Bad connections

My computer crashed and died one of the last days of September – and my daily life became so strange and unpleasant – since almost my whole social life is on line… and then I also got connection problems when I wanted to talk with a close friend on phone… Well..!

In the silence after calls never connected or never answered…Yes, this silence in my empty and lonely rooms – this absence of voices and absence of shared lives and shared thoughts… all this nothingness – it’s my life, yes… and it’s like my whole life story from the past haunt me and now have caught me by the throat again… and I don’t want the bad feelings it gives me, no…

It’s a lovely autumn this year, sunny, warm and colorful – like a young beauty, barefooted dancing and thoughtlessly undressing – throwing her dainty little lingerie all around her. But I’m not cheerful and not young any longer and it feels as I’ve never been it. My heart has been frozen in cold nights while I sweat in dreams there I fumble around, being awkward and misplaced… I wake up sad in morning with a vague anxiety, and I go to bed at night depressed after one more eventless day… And days become to weeks and I’m like a lost item in outer space – and there is no consolation for the loner. No…

I can’t see you, I can’t hear you and I can’t touch you, I don’t even know for sure if you really are there – far away. You have the power over me as you carry my faith – without you I will be like one of the golden and blushing autumn leaves now falling to the ground to moulder and be forgotten, yes… Once you were so eager to get me and now this… No…

I call and I call and I listen to endless signals… no answers… Or I get an answer from a metallic voice saying in French and English “the number you call is not available for the moment, but please try again later on”. And that’s what I do – try again later on, yes… But I’ve tried too much for too long to keep us in touch – while your efforts meanwhile mainly have been to encourage me to go on with it… And my phone bills has been sky-high, yes…

We get to talk again finally – when you are back home over a weekend and have a relatively proper cell phone coverage …. “Bad connections” is how you sum up my past weeks misery and then you say “I love you” and automatically I say the same to you. But my words sounds strange to me …. And we actually don’t talk so much … No…

I’ve missed you so much for so long…  Now cold November comes with its unappealing and life-less nudity and grim depressing darkness… and my longing for you has come into conflict with distressing feelings of resentment… yes…

This entry was posted in love poem, love story, Poetry, rebellious lovers and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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