Well – I have a few around now and then,
but they makes me feel lonely. They live
in their own places with pictures on walls,
saying “I” and “me” and “I” and “me” and
no more. And I’m not invited. People talk
about lack of “time” and their schedules,
but of course it’s not about that.
I look at lighted windows and I’m thinking
I’m better off alone. And life without you –
it becomes like I predicted it to be – going
back to how it always was before.
I look calm and solid, but I’m scattered.
As if I am without a purpose. It should
not be like this – you were no good and
I should be happy now.
But your being was good for me, it made
me feel calm, joyful, so very self-confident
and cast in one piece. Yes, happy! But you
were scary and dangerous and dishonest.
A concrete threat to my physical safety. I
simply had to cut you off to protect myself.
And I don’t miss you so much. But I really
miss myself with you! You fulfilled me and
I liked to be with me. I asked you why this
was and you said it was “love” – but
I don’t think it was.
I don’t know what is was.