Online friends, good and bad ones

I have been a member on a pen pal site to and fro since 2011. I have met a few friends for life there, as Anne from England – a very nice lady now 76 years old. We been friends for 6 years now. And I have met Mohamed  from Morocco on that site, though who at the moment is not talking to me. But it his choice. I still love this stubborn friend. Still fire certainly dies without oxygen. It’s sad. But “sad” does not mean being badly harmed getting scars for life.

This following is a telling how I today been reminded of people who really harmed me, giving me scars and  changed my view of people and world in a negative way. But I’m not sure if I can put the bad experiences into words, it’s not easy to express painful emotions in prose.

I have met some more friends than those two mentioned above that was real and true people. For some reasons and I don’t remember why now with time we lost contact. A few years ago I had pretty much online friends. Not so now. You discover with time it’s not easy to meet true people and lasting friendship online. The saying “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince” applies well for trying to find true friends online. All those hundreds and hundreds of fakes and scammers I’ve met during the years to be lucky to meet only a handful good people – it’s just terrible!

As said, I have a membership on a pen pal site since 2011.  I have deleted my Profile sometimes, not depending on lack of interest from my side, but because of the overwhelming number of scammers and sexual abusers on this site. The most of them are what’s called romance scammer. Some want money, some looking for sexual meetings. And some are nothing but sexual abusers.

They are actually at times so many of bad people on this particular pen pal site I wonder how those bad apples ever find it profitable to hunt there?

Regular professional scammers are for the most American middle age men. One of them calling himself “Bill” succeeded to really fool me during a couple of weeks. I thought I had met a serious man and could see the possibility of a common future together. “Silly me”?

That positive impression and friendship died instantly when he asked me to put some money on his bank account!

The most fraudsters though are just clumsy amateurs, mostly a kind of romance scammer outside Europe  not asking for money. They are looking to take advantage of a white and older and lonely woman –  like me  – living inside the EU, falsely believing a marriage with a European citizen would give them visa and a better future.

But so stupidly foolish the Swedish migration authority has never been – and nowadays it’s out of question to get a visa to Sweden as the borders since 2016 in practice are closed. Even serious relationships are denied such applications. Even foreigners with a job in Sweden for years back, a stable home and children born in Sweden are expelled without any mercy. It’s terrible, but still another story.

Some men from some countries are more characteristic than others to mistreat women. Men from India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh for example. They have a manner to talk to women as we are ignorant morons.

Some American and some European men do that too, certainly. They are just not as active and many on this online site as men from Asia and Africa. I don’t know much about them as they start with flirting and I’m just not interested in such and delete them. Except for that “Bill” guy then, who seemed so sympathetic at first … Cleaver devil… 😦

It took a while to regain my wounded pride and self esteem after I had blocked him, but it was all it was about it with that bad adventure. He was a professional romance scammer, but there was no sorrow for a lost love in my heart. Thank God for that! 🙂

Apple basket, oil painting Russell Gordon born 1968

I have had contacts with some guys from a couple of Arabic countries. But nowadays I mostly avoid people from those countries too. Because there a too many bad apples in those baskets.

But it’s shocking – a whole generation young Moroccans men want to leave their country, because the lack of good future opportunities there. And so then – we have all those young Moroccans who sudden falls in love in an old woman like me.

(I’m not talking now about my special friend from the same country! There are too many white west people talking shit about Muslims and Arabs just because they are just that, but don’t try that racist talk with me. I hate it as much as I hate Arabs talking shit about black Africans and condemn homosexuality.)

I guess everyone knows about the flood of Moroccans who have come to Europe for a future here. It’s not easy to legal come to Europe. Some succeed better than others – as they have nothing at all to lose. We have about 800 underground living children living in Sweden coming from Morocco, most of them sleeping on the street and addicted to drugs. Some of them are as young as 8 to 10 years old. They have never been in a school or been in a normal home and are very violent, able to kill for a cookie.

But back to “my” pen pal site and its members – people from Algeria are very special  too. Not at all like guys from their brother country. The Algerians (on this site!) are not so much looking for coming to Europe. They may be more informed then people in their brother land? What they want is to have some romance in life, living in a strict Muslim country. If it includes meeting with tourists and/or online sex – they are “open-minded”. But the most I can say about them is they are/were (I avoid them now) very often so rude and bad mannered! Why, I don’t know – but to my experience, if they don’t get what they want from you, they just tell you things you never read before. You just can’t believe your eyes reading those insults, it’s just so ridiculous you can’t take it seriously…

Yes, and some of them have not only bad manners, they are simply sex abusers. Like Abdou. But Abou is firstly a professional scammer. My whole telling is about this Abdou guy who had the nerve to contact me now again.

The last I had contact with this Algerian guy was in beginning of spring 2015. I was lonely and still sad as my friend Mohamed had the year before stopped writing without any reason.  It was first time he exposed me for his later so famous withdrawn silences, impossible to live with. But we hardly knew each other then, so it was strange for me I missed him so much. I think there was a loss of some  female friends from Europe and the US too at that particular time.

Hugo vad der Goes (ca 1440 – 1498) The fall of Adam and Eve

And I had shortly met  a couple of those so very rude guys from Algeria. So I was determined not to let those two give a whole country a bad reputation. And I really needed someone nice person to chat with. So I was an open door for a skillful and professional scammer like Abdou. And he was so extremely good looking too! Wow!

But of all bad guys I met on internet, he’s the worst!

He had simply found a way to make a living by scam women online. He never looked for support from others or complained for having no job. No, he was busy all days with all kind of small jobs, including to also sell himself for sex. Maybe the frustration he declared of that last – get paid for sex –  made him to a sexual predator? But I doubt it, he was a charming sociopath who enjoyed being cruel to people.

I willingly admit I’ve been naive during my time on internet as I did not understood how bad people online can be. And for those men who told me they had romantic feelings for me I have had a foolish strategy too I now regret. Instead for just delete them I told them I gave them a chance to proof they were honest in their romantic aspirations. I was thinking time will show the right coat on this creature. It was crazy, I should not have done that. But it certainly gave me material to many poems.

Laura de Noves,, the muse of Petrarch

For a very high cost my experiences latest years made me to a romantic poet, same kind as Petrarch. It’s a genre, chic lit poetry, not really personal confessions as some read them as. I hardly remember now my muses. That was it was then.

With exception for a man called “Mr Goodman” that I actually met online and had a romance with during autumn 2011 to summer 2014 as well as now with my mute friend Mohamed.

I am a lonely  person. But I was never looking for romances. All I wanted was to get some real friends and to learn to write good English. And now I write in English. And I have a blog. I have my friend Anne in England. Maybe one more?

I was never aware about those unpleasant experiences online in reality were sexual abuses. It was first earlier this year when I heard on the TV news a guy in Sweden was prosecuted and sentenced to jail for internet rape and sexual harassment online I got the insight what really I had been exposed to  – as well.

Now today two years after I blocked this Abdou, he writes me again! It was quite a shock! The worst is he call himself now “The Berber Prince”, what a dishonor for all berber!

I go again some new  penpal friends and they were horrified over my relationship with this guy and told me to block him. And it ended very badly this “friendship” with Abdou, as we chatted on Skype and he used to tell me what he wanted to do with me sexually. Normal sex was nothing for him, what he wanted was to brutalize women with violent anal sex. He claimed women liked to be violated and liked pains. And believe it or not – I argued with him about it! Too often he just logged in as coming home drunk and wanted to masturbate in front of me. If he did I don’t know as I used to log of when he began to talk too dirty. It made him furious, he let me know when we chatted next time… He wanted me to apologize! When I didn’t he got pissed off for that. Yes, it became real ugly!

Meg Ryan “You’ve got mail” 1998

Yet sometimes I was not aware of the deceptive behavior going on while we still talked. As I asked him once why he did not looked in the camera and he told me the reason he did not looked at me was he had another screen watching porn while chatting with me. And then he showed me this second screen he was looking at. He was watching porn at the same time he talked to me  – and now he wanted me to watch the porn with him! Luckily I could not see a thing was happened on that other screen, but only be told got me log off for that night.

He lived with his parents as many guys in Arabic countries. It was a mystery for me as I got the impression his parents were nice godly Muslim people. I asked what they said about him coming home badly drunk on Friday’s as he did every week. He got a cruel expression in his face and simply said to me they were to wise to challenge him. If they would even dare, he would teach them better, he said. I understood he was a dangerous person.

Yes, but I felt safe, living many thousand kilometers away. Writing my blog far away I handled it all.  So I thought. It feels like this bad “friendship” was going on for a pretty long time, but it was not. It lasted for only a few weeks, much less than two months.

I think the cruelty in his behavior towards me came at first when he realized he spent time creating a relationship with a poor woman without any money. His plan was simply I would travel to Tunisia and we would spend time together there. At my expense. Now realizing this was not possible he still kept in touch to “keep me” for sexual harassment.

Again, as Algeria is far from Sweden I felt safe. I handled him with my writing. I really believed that his sexualition of reality was a challenge and I wanted to be able to write about anything, though I’m shy in person. So my poetry became more sexually oriented too. I wanted to beat him on his own area, but give a female point of view. And I planned to write a novel. To get even. It never came to be written. And I almost forgot him after I had blocked him.

It sounds strange to me now. Why did I spend time with a criminal? In my “real” physical world I would never do that. And sometimes I think all the years I spend on this pen pal site is just a big loss, as the emotional costs has been too high for me. Yet I have learned a lot about other cultures, about the common homophobia in Africa and how racist white people in west still are –  and I have learned to write in English.

During this years I became a blogger. I can’t regret that.

But again; was it worth it? I have asked myself that many times the last two years. I wrote poetry as young and in Swedish. I regained my poetry writing thanks to my online friends, both the good ones and the bad ones. And my blog – I would for anything want to refrain it. Not my many years of friendship with Anne either who I also met on this pen pal site, not to forget! Not with my love for this man now who don’t talk to me more (“forever” huh!)

People urged me back then to end up with this guy as he was dangerous. I did not listen to them. I felt save up in my little Nordic country. It ended one day as I was on my way walking to an appointment with my dental hygienist. I was nervous and scared for the treatment – and sudden I realized I was more afraid for this friendly and kind little woman who are my dental hygienist – about 1,60 m and 55 kg in her thirties and named Eva – than I was for this big abusive gangster, named Abdou. Finally I understood what my other online friends told me for long, this was crazy and strange: I allowed this man to violate me. And then after home again I blocked him.

And today he wrote me under another Profile!!! I blocked him without answer. Easy. But I lost my good mood for the rest of day remembering all that bad stuff that once was.

But I keep the white rose and my pink pen.

This entry was posted in armed loneliness, dreamers, fragile, friendship, living in the world, loneliness, loss, morality, online friends, past, poems by vonnely, relationships, repression and borders, sexuality, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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