I’ve lived in this house for ten years but
for the last years I’ve mostly been online,
it all while I tried to shake off my feelings
of wearing a cooling suit of loneliness and
desolation. Solitude has for long been my
curse and in times of despair I’ve wonder
why I’ve to suffer such burden and shame.
Sadness stays my only steady companion.
I’ll move to another house not far but still a
different road. But I fear I’ll repeat the same
pattern and a change will never come to me,
my love forever a dream never coming true.
But what he told me is true: that we became
lovers isn’t a miracle, the miracle is to meet.
Hope stays with us: a bright dot in dark, but
sadness stays as my only steady companion.
Now in process of leaving, a rearview mirror
has come to my eyes and I see the beautiful
surrounding nature here has fooled me my
loneliness and sadness were only a state of
mind and not for real. I’ve tried to be happy
and lived here long I know every tree but not
one single person, sadness my companion.
But I write about it because we are so many.
These alienated and cold neighbors around,
they can’t afford to give others a “hello, how
are you”: some lonely renters here have died
all alone only to be detected only by the smell
and then to be discreetly transported away in
slowly driving ambulances, not to bother any.
And sadness has been my steady companion,
while I combated bitterness, hate and grief.
But I’ve met a man and he insists on loving me
beyond what’s common and sensible. He lives
far away but he has also a steady place in my
heart. His love melts my frozen soul like butter
melts on hot toast and causing me little smiles
come to dance on my lips. Similarly, his friends
asks why he smiles so strange, but he can’t tell.
Sad to be apart, we’re still steady companions.