As if I tried to catch the wind

I held out my hands for love, but it
seems to me all I caught was wind.
My years have run away like sand
through my fingers and I now face
my last life years and I’m still alone.

Oh, I’ve surely been told more than
once I’m wonderful and lovable and
so worthy to get someone to love!

But look at people who are married
and have so been for decades – some
of them look or behave so ugly, that
you wonder how they ever could get
married? It’s a true life enigma, I say!

So what do we aged single people do
with life? Oh, we have a home of our
own, maybe with a nice garden, which
gives us something to do and care for.
Maybe we have friends and hobbies
and listen to music or chat with a cat.
Maybe we have a room with a view.

From my window I can see the ocean
and the horizon far away. Some days
a striking rainbow reminds me about
Mr. Goodman. He once said to me he
wanted to put my name on a rainbow 
everyone to see how much he loved me.

I said “all I want is you to be real and
coloring my life with your love”. But it
was back then. I guess it wasn’t meant
to be and I guess that he’s married and
has forgot all about me.

I held out my hands for love, but all
I caught was wind and now my years
have run away like sand through my
fingers. But time dry tears and I try to
be happy with what was given to me
and live my life as well as I can and –
I never want to cry again.

But honestly, deep down in my heart
I wished more for me. I wanted love
and to hold a lover’s warm body in my
arms. I wanted to feel his heartbeats
and breathe his warm breath…

And – now I’m standing at my window,
looking at the rainbow far over the sea.
I know it’s a light thing after rain. I also
know it’s now and not connected to any
memory. But I feel so old and furrowed
and very silly to even look. I’ve lost my
courage and my faith and my hope is
like a newly hatched chicken…
vulnerable! I would be scared if I tried!

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This entry was posted in Africa, aging, become old, borders, inspiring music, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, rebellious lovers and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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