… a friend on line said to me while I was my working with this entry “Well, promise me that you shall not mention me on your blog ever” … and I couldn’t resist the temptation to use that striking request as a headline… The entry went is own way.
I want to point out to this friend and to others: this blog is not an autobiography or any “confessions” or something like that. It’s poetry.
“Internet obsessions I”
I wait so intensely to hear from you, you man
of few words in the distance, my dear friend.
I remember you in the morning when you have
visited me in my sleep, and my evenings are a
hope of a rare email from you. I cannot forget
you, nor deny your power over me. Each
harmless little word from you will be read
and weighed on a gold scale, and put in a Safe
among hidden dreams, as those of a spinster who
doesn’t fit in. I realize I’m just one among your
friends in cyberspace and I hide my obsession
well, and my eyes are clear and innocent,
but my pulse rushes high.
(from my poem suit “Internet obsessions” October 29 2011)
”Internet obsessions II”
My sky is dark
and so is my life
But there you are
a distant star far away
You brought light into my eyes
and a secret sorrow into my heart
From another time you look at me
and still you are the only one of men
who really sees me as I am
Still our obsession is only a fantasy
recycling the oceans with salty tears
In your dreams I’m your mistress
a dark unknown earth with continents
you have a crave to explore
And so are you and so am I
Man and woman
Sky and earth
but still apart
Missing the other
(from my poem suit ”Internet obsessions”, January 19 2012)
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU (Okay, promise me that you shall not mention me on your blog ever)
He: I searched for you at IP
He: then messenger and you are here
She: yes, I’m here 🙂
She: where are YOU now…
He: I am here too
He: Great photo at Skype
He: I was trying to enlarge it
He: this is slow
She: be patient darling….
She: OK 🙂
He: what are you doing ?
She: talking to you, what else would be?
He: so you are not busy…good
She: not busy no, and you are you busy going somewhere?
He: I am all yours
She: and there they sat and smiled and said not a word…
He: so how are things at IP?
He: How is your American friend?
She: My American friend is now dumped, finally….
He: oh, what happened?
She: have you not read my blog?
He: yes..a bit
She: a bit…what does that mean… Well, that relation did not move forward…
He: okay…so he was going to meet you…then what happened?
She: he was going to meet me yes, but it never happened…
He: I read your blog again …but there is no clear reason for the breakup
He: actually online relationships are tricky
She: yes, are they not 🙂
She: I think so, but you are a nice one to have
He: really?? what nice thing have I done so far?
She: being you
He: and I see no mention of me in your blog…
He: so I am not that important or not that bad
She: well, now you put me on your friend list hell (or heaven) is waiting for you, just wait and see
He: Okay, promise me that you shall not mention me on your blog ever
She: no, no promises…. have I so far write any about any you think I should have not done
She: Have I so far write anything about a person that you think I should not have done?
She: Okay, trust me then I would not do any to harm you
She: are you laughing at that??????????????
He: usually it is the people who you trust that harm you
She: so is that you laugh at?
He: yes…it is ironical
She: I don’t know what to say to that
He: okay, me neither
He: And what about the Arabic man…what’s new?
She: what Arabic man?
He: the one who was going to marry you and you said your son did not like him
She: you have a memory of a horse… You have no idea how many people I have talk to on that site…
He: no idea…how many? …………..
He: is it taking that long to count?
She: I have not a clue, but this American and you are the only I have some sort of friendship to; I don’t know if you call it relation what you have on net? It’s you two and then it’s my females friends… and then there are guys I talk a while with… and then delete …
She: …what you are un patient today
He: impatient not un patient
He: I was worried my net has slowed
She: I have heard on news about the electricity in India, sorry I didn’t understand it
He: there was a grid failure about a month ago
She: a month ago, yes it was then I lost you….
He: it was not the reason
He: you had deleted me
She: yes, yes….
He: And I was upset
She: no, I only took you off the friend list, you were not the only one, but I’m sorry I did wrong
He: well, I tried to heal you and not have sex talk with you and was shocked with the deletion
He: I was trying to be a good friend
He: it was shit happening then with another guy, I really don’t want to talk about it, but I’m very sorry you had to pay for it…
He: It is ok
He: we can restart our friendship
She: I hope so, but I have to say all that talk about guys and mind..whatever it’s called… mind games… sometimes I was afraid you did that with me, and it was hard because I like you… it’s the same you talk about before, trust…it’s tough
He: yes it is
He: Ok, now tell me
He: the rules of friendship
He: what do you want
He: 1-friendship-normal conversation
He: 2-close friendship- intimate conversations
He: please be very clear
She: are you serious? what is “normal conversation” what is “intimate conversation”?
He: normal is what we are having now
He: intimate is about well you know
She: I think what we talk now is to be close, because otherwise we would not define things. About “well you know” it’s so infected by the dirty guys so at the moment I can’t cope with it….
He: these dirty guys have spoiled the reputation of all men
He: okay…now your turn to ask questions
He: ask anything
She: but it’s not about their reputation but how I feel because of it….. ask anything… 🙂
He: I mean ask any question
He: for chat
She: no I can’t, I just want to know if you are my friend for real and not playing with me, for whatever reason…
She: and how you cope with life
He: I am not playing with you.
He: I am very busy with work
She: busy with work is not saying how to deal with things… have you change your life and taking care of you
He: yes I have
She: in what way
He: I am serious about work more
He: I got to go now
She: how many female do you have on net talking close to
He: female friends=14
He: close talking=2
She: talking sex with?, of this two – is one me?
She: no what?
He: I haven’t talked sex with you
She: you have not?
He: not in last six months
She: ok, if you say so… but you said you have to go, so go then
He: no..today I shall answer your questions, I can stay for five more minutes
She: so you have two women now you talk “you know” with on net now, and that is not including me?
She: yes! I don’t understand it.
He: yes, two woman without including you
She: that is what I don’t understand, why do you do it?
He: I have some bad part in me
He: and some good part
She: and you think that is the bad part
She: and you want to include me in your bad part, why?
He: if you have a bad part too…only then
She: define “bad”
He: bad+not approved by society/morality
She: no, that is not bad, bad is what is in your heart and how you treat others and feelings
He: well then it is not bad as I do not like to hurt anyone
She: well, you can do if you create a little harem online, and me.. I’m a very jealous woman I don’t share…
He: so we should be only good friends then
She: and now we know more
She: OK, off you go 🙂
He: bye for now 🙂