people are included in labor programs. And for migrants in Sweden is the figure over unemployment a bit over 20 – 22 %.

The German haters have of course a party too. AFD. (In English: Alternative For Germany.) They hate migrants primary. “Of course”! One reason they claim for to be against migrants is the increase in the number of sex crimes, especially rapes.

According to Sweden’s TV website, the number of rape in Bavaria has increased by 50%. And 18% of the crimes are committed by men with foreign background.

But think about it: if you get raped – do you really think the nationality of the dick matters?

My son told me today about another German party named “The party”  – and it has actually a chance to come over the barrier of 5% of the votes! Even if this party idea is simply a satire of politics.

I would not vote for them. But I think the same about the Swedish politicians.What they say when I watch them on the TV news is just blah blah blah blah …


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Love cannot cure stupidity





I’ve finally canceled his awful
silences out of my life. When
my hesitation was gone and it
was done I felt a great relief!

If he could ask me if I still miss
him, my answer would be “yes”.
If he could ask me if I still love
him, my answer would be “yes”.

If he would like to ask if we can
be together again, the answer
would be a very clear “no”.

But why wasn’t he good to me?
Oh, but he is such a stupid man
and love cannot cure stupidity!

John Bauer, Prins i Månland







original record by Spider and Amanda Blue Leigh 1981

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A rainy day in Sweden

the prettiest cat in Sweden (she’s mine)

I can’t find high quality cat food nearby I live, so I must go for an hour’s bus tour to and fro to a shopping mall outside town. And so I did Wednesday September 20th. I hate it and this day even more as it was very chilly and heavy rain and my feet caused me great pain as they always do nowadays. But I began the day by listening to one of my many favorite songs. And I ended the day by write my own lyrics to it. The song is “A rainy day in Georgia”, the original written by Tony Jo White in 1967. (But what I wrote rained away.)


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Nostalgia (2) (Love hurts)

And this is what we accomplished:
hurted hearts! As you hurt me and
I hurt you, yet no harm meant: gore!
“You’re the victim of your crime”!




Francis Cabrel – Si tu la croises un jour – If you meet her one day
English translation:

 “You’re the victim of your crime” – it’s a quote from Queen “Too much love will kill you”.

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The Fox (Nostalgia)


In evenings, just when the first darkness falls and humans not sleep yet and he’s just began his nightly round, since his growling intestines forces him out from one of his temporary hiding places, he becomes standing for a moment behind a branch of a fir’s skirt and enquiring stare across the plain to the house at the small hill where windows are lit – and sudden another hunger and a dim memory tear him up and a longing comes over him of what was his once on a borrowed time, as once as a puppy he was saved by those two-legs strangers when his mother was shot dead and he became raised and cuddled with like a pet until he’d grown and it was time for him to go back to his solitary and wild destiny, hunt and be hunted, kill and be killed. Killed for his righteous purpose to feed himself, killed unrighteous for his beautiful red fur, hated for being him and admired and envied for  being him, it all beyond his ability to comprehend. Sometimes at such instants it comes over him a longing for the tame life, the ready-served meat bone life, but only for a very short worrying moment. Then is heard the scream from a vixen in the forest behind him and he instantly turn around and slip away, following his instinct and instantly forgetting that feeling not belonging to the species that’s his.


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