To stay authentic within the limits of life

 

 

 

 

He had been her friend and guardian angel
for long as he had held the gate to the tomb
of loneliness locked and at the same he had
kept a door ajar to what could have become
love and tenderness and belonging in world.
But who fools whom in a deceitful world of
desires and frustrations? She feared and still
fears the others and all demands in life and
her own mortality and she fears to be alone.
But hopes on ice turns deadly cold with time
and even though the lonely one is not strong,
at least she can be true and authentic within
the limitations that became her life and world.
You must recognize the lonely one’s courage!

 

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Composted forgettings

Before you say “forget about it”,
maybe you should tell me what
it is I should forget about? You
carry a whole trash bin with all
these “forget it” and I fear I will
one day get all yours “forget it”
in anger thrown all over me.

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August trail

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kissed by the shadow of what could have been,
him gone when August arrived in cooling nights
with its Moon’s Mona Lisa smile. And it darkens
a little bit more every day. All we know for sure:
we are all mortal and we’ll leave life one by one
all alone. But our foolish hearts always trembles
for more: the magical promise of an eternal love
in the eyes of “the other”. Not a word of farewell,
but he might lost hope of what was never there.
For me remains to look for more walkable trails.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Bauer, Prins i Månland (Prince in Moon Land by the Swedish painter John Bauer 1882 -1918)

 

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Crisis can create creativity!

An area that’s burning in Northern Sweden is a military shooting field with undetonated ammunition in the terrain, nobody allowed to enter. Today, Army force tries to bomb the fire, to stifle the oxygen supply to the fire. I’m mighty proud of this bold and innovative try of the Swedish forces! 🙂

 
http://www.svt.se/nyheter/lokalt/dalarna/har-slapper-jas-planet-bomben-i-alvdalen
http://www.aftonbladet.se/nyheter/a/J1AxvX/flygvapnet-slapper-bomber-over-branderna
http://www.dn.se/nyheter/sverige/gripenplan-bombar-skjutfaltet-vid-trangslet/

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“It could be worse!”

Have a bad government with confused ministers who don’t know how to find their own hands in their pockets, wishing for another reign but realise the alternative we would get an even worse government that is not footed, but for certain will make everything worse for everyone except those who are already too rich, then what you got? A desillusioned mind and a frustrated distrust of politicians, the kind of mind created that has fed parties like those who reigns in Poland and Hungary and leaders like Le Pen and Donald Trump. Standing here though happy not to live in Turkey, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and several other terrible countries… Standing here, trying to be comforted that it could be worse!

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När skogen brunnit ned (When the forest has burned down)


När skogen brunnit ned
och vilar svart och förkolnad
spirar ny grönska fram som
bidat sin tid under många år.
Vi ser att det som förbrändes
gödde det som skulle komma.
Och vi går här nu, du och jag.

 

Svedjenäva (Geranium bohemicum)

(for once I wrote  my poem in Swedish and made a try to translate it)

When the forest has burned down
and rests black and charred, new
greenery sprouts that has bided its
time for years. We see what was
burnt, nourished what would come.
And now we walk here, you and I.

 

 

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Perspective (world closer my door I almost got my toes toasted)

Enskogen outside Ljusdal, Sweden, July 17, 2018

I usually start my day with coffee while I check the news from the world on the web. And ”the world” is somewhere on the other side of Oresund Bridge. But now ”the world” has come close to my own doorstep!

We have had a terrible dramatic heat wave in Sweden since the end of May, resulting later in summer to no or limited feed for the cattle and farmers forced to sent some of them for emergency slaughter and further came reports of expected poor harvests. And since a week back the situation has escaleted to a lot of devastating and dramatic and extensive forest fires. Rain was promised for the week, but at Monday the 16th it was clear no rain was in sight. But the whole country was actually burning, from almost north to almost the south.

A day or two ago about a dozen forest fires were out of control and all over around the country 60 fires was about. Now there are three to four forest fires out of control and yesterday about fifty all forest areas burning. Today it’s down to ”only” fortifour” fires. Only rain can solve the crisis, is said – and rain is not expected for several weeks ahead!

Our crisis has got attention abroad. I read in one foreign media telling ”arctic areas” in Sweden are burning. It’s not. The landscape Härjedalen (for example) in Sweden is a bit above Stockholm, but it’s certainly not an arctic area! 😊 😊

But it’s all true we actually have a catastrophe here right now. Which we aren’t used with to have and we had some problems to incorporate it in our minds at first. Disasters of any kind are namely something that happens abroad and far away and in areas that are less, less,less… (something)not orderly and organized as in our little country. ☹

A common man in an area where inhabitans was going to be evacuated told a reporter the other day: “Well, I’m told to leave, but I won’t. I’m staying because I’ve planned a fishing trip tonight.” (Hello, my name is Sven and my surname is Stupid.) (Can you hear the Swedish accent?) 😊

Earlier in the week a women in her 70s told a reporter she had said to a military man ”you can’t force me to leave my house and he said ’actually I can’ and he grabbed me and pushed me and my hubby away”. And then she added ”I think he saved us!”! Yes, well…

But I can’t imaging how it would be like to leave the house that’s your home and not knowing if you ever will see it again – and all your stuff and all memories they hold! I could see on TV people carry out their cats and some things in bags and they drived away crying.

Around 400 to 500 people from some villages and farms have been evacueted. It’s a luck it’s sparsely populated areas and so far no people has been harmed.

And I think we got it now, the fact we have a catastrophe situation ”in Sweden!” and that we as a unit actually is as part of the world. (Yes, ”in Sweden, who would believe that”, as Donald once said.)

The crisis at first got even worse as our own local rescue services don’t have sufficient resources, so Sweden gets help from Norway, Litaua, Poland, Denmark, Italy, France and Germany. And the contributions from the other countries have made a big and successful difference!

Not only ordinary people in the fire brigades but even the government members realizes now (I hope!) we must have a more developed defence against environmental disasters.

And finally, the Army too has joined the fire fighting (forest fires are not on their table and most of the staff have their vacations now and union rules prevents us from force people back on duty, a military leader said at first to media). (Nice to know, Putin said!) But then someone important leader must have said something in fury to someone other leader on another authority – and now all resources are gathered and cooperates. Good!

Swedish authorities are independent entities and seems unable to cooperate without complicated regulatory systems. It’s not uncommon individuals and events “fall between the chairs”, as it is called. Decision-makers excuses that otherwise would risk democratic principles and values and methods, but it seems more likely to be about bureaucracy, prestige, stubbornness and inside corruption cultures among leaders of organizations.

But there are really no time for reflections but actions at the instant moment, but it surely will be investigations afterwards by government and authorities how to improve the civil defense for the future.

Normally when authorites in dramatic situations makes statement on TV they tell people not to worry and live as normal, but this time we are warned not to underestimate the situation – and that’s uncommon, actually, to be strongly warned! But uncontrolled forest fires are a horrific life danger. Only the pictures are scary enough! (If I only were able to copy them from the web, but they are protected.)

We, the public; are told only rain can save us from this disaster – and we are told it can takes several weeks more before it will come rain!

Actually the staff forces working to fight the fires are exhausted of day and nights overtime work without sleep and rest – their efforts are the kind of heroes!

No end is thus promised, but it surely will be! And I believe it will come rain sooner than the crisis manager on the governing authority of civilian crises (MSB) sees from his perpective! The problems now are not to get people of different catogories and positions to understand the danger or not to get resources enough to fight the fires. The risk factors are now winds, thunders and fires going underground hiding deep down in the soil.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Add: Since I wrote this entry the number and extent of the fires in Sweden have increased. And not only Sweden is haunted in Europe. I had no reason to be optmistic really! The best is Poland sent  today a force with firemen and cars.

 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For once we Swedes wish for rain!

If next summer will rain away – as Swedish summers often do, I guess we will be happy get along with it, remembering this summer? Oh, but humans have a short memory!

Although this summer though will be historic.

And we may have a new Government after the parliamentary election this autumn because of the current government incompetence to build and manage Sweden’s civil defense?

It seems to me today’s politician are all confused viewing the current world we live in and in this confused lack of visions and ideal, they turn the coat after the wind whatever it blows – and holds the grip on the rack on the wagon on the roller coaster where they feel they are, hoping to land on feet and with an outcome get something right.

Not with this, they did. Initially leastwise.

YB my pic June 27, 2017

In my living room I have a whole wall with big windows facing south, lovely view but in summers it gets unhealthy hot indoors – this summer up to about 88F! And I’m surely too old living in this heat for weeks. I was tempted yesterday to call for medical care, feeling scary sick! (And my son told me that only having the thought should force  me to go and actually see a doctor. So I guess he too – as I – nowadays experienced me to have become old and week and vulnerable!) ☹

But this autumn in November it will be a change and a new start (too) in my private life as I’m moving to a new flat, one more comfortable with elevator and in a ”better” area… And I will then have only three less sized windows and all of them to the east. No view! The current tenant told me when she showed us the living room and the balcony ”you can’t grow tomatoes here!” I understood that she experienced this as a limited quality of the apartment. But for me it sounded good! 😊

view from my livingroom November 24 2013

 

 

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What in Helsinki did they talk about?

Media and politicians in Europe and US feared what would happen when Putin and Trump met in Helsinki this Monday. Now, Putin is not the kind of diplomatic European leader that anyone would dare to bully, so the bull didn’t…

And then Trump gets critized for it ”back home”! He lost ”the battle”, so we are told! Putin was ”the winner”, both republicans and democrats yells in the public room. In that spirit is the criticism.

But it was not a battle, it was a meeting at best as a try to communicate. And in a communication there is no ”battle” and no ”winner” and no ”loser”.

But after the rush the outcome seems like an anticlimax. For once Trump didn’t treated an European leader disrespectful face to face and he didn’t talk shit behind the back of the other.

But were they able to communicate? Did they ever bothered to try? If it only ended in a grandstanding from the both, well! Putin is always Putin. And Trump is Trump.

Qute of Trump speech: “I’m here today to continue the proud tradition of bold American diplomacy. From the earliest days of our republic, American leaders have understood that diplomacy and engagement is preferable to conflict and hostility.”

😀   😀

(He has such humour, that guy!) But now the big question is: did Trump say ”wouldn’t” or ”would” on the press conference.

Now the ball can be round in US too

In Swedish media it claims Putin and Trump like each other. That is strange to me – too! Does fire like water? Does the grizzly likes the scorpion?

For me who lives in Sweden close neighbor to Finland, I noticed that Putin ended his speech with to apologize to the Finnish people for “some inconvenience ” having Russia at the other border. It’s must be such a euphemism for the Finns (who always stands with both feet deep in the historical ground), although that Putin apologies for anything at all is remarkable! I hope it will in reality mean more than polite words between the two tensed neighbors.

Quote from the ending of Putin’s speech: “And in conclusion, I want to point out that this atmosphere of cooperation is something that we are especially grateful for to our Finnish hosts. We are grateful for Finnish people and Finnish leadership for what they’ve done. I know that we have caused some inconvenience to Finland and we apologize for it.”

😀   😦  😀

Transcript: Trump And Putin’s Joint Press Conference

http://www.npr.org/2018/07/16/629462401/transcript-president-trump-and-russian-president-putins-joint-press-conference?t=1531912884707

Quote Trump answering reporter: “My people came to me, Dan Coates, came to me and some others they said they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin. He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be. But I really do want to see the server but I have, I have confidence in both parties.”

 

“Would” and not”wouldn’t”!

 

 

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Manifestation at noon today in Stockholm

Today at noon there is a manifestation at the Ambessay of China in Stockholm. One of the speaker is Jojje Olsson. He’s an expert on China conditions and he’s the object for harassment and slander from Chinese authorities.

The manifestation is for Gui Minhai, kidnapped and today jailed for 1000 days. Jojje Olsson has a blogg, as informed from wordpress. But it is impossible to get to it on the address given in media. WordPress stopped me, and my web readers didn’t allow me.

It’s shocking. But I value my blog so much, I don’t dare to write more! But this address  to Jojje Olsson’s blog works  – for now…

http://inbeijing.se/bulletin/joe-olsson/

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Donald met Donald (cry to me)

Donald and Melania arrives to NATO Summit in Brussel July 10, 2018

Donald to meet Donald

“America, appreciate your allies – after all, you don’t have that many”

Donad Tusk

 

Trump and Stoltenberg breakfast meeting NATO July 2018

 

 

Donald wants to set the table

 


———————————————————————————————————-

The German football coach during the 50’s and early 60’s, Sepp Herberger, once said
“Der Ball ist rund und das Spiel dauert 90 Minuten…” “The ball is round, the game lasts 90 minutes. Everything else is pure theory.
———————————————————————————————————

American football

 

 

 

 

 

———————————————————————————————————-

Queen Elizabeth II in Sweden 1956

 

 


(Solomon Burke Cry to me)

When your baby leaves you all alone
And nobody call you on the phone
Doncha feel like crying
Doncha feel like crying
Well, here I am, my honey c’mon baby, cry to me

 

———————————————————————————————-

 

———————————————————————————————————-

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While the bear is cooling off

As long as the World Cup competition in soccer in Russia lasts, Putin is cooling off. The competitionen will unfortunately end coming weekend. And then after, it’s said Trump and Putin will meet.

But right now 11 to 12 July the NATO meeting is ongoing and Trump started up aggressvisily explaining that Germany is Russia’s hostage, that USA pays too much in everything, “whatever” and ending making a smoothie of all the different budget posts…

Thinking of Trump will meet Putin, the European leaders tries to handle his rage with the diplomat gloves on.

According to the Swedish newspaper Dagens Nyheter, NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg also prefers to comment on Trump’s aggressiveness diplomatically. But to the same news magazine, the tone is more frank from Stockholm.

In Stockholm, research director Robert Dalsjö at Försvarets Forskningsanstalt FOI (= the Total Defense Research Institute), is more clear about the difference between Donald Trump’s rhetoric and reality of NATO.

Although it is a mad captain on the bridge, so is working in the engine room and the kitchen on board in accordance with established plans. But if the skipper is thinking about putting the ship on ground, that we don’t know. These processes are ongoing in parallel, so he explains.

The same newspaper writes in the same article about research director Robert Dalsjö:

Dalsjö is one of the authors of a study that earlier this year showed that NATO today can not defend its Baltic members against a sudden Russian storm attack. Russia is by far NATO when it comes to quantity, quality and speed in its vicinity. In two days they would reach Latvia’s capital Riga, was the FOI conclusion.

(quoted and translated from DN July 11, 2018)

Ukraine and the Crimea are so to speak in a different direction from the Baltic countries. And Russia has hardly any economic or military interests in the Baltic states reaching for the Nordic countries and Sweden. (Whatever the Swedish parties shouts to the Swedish people, now ahead of the forthcoming election in September 2018.)

If there is a threat from the Russian Bear, there could be that in all these countries, generations of Russian populations, who are discriminated and lack civic rights, like citizenship, like to use their russian language in public, like to vote in public elections, and like to be able to seek state jobs. They are treated as bad as the gypsies are in those countries, gets no respect from common people.

To compare with Sweden: when a prominent politician for Sweden’s largest racist party recently declared that Sami and Jews are not real Swedes, it became a scandal in the media and among people in the whole country, discussing if this person really should belong as an important member of the Swedish parliament.

But discrimination in the Baltics countries of Russians in the same way is okay among people there?

Then, to shout for NATO protection, what about that! How about to review and change their own attitudes and way to treat groups in the own country?

In Sweden, this conditions are never mentioned about our nearest neighbors. But our politicians in debates complains about migrants from Africa and beggars from Romania! What about that!

This, while every summer for years and years, criminals from East Europe comes to our country and attacks isolated living farmer couples, rob them and brutally murdering them with horrible torture methods. Every summer, the same! Likewise, we have every summer gangster gangs from Ireland who’s threatens defenceless old people to allow them to “renovate” their houses, asphalting their garden paths and roofing for staggering costs. It all reported and viewed as isolated events. The one summer after the other.

And of course they don’t have the skill of the craftsmanship!

Neither have nowadays our working politicians.

So what do we do, we ordinary people? Walk with Voltaire and do our own garden?

Whatever that means?

 

 

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And I miss talking to you

 

 

 

 

And I miss talking to you, see your smile that comes
instantly when you look at me, because it’s me. And
I miss sense the heat from your living body, moving
around in my rooms. And I miss your breaths blends
with mine as we talks. I miss all what’s you. I miss it
all, even though you’ve never been in my life on real.
You’re just a face on my laptop screen, which breaks
into an instant smile when you get your eyes on me:
I’m special to you. And very now I miss chat with you.

 

 

 

Posted in dreamers, loneliness, longing, love poem, love story, online romance, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Philosophizes about my (lack of a) love life

I plugged in the wrong end of a cord into my laptop and
the electrical system collapsed instantly. Now I sit here
without computer and energy, without passion and power
and without contact with anyone and I wonder if you really
sit at an internet cafe, watching the World Cup in football
on a big screen TV as you said before my laptop died? Or
if you’re fucking any nice looking girl with young thighs in
your close neighborhood? Yes, now and here and in this
moment? It all, as I know well I’m an aged and mellow lady
and an uncertain investment for an abstract future that may
never be true, love is one thing and the other “only needs”,
as you like to call it! I really wouldn’t have got this thought
about you, if I not had got this sudden thought for myself:
if I should’nt consider get a lover in this present, here and
meanwhile, while I’m still alive. As time goes by and in my
age you can die tomorrow, with or without connectivity to
life and love, you’re like a fantasy in the heat wave of July .

 

Wiyaala shows her bikini body

 

 

Posted in Africa, aging, Attraction, become old, body image, borders, loneliness, online romance, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships, romance, sexuality, summer poem, summertime | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Now we got July

Höhässjning i Gissle i juli 1963. Fr.v. Jenny Månsson och Annie Månsson. De hässjar höet på rundhässjor. De är bättre när det regnar mycket. Modellen skall ursprungligen har kommit från Strömma i Sätila. Fotograf Dagny Bengtsson. Björketorps sockens hembygdsförening. bygdeband.se

The summer heat holds you by the throat
and presses you against its white endless
walls. The days floats away unwritten and
at night you are kept awake worried in your
bed’s twisted, sweaty sheets. So my friend,
now we got July! You are safely lulled and
wrapped into these floating summer days,
as if they forever will be. And winter cold is
just like a story told, no one to believe. I’ll
tell you how the story went: he vanished in
silence just like a dreamy and yet vaporized
snowflake somewhere over the vast sea –
that I never got to see. He may become to
a pale memory of what could have been.
What’s left is only a wonder as winter feed.

 

 

 

 

My son leaves my home on June 30, to hike the last vacation week back home to work in Stockholm

 

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Solitaire matters

 

 

 

 

Well, you say we have love but from what
I see, you have your friends and I have yet
another round of solitaire and my constant
bad and hurting hip. But I don’t have you.

You tell me calmly you’ll love me no matter.
But I see I have my desires and despair all
for you, while you have taken your desires
elsewhere and whatever I have, it’s not you.

Come clean you told me I should be more
patient and forgetful and I said to be patient
and forgetful is just what I am not. And I still
play solitaire and you do whatever you do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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No stars

We still know each other
but there are no longer any
stars on the sky between us
and I stare into a darkness.
Are you there? Still? For me?

Vi känner fortfarande varandra
men det finns inte längre några
stjärnor på himlen mellan oss
och jag stirrar in i ett mörker.
Finns du där? Ännu? För mig?

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An eloquent man

He once began as an eloquent young man with very little to say. What people liked then and still like with his novels is hard to say. But even if his admirers normally are no bookworms, they seems able to chew his thick books from cover to cover. Maybe people (men in the same age as he!) see themselves in his prolonged outsider position and in his wordy and unstructured novels? My impression is that he writes thick books all about himself and everything small he doesn’t like? Is it so? I actually don’t know if so is. He’s one (of many others famous writers) I’ve never succeeded to read all trough. (Do I try? Yes, one and again!) But having read his novels or not, every (native) person in our common little country knows who he is, as he is also a successful poet and a songwriting rock legend.

He has his fans, that sort of people who choose to worship a specific artist and do it for decades and ages with him and strongly feel the absolute need to visit his concerts whenever he’s on tour. Every artist likes to be appreciated and wants to earn money from their hard work, but for pop and rock artists there is an obvious risk some in their audience can go over the edge in their admiration. He has said once about this phenomena: “I think that’s very scary. We have a relationship, yes – but for me it is divided by a stage edge.” Private, he’s a loner and fears mingling and he doesn’t say much but say uncensored what he thinks and once with an ironic glint of a smile in his eye he called himself “a social disaster”.

I can’t quite remember how and why he first came into my mind some weeks ago. But he did and he stayed. I guess it can be I’m a native Swede and we now live “the Swedish summer”. It’s wonderful, sure – but it’s never easy. A Swedish summer is much more than “a summer” – i.e. for us native Swedes. The summer here fills our chests with romantic bursting dreams of life and love and freedom. It’s something urgently forcing with these longing dreamy undertones whistling in our hearts – and this writer has forever become a part of these undertones through his writing and songs. Like a bumblebee, he’s buzzing from the bottom of our frozen souls and testifies there’s honey there, us to benefit.

Decades has passed since his successful novel debut. Yet he seems to be the same guy as ever and all what has changed is that he has become old and wrinkled and grey. And more male grumpy than before. Though these experiences of aging are (of course) all thoroughly told, latest in another many pages book with diary reflections. This latest book finally giving him praise even from literate females. (He has (had?) a bad habit to rude criticize well-known women being writers and journalists in his novels. As he has named them, it has often give him hate in return from (especially feminist) women in different tabloids. But what else could he expect?)

No editor at the publisher house seems to be allowed to edit his verbose prose works. That’s odd, really. It seems to me it’s in his poetry and lyrics he succeeds to find his stringency and precision, making good literature. As it’s not easy, he’s worth all the credit given for it. And despite his ambiguous attitude towards women (?), he is above all a poet writing love songs – praises The Woman and finding freedom in nature, especially the sea. And he also clearly distancing himself from society as it is governed today. It’s finally his songs and poems that have made even his hardest critics to understand and admit he actually can write good poetry!

He’s a well-known writer in Scandinavia but few of his books are translated to other languages and those few which are, only into Danish, Finnish and Norwegian. Why? He’s not the only wordy writer in the world, hard to translate. Is this yet another negligent duty of his publisher?

42 years career behind him and he has gone from a young unkempt rebel with a constant hangover and never deserted dreams of fame, who faltered around in life with self-doubts, porn magazines, wine bottles and anxiety in some torn plastic grocery bag, to now being a grumpy old millionaire with a fat bank account, a Viagra recipe and a rich man’s country house not far from the sea – just like he wanted it to become. A success story and not a common guy, after all. He just looks like one.

No, he does not look like an intellectual or a rich man. But more like an aged truck driver, shabby and tired as caught in a snapshot when he slow and stiff leaves a road cafe after a short break during the ride, on his way home for a good shower and long sleep in a clean bed. The fact he with age has become a well-read and well-educated man he prefer not to show up, neither in speech nor in writing. Even so, he’s still that boy pointing the finger saying the emperor is naked, the tailors are scammers. And it’s hell wrong!

At 68, his girlfriends are still never older than 23 (or something) and they are all well shaped and good looking and having artistic dreams of a future fame between their thighs. (A famous old man with a bad reputation and a thick wallet is an accepted stepping stone for a smart young woman, or what? Young women should truly know better, because youth is no protection against acidic old wine.) Either way, the women come and go in his life, but still he is always alone in his nice and comfortable beach house, as ever before.

He’s a novelist, a poet, a songwriter and a touring rock star – and as if that would not be enough, at old age he has begun to paint. And he sell his paintings on exhibitions for staggering sums! Although some stuff seems to be painted by his pet chimpanzee (of what I can see from those shown on net images). Just terrible stuff! But he doesn’t care a shit what the critics writes about what he do. He earns a lot of money and he say he never care to read reviews.

Regardless highbrow critics, he is loved by his audience, the common people. To them he’s the average man, like themselves. And all the years in his past lost on addiction to alcohol and drugs would have put him on the street if he not had been carried by common people’s – his audience – devotion, and their money spent on consuming him, of course.

Not that he would ever admit such a connection, certainly not! He despise devoted admiration and if any fans shows any tendency to develop to groupies he just pause the singing during a performance and roughly ask them to “fuck off”, simply leave the concert. (Making a scandal in papers again!) Yes, but he’s loved anyway like this sort of unpolished men often becomes, no one really knows why! Maybe we confuse bad behavior with authenticity? Yes, I think he got an air of authenticity around his being! And I actually believe he is just that, an authentic human!

Grumpy and uncomfortable yet tied to his country, that’s him. (That’s a Swede!) But it’s not a new state of one man’s mind: the country has already a national poet who wrote about this (especially Swedish) discomfort:

Jag är en främling i detta land
men detta land är ingen främling i mig!
Jag är inte hemma i detta land
men detta land beter sig som hemma i mig!

I’m a stranger in this country
but this country is not a stranger in me!
I’m not at home in this country
but this country acts as it is at home in me!

(Gunnar Ekelöf 1907 – 1968, the first verse of a poem called Non Serviam in a collection with the same name, from 1945)

He’s a public person and everyone’s property. Yet he’s a shy and introvert man, living alone in the silence of the countryside afar! He’s nevertheless generous and pretty much friendly in talking about what’s private with journalists. All those countless interviews during the years! It’s all in the game of course, a need to earn his money as being both the product and the seller of his skill. He’s telling about the miserable limitations of a lonely life. Quite satisfied yet with his life.

He is still at age 68 an eloquent man with not much to say, but he writes it far and wide in his prose. In his songs and poetry he occasionally succeeds to do it very well. Catches the core of the Swedish soul.

Posted in create life, inspiring literature, inspiring music, inspiring songs, poems by vonnely, Sweden view, Swedish "culture", Swedish artists, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Anyway

 

Now the sun shines happy on a blue sky
and the heat in my body rises high.

But nobody loves me anyway!

At night, the summer fever makes me groan
in my single bed with sweaty sheets, all alone.

And nobody loves me anyway!

It’s my destiny to live without trust,
feeling all life gave me was a dry crust!

As nobody loves me in any way!

Everybody can feel lonely at times.
But me, poor soul, feel locked out all the time.

But somebody said he loves me anyway.

Posted in apart, fragile, loneliness, loners, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swedes, know your directions! Wake!

It’s June 6, Sweden’s National Day!

watchdog on a Swedish meadow

Öppna Landskap (Open landscapes) 
the song is written by Ulf Lundell,
Swedish writer, poet and rock artist

Posted in summertime, svenska kålrötter, Sweden view, Swedish "culture", Swedish artists, Swedish conditions | Tagged | Leave a comment

Bitterness

I woke up today with bitterness in my heart.
And I washed my hair and I had my coffee
and I read the news on the web and I edited
some writing. Now my hair has almost dried
and I have to decide what to do next, if not
for the rest of my life as my sad heart cries
for (end it with a knife straight in the pain!) 😦
so for the rest of the day. Take one moment
at a time, that’s all what you can and should
do when life turn you down, no glory given.

Posted in heartache, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Longing for the sea (längtan till havet)

terrace at Villa Angela, Taormina

I have lived at inlands my whole life.
Now with age it feels as if the inlands
choke me and I’m longing to the sea.
But I feel trapped in poverty and my
lack of health and supporting friends.
You’re always told that you should be
happy with what you have. But what
I have isn’t what I want. What I want
is to spend the rest my life close to an
ocean, viewing the endless waves.


Jag har bott i inlands i hela mitt liv.
Nu med åldern känns det som att
inlandet kväver mig och jag längtar
till havet. Men jag känner mig låst
av fattigdom och min brist på hälsa
och stödjande vänner. Man får då
alltid höra att man borde var nöjd
med vad man har. Men vad jag har
är inte vad jag vill ha. Vad jag vill är
att tillbringa resten av mitt liv nära
havet, betraktande oändliga vågor.

 

 

 

Posted in aging, dreaming, longing, nature, old age, Poem in Swedish, poem in Swedish and English, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, summertime | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Walk with me

Walk with me in your mind barefoot on the hard rocks along the shore one more day.

Posted in apart, dreamers, loners, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , | Leave a comment

I’m sorry

Was I stupid, or was it you who
misled me on purpose? No matters!
We have all our desires. And I don’t
want to blame any of us, but to say
“I’m sorry it became as it became”.
As these are the days we have.

Posted in dreaming, fooled, heartache, hope, inspiring music, loneliness, loss, love poem, love story, morality, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, reading life, romance, summer poem, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I miss smoking cigarettes

Photographer Bill Rauhauser, image1960s

I miss you!
But, oh well! I miss smoking
cigarettes too! I’ve been told
I have done well ending with
bad men as well as with
cigarettes. Oh well!
I haven’t smoked in 18 years.
I wonder if I still will miss you
18 years from now? Oh, well!
I’m happy if I’m still alive then!
The past is gone and a future
may not be for an old like me!
All there’s, is this day and this
moment now when I miss you.
(I miss smoking cigarettes too!)

 

 

 

Posted in aging, create life, love poem, memories, missing, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, romance | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Single “forever”

If you wonder if I miss you
the answer is simply “yes”.
All other answers are “no”.
If you can forget me: good!
If you can’t: just live with it.
And the same goes for me!

 

You said your love was forever and I was your moon,
and all you could think of was getting to see me soon,
and you gave so much light to my lonely life afar.
But time and life have shown me you’re a fraudulent star,
having your naughty secrets you never wanted to share,
The revealed thorns of your red roses I simply can’t bear.
To you my heart might be unpredictable and changeable,
but I’m a real woman and not a brainless vegetable,
and “soon” will be never and that’s my single “forever”.

 

 

Posted in afar, aging, armed loneliness, heartache, loneliness, loners, longing, loss, lost trust, love poem, love story, missing, morality, online romance, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Porn is not an issue, it’s just a “no”!

You have met a nice guy, finally. And he’s such an angel to you, nice and charming and respectful. Right?

I did too. He’s a believer he told me early on, and preach and pray every day and he teach children for a living. He love his sisters dearly (at least as long as they live conventionally and don’t get pregnant without being married).

I didn’t mind, I’m not religious, but I have my own moral standards coloring my everyday life. I’m a socialist, a vegetarian, a feminist and I’m always walking in comfortable footwear, never high heels. There are people looking askance and distancing on me because of that. It’s not nice and I would hate to do the same to others. So I could accept his lifestyle.

We truly live different lives and have certainly gone through crisis during the past years and now I thought (we both thought) we had passed all that. We’ve been close for almost three years and we have been talking about coming together as soon we got a chance with money and jobs and that sort of things.

I would never have believed when I woke up last Friday, the day would end with him telling me something that instantly would make me, with a simple button push, block him out of my life forever and without a word of goodbye.

When you meet someone, you ask things like “what food do you like” or “which is your favorite color”. You don’t ask how him how he cope with live in celibacy. So it may take years before you are told that he – who says that he loves you above all on earth and will do so forever and ever more –  is a persistent porn video viewer. No, I don’t refer to have occasionally of curiosity watched a nude movie in your lifetime, who hasn’t! No, it’s a constant habit he has and which he never told me about before. Three years of my life I gave to this guy. And it shows he’s a regular lifestyle porn consumer!

It was an instant and doubtless act, simple and clean, to delete him from my laptop and my life. It was firstly the next day I became sad. Now two days gone, I feel so soiled to have been involved with such a scum!

Many years ago he told me with such an emphasis he hates hypocrites so very much. I don’t like hypocrites either. But he never told me he was one of them.

 

Quote from Robert Weiss, Huffington Post “Is Porn Cheating” 06/07/2017

“Infidelity (cheating) is the breaking of trust that occurs when you deliberately keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.

Please notice that this definition does not talk about porn, webcams, sexting, social media, hookup apps, strip clubs, one-night stands, prostitutes, affairs, or any other sexual or romantic act. Instead, it focuses on what matters most in healthy relationships – emotional intimacy and trust. With infidelity, it’s not any specific sexual act that angers and hurts your betrayed partner the most, it’s the lying and the keeping of important secrets. After that, your significant other finds it hard to trust anything you say or do, and that is a painful realization for you both.”

Posted in cultures, heartache, loss, lost trust, morality, online romance, poems by vonnely, reading life, relationships, repression and borders, secret love, sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Old Woman Blues


It’s a sad thing to have become
an old woman, living alone with
a cat and a TV set, desperately
longing for a warm hand and a
little sympathy and someone to
talk to: easy victim of wreckers.

 

woman with a cat, Pablo Picasso 1900

Posted in aging, grief, loneliness, loners, longing, old age, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fleeing Dragonfly in May

dragonfly steel edblad sweden

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m standing now afterwards in front of my
mirror and admires my latest jewelry. It’s a
necklace in form of a dragonfly. This ancient
insect has existed 300 million years back in
time, but having a lifetime of only a few days.
Yet its shimmering and fragile beauty belongs
to eternity. It’s a keepsake I wanted to have.

But it was easy for me then, no hesitation at all.
After a long silence he said “goodnight”. I said
the same. I waited polite for the green light to
went out, then I deleted him from my chat list.
I removed his phone number on my cellphone.
The next day, before blocking him, I emailed
him: “About our last chat: I don’t want to have
any more contact with you, I’m sorry!” He can
do whatever he wants to do. But he can’t do it
and at the same have a relationship with me.
I left him faster than an elusive dragonfly.

 

reading more about dragonflies:

https://www.dragonfly-site.com/meaning-symbolize.html

 

Posted in inspiring images, nature, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moon Girl

Then one night the Moon Girl looked at her
crying face in the water and she told herself
“Girl, that man doesn’t make you happy”, but
the Water Girl had no ears, but simply tears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(the drawing by Federico Garcia Lorca)
Posted in heartache, inspiring images, loneliness, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The rose searched another thing

A poem by Federico Garcia Lorca 1898 – 1936
De la rosa / From the Rose

 

 

 

The rose
didn’t search the aurora:
almost eternal on its branch,
searched another thing.

The rose
didn’t search science or shadow:
confine of flesh and dream,
searched another thing.

The rose
didn’t search the rose:
immobile at the sky,
searched another thing.

 

 

 

 

La rosa
no buscaba la aurora:
casi eternal en su ramo,
buscaba otra cosa.

La rosa
no buscaba ni ciencio ni sombra:
confín de carne y sueño,
buscaba otra cosa.

La rosa
no buscaba la rosa:
inmóvil por el cielo,
buscaba otra cosa.

 

Posted in dreamers, inspiring literature, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, translations by vonnely | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

My lover is a fisherman

My lover is a fisherman and once he got me
on the hook with his glistening lure and now
he doesn’t want to let me go free. And even if
his trawler is gone far, the net tied behind is
firmly lashed. Since then I’m tied to him and
his net has become my jail and it has dragged
me deep down in the blues sea, as the pains
of the hook in my heart keeps me so low and
slow. But in salt sea water tears are not visible
and maidens’ weep sounds like alluring sirens
songs in the men’s world. And the destiny for
the caught maid is to stare at her mate’s back.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Africa, love poem, love story, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships, romance | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All that I have (yet another wonderful summer)


And yet another wonderful summer.
Biking to a lake, reading a book and
drink coffee from a thermos and eat
cinnamon buns, sticky in the heat –
and breadcrumbs and ants all over
the blanket. (To bike slowly home in
the afternoon sun, happy no matter
and then have dinner at the laptop.)
In bed late yet early dawn and try to
sleep and not to think and still do it:
One more wonderful summer and I’m
here and where are you and my life?

Posted in create life, dreamers, loneliness, loners, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, reading life, walk of life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The fragrances lingers


This last long cold winter never seemed to let go of its grip.
Then spring came rapidly and intense. On Wednesday last
week when I cycled downtown to the local library I could
see how all the spring flowers bloomed at the same time.
Well, spring use to be an intense season, but not as much
as this year. And strange we also got summer with a hefty
heat wave! Sun and a blue sky and the air was saturated
with pollen from all trees and shrubs! But I could see how
the lilacs tried to hold back a little more. Now Wednesday
a week later the same bike ride to return a short time loan.
It was the latest book by Le Carré. The conversations in it
must have been a “giggle party” for the translator, I read
in a review. Not for me! But I had read only half the book.
I looked in the mirror before I left home and this day I said
to myself, “well okay then, that’s aged look”. And all lilacs
bloomed and filled the air with alluring perfume fragrance.
I noted I didn’t care more for their beauty call or romantic
desires. But I’m happy I’m neither allergic nor immune to
the lilac scent. Lovely! That’s how it is, fragrances lingers!

Posted in books, fragrances, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, spring, summer poem, summertime | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A humble man with a heart

STILL LIFE 2013, Eddie Marsan as John May

It was a Monday in the beginning of April this year and I had an appointment with my dental hygienist the very same morning. It turned out to be a meeting including more than a cleaning of teeth, but resulting in an X-ray on one movable tooth. That inquired a dentist to join us in the room to decide about a treatment. She told me she would make an assessment for me. Because the X-ray showed I had an inflammation at the tooth root and therefore I must come back for remove the tooth and reconstruct my partial denture.There were no other options.

It meant it would not come cheap. So in a blink my summer plans for a trip abroad ran away easy like sand between fingers. The tax refund I receive every summer would this year go to dental care – and not one penny for tribute!

I knew even as the travel was off, I would get problems to pay the upcoming treatments. I knew too this kind of inflammation can’t be ignored but must be treated, not to put a serious danger to my body and health. I felt like crying biking home. But I didn’t. I knew I had to write my friend telling her I couldn’t see her as planned. But I didn’t. And I haven’t yet.

If you live as poor in a welfare society, you seemingly have a life equal to all others around. Especially in Sweden there, for example, dental care costs only one tenth of what it would cost in, for example, the United States. So it can take weeks or even years before you become brutally confronted with your true poverty (again). All the same, you will feel the same humiliation and shame over the shortcomings in your life conditions as if you were living in some terrible slum exposed to hard neediness every day. You will feel like crap, fact stripped naked: you are poor and lonely and you cannot even afford simple dental care.

So you get better close your mouth then!

If you feel alone in a welfare society, you share your vulnerability with many others. Many more than you ever can imagine, as though having friends and work and family bounds people can carry the burden of feeling alienated.

In my opinion, it’s simply a soul thing as I believe the human species are born with this talent to experience loneliness. As well as the talent to save body fat, the longing for togetherness and gather in groups is a tool for survival of our species. Back in the beginning of our time.

From my social and economic position, I despise such complaints about feeling alone. These people who have a good economy and family and friends have no idea what real loneliness is, that’s my emotional reaction. Of course I know I’m wrong! But sadly, no one is free from patronize others. Not me either.

So – in a modern society, loneliness is the most widespread of suffering. But sharing a sickness like that one will not make you feel better. Like wildlife animals in nature we hide our weaknesses.

In a modern society we mostly respect others freedom and avoid to violate their integrity. If your neighbor seems to loathe the company of others, we let him do so without interventions.

If you live poor in a welfare society and are old or unemployed, you will probably be living alone too and if one day, while sitting in your chair at home your heart would stop, no one would know.

In a modern society you can live a whole life without meeting anyone else but a neighbor at the stairs or a cashier at the supermarket there you buy your daily bread. You say “thank you” or ‘”good morning”, and that’s all to it and it’s perfectly alright. No saber toothed tiger will hunt you for dinner because of your for a moment exposed unprotected position.

If you live alone in a welfare society without any social contacts – whatever might be – you will die as alone as you have lived and may lie dead in your apartment during a long time. Your flat becomes your grave. Because if you in that situation have had any kind of pension or income and have arranged with your bank that rent, electricity and other fixed fees being paid by direct debit, it may take many years before your remnants are discovered.

The neighbors might complain about the smell from your apartment and complain to the landlord. The landlord – or debt collectors – will with police assistance break into your home.

Joyce Carol Vincent

This was the story of Joyce Carol Vincent, who lay dead in her bedsit in a rental London apartment for three years with the television still playing and the window ajar. She died alone in December 2003 and was discovered firstly in 2006 as representatives of the landlord forced themselves into her home. This, because her rents was only partly paid and over time had raised a debt for about $ 2400 (or something like that, I don’t remember).

As she hadn’t respond to reminding letters, the landlord now claimed back the apartment. And that’s how her remains were found. It was not much left of her body – this once so beautiful woman who died at the young age 38 – so it was not possible to state cause of death.

Uncomfortable with such a sad thing can happen to someone, the film producer Carol Morley made a documentary about Joyce’s life. It’s called “Dreams of a life” (2011). I have not seen this documentary – yet.

But I came to know about this documentary because it was mentioned in a review I read about another movie, “Still Life” by Uberto Pasolino. I watched this movie the same evening I had been to the dentist, that day when my mood went underground for long time.

Such a day you would might need a “feel good movie”, like for example “Sleepless in Seattle” or “Love actually” or “Amélie” or “Singing in the rain” – or whatever you can think of… this, to cure your low mood? But I choose to watch “Still life”! Maybe I’m crazy, but the following weeks I watched it over and again. And the other night it was on TV again and I watched it once again – for the fifth time now!

Uberto Pasolini Still Life in Venice

It’s a slow movie and very touching which require a lot of the viewer. But it’s perfectly made in all its details. I love for that guy who made it, the film director Uberto for Pasolini!

It’s a story about the lonely Mr. John May being sacked from his job as a lower social servant. Mr. May is a man who has dedicated his life to give people who dies alone a dignified end by trying to find relatives to the diseased, going through remaining belongings, arranging appropriate funerals, writing a speech for the priest to read – and often to be the only present guest at the funeral. And then last closing the actual act and place the folder in the archive for finished cases.

As said I have watched the movie several times and I have furthermore read reviews and interviews and listening to soundtrack on Youtube videos and searched images. That was the easy part, to be enchanted by this movie. But it  has been very difficult to write an entry about it. It has taken me almost a month!

It did not make me happier to watch this movie but it has a catharsis effect, that kind that’ll get you in balance. This good pleasing effect vanished a bit when I began to read reviews of the movie in papers online. Actually some critics reminded me of Mr. May’s callous boss Mr. Pratchett, as complaining over the telling style “challenges the tear duct” and the tempo and the choice of topic! Mr. May, namely. Loners are stigmatized even as fiction characters!

The final scenes with a supernatural theme also make some critics irritated and distanced them to the film. I have no believes in such but I think in this context it has a function. It’s a picturing recalling to earlier scenes in the movie showing Mr. Mays highly private hobby to save the images of his former clients in an album at home. He has showed them respect and kept them  – and in the final scene they honor him for it: even a lowly and anonymous life is meaningful and deserves respect. It’s tragic people patronize lonely people’s lives, and so do film critics – even over a fictional character as in this brave movie, example:

May, who spends Still Life as a quiet acquaintance of the dead, never had any real friends; he was a hero only by being a ghost in his own life story.

I will pee on your car, Mister who wrote that!

Well, it is a very touching and intimate story, that’s clear. Nothing for those who flees in high speed from that little life that strongly affects the embarrassing stuff we hide from others eyes. The vulnerable, you know!

The title “Still life” is a poetic playing with different possible meanings. That is more useful to do in Swedish as being more ambiguous, having about half the number of words against the English language. It’s nice to see this is possible in English too!

And the film is full of such intricate details. In his work Mr. May meet the young nonchalant morgue servant spending time on crosswords. The young guy asks Mr. May about tricky ones to solve and Mr. May have the answers, no pondering. The young man tell him  “your wasted here”, “mastermind”… “Flightless birds, four letters?” “Dodo”, Mr. May tell without any hesitation.

Dodo is an extinct bird who could not fly. How did he know? Mr. May was truly a mastermind. Still there were no books in his home, except for his photo album.

The movie is from 2013 and made by the Italian film director Uberto Pasolini. Eddie Marsan makes a fantastic interpretation of the character John May. Soundtrack: Nathalie Portman. Director of photography: Stefano Falivene.

If you want to read more about this subject:
https://theartsdesk.com/film/still-life

And I recommend the interview by Jakub Michalik in this blog entry: Pasolini tells about what inspired him to do this film:

http://fipresciwarsawproject.blogspot.se/2013/10/for-me-this-is-about-life-not-death.html

Jakub Michalik ending question in the interview: Would you say it’s a movie about something that is motionless, dead and still or about something that still exists and does not end with death?

Pasolini answers (it’s an answer too long to quote, I know – but I do it anyway, sorry):

You can read it in different ways. For me this is about life, not death – about the need to engage with other people and to remain alive by engaging with other people’s lives. It’s about recognizing other people’s lives, which is what the central character does. What he wants to do, when he collects those little things in people’s apartments and writes the eulogies, is reminding the world, which is not listening, that this person had a life which has to be recognized before it’s forgotten forever. One of the things that is really important is that he is not a sad character. He’s a bit different from us, we might wish that his life was more complex, we like the idea that his life is opening out. There is a change in him and he appreciates that but he’s not sad about his old loneliness, he doesn’t feel lonely – he’s solitary, but not lonely. It was very important that the audience didn’t feel pity for him. We shouldn’t judge it on our notion of a successful life and in the same way we shouldn’t judge the life of his neighbor. He did end his life sadly, but he had also lived a life, he had children, he had love affairs, he saved somebody from dying in a war, he was a good friend. Recognize other people’s lives and don’t judge them too much. They’re still lives. They’re as good as yours.

STILL LIFE, director Uberto Pasolini (center), cinematographer Stefano Falivene (far right), 2013

Posted in inspiring movies, loneliness, loners, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A future that’s not!

I’ve grown old thinking about renting a flat in a
high-rise house. There’s one available now on
third floor with balcony to west with a view over
a bakery roof and with a window to north with
big green plastic dumpsters comfortable below.
The house has an elevator and it’s my primary
desire at this time in my life as my feet and hips
are worn out and hurts me daily. There are no
green areas for hiking around and I don’t need
it anymore, but a bus stop and a grocery store
with a post office just across the street and that
will suits me fine: it’s perfect for an aged person
like me! (And I just hate it all!) Maybe I should
wait just a while, not limp too fast into things?
There’s another building not far away that might
suits me even better later on as the ground floor
holds both a restaurant and funeral office and
what more can an oldie wish? I could just take
the elevator down and then choose left or right,
depending on the state of my body! I should be
happy and not grumpy! But a future that’s not?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in living with chronic diseases, Living with chronic pains, old age, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

That old song

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have loved that old song “Missing you”
too long and too much and then you got so
much of it you just had to get it out of your
system as it became unhealthy for you. And
now you have peace resting in lay-land! Well,
you still think of him sometimes and you get
a little of guilt as he may suffer not keeping in
touch. Yet you know you’re better off without
that mess! But in the empty landscape that is
your soul now, you miss to have someone to
miss! It seems we humans must have love and
emotions in our lives and one who asks for us
and cares. It’s like vitamins for the human soul.

 

 

 

website: sandydenny.co.uk

Posted in create life, inspiring music, love poem, missing, past, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships, romance, with or without you | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The lure is the same

 

 

 

 

 

It may be a strange thing to live daily within another language as I do. I mostly even think in English and not in my native language, Swedish. So I feel comfortable and homey with it. Within the limited vocabulary that I have, I have extended the limitations of my actual life and become a writer in English. So sudden I read a poem by an American poet – and well, yes! Certainly I understand single words in the text. But I don’t understand a word of the whole context! No! Shock!

Sandra Alcosser

It is a poem by the American poet Sandra Alcosser that I stumbled over during my daily walks at the cyberspace, searching for this and that. The poem is named A FISH TO FEED ALL HUNGER and the first verse is:

On the porch like night peelings,
bags of red hackles.
The fisherman is dressing,
capes of moose mane around him.
In his vise, he wraps the waist
of a minnow with chenille.

 

Now let’s see!

“Night peelings”. It’s a kind of night cream some women put on their face in evening to exfoliate their face skin. The poem talks about a man dressing. It’s not him associating to nigh care cream looking at bags of red hackles, surely. But it’s him dealing with bags of hackles. That’s hooks for fly fishing.

(I’m not familiar of the two uses. And “bag” in Swedish only means a bigger sack, so it’s a lot of rooster feathers on that porch.)

dry fishing fly

I think it’s in the morning. It’s a women telling the story. And she exfoliate her skin so much she could have bags of it!

It’s crazy! I’m puzzled. Well, I could have looked on a photo that  illustrated the poem, but I never did. I went straight to the glossaries online. Two days and one night I’ve spent on this mysterious poem! When a simple image could have explained it all to me!

But I went on, following the lines word by word:

He’s dressed in capes of moose mane and she’s still in her nightgown of chenille. So it is in morning, surely.

Chenille is only fabric for nightgowns in my world, namely. And what about the man and his dressing?

I don’t know why he wear so many cloaks of moose mane as it swirls around him? It must be some masculinity mystery? He wraps her minor fish waist. I don’t know why he do that, maybe it’s a hug as he leaving?

She has become small and slim on her fishtail with all that night peelings!

Yes, I think the woman is a mermaid! The fisherman is her big catch, her lover. It’s morning and he’s leaving for a fishing tour. That is the story the poem tells us!

The three following verses tells me I got it all wrong. Except that about a fishing tour. I believe now it’s about a girl child following a fisherman on a fishing trip!

We wade downstream. I am barefoot.
The fisherman stands, thigh deep,
seining insects. Perhaps today
in this blizzard of cottonwood
it is the caddis that rises,
after a year in mud, from larva
to phoenix in four seconds.

The fisherman ties an imitator
of hare’s mask and mallard breast.
He washes his hands in anisette,
then casts back, a false cast,
watching the insects legs
break the water.

I line the creel with hay and mint
and lay in six pale trout. There is a pink
line that runs the length of a rainbow’s
belly more delicate than an inner ear.
It makes the whole basket quiver.

The verses tells about nature around the two, about fish food and the fishing doings. They’re out to catch rainbow trout. They don’t talk as they have such kind of silent fellowship nature people can have.

Then come the final verse. I must say, if it is a girl child, she’s certainly precocious! But I change my opinion again and it’s not a child. I think it is actually a mermaid after all.

In spite I haven’t understood what I have read and got the most wrong, I got something right! It oozes sexuality in this poem.

The fisherman does not ask why I come.
I have neither rod nor permit.
But I see him watch me afternoons as I bend
to brush down my rooster-colored hair.
He understands a fish to feed all hunger.
And the lure is the same.

rooster red hair

And now I also understand why Muslim societies terrified covers women’s hair and necks.

Before I could picture fly fishing in my mind: a guy standing in water with rod. Now, after two days and one night with this poem, I know a lot more about fly fishing. But I’m still a vegetarian and will still remain so. (Put such hooks in the flesh of creature who can experience pain, never!)

Oh, I should have study the illustrating photo, but on the other hand I can now read and understand the context in this poem. But I still not understand that first metaphor. With luck, the future will educate me more.

I found the poem on this link: http://bigskyjournal.com/back-40-fish-feed-hunger/

 

fishing lures

moose mane

Mount the hook in the vise, attach the thread and wrap the entire shank of the hook to the bend.

 

 

Posted in Attraction, inspiring literature, nature, poems, poems by vonnely, reading, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An actual description

“Keep smiling” is the worst advice and pressure people can ever put on themselves and others. It should belong to “the human rights” to be able to talk about melancholy moods without getting moralizing from someone, and not least from yourself.  Equality for all emotions, no matter what kind!

 

What’s the point of having eyes when
all they see is darkness? All troubles
hold me by my throat and love is still
far. My daily bread is a chewing of all
the sad experiences from a hard past.
I have lost my teeth, because the luck
never seems to walk my track. I have
tried so hard to keep my mood up but
the harder I tried, the weaker and more
tensed I have become. Maybe it will be
some kind of a new dawn, waking up
on gravel beach, given no explanations.
And just take it from there. But right now
I’m just in a dead end without any light.
It’s just an actual description of how it is.

 

 

 

 

Posted in darkness, fatigue, fragile, lost, obstacles, poem, poems by vonnely, Poetry, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A single bird sings

A poem by Federico Garcia Lorca
Spanish poet and dramatist (1898 – 1936)

Un pájaro sólo
cantar.
Oímos por espejos.

En allena fågel
sjunger.
Vi hör medelst speglar.

A single bird
sings.
We hear through mirrors.

 

 

 

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You are allowed to be happy

I tell myself:

 

“You are allowed to be happy now, even if
you still mourn what you once never had.

The sun rarely shone on you and darkness
linger deep in your sad eyes and heart, yet
you are now one moon shining for the one.”

I try to focus of what I have, but it’s so hard.

Posted in create life, fragile, grief, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, relationships | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dark chocolate, love’s bitter taste

I miss talking to you. But I don’t know if it is more
than that anymore. Maybe I just miss someone to
talk to? Or maybe I’m in “a phase”, low and tired?
But I think you feel sad and worried, but holds it all
hidden in your heart only for your lonely nights with
lights off. Then you think of me and I tastes in your
heart and mouth like very dark and bitter chocolate.

Posted in dreamers, loneliness, love poem, poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, romance, sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rotten eggs (the cracking of a Culture Elite)

Rotten Row Hyde Park 1902

From the nicest chambers came odors
as of rotten eggs from a window forgotten
ajar. Then surprisingly a compost bag was
thrown out and exposed to street people,
but only for scandalous purposes. And so,
sudden all windows wide open, disclosing
what “everyone” knew or assumed: that
Culture Elites are the lowest of the lowest.
They’re flourishing abysses of jealousy and
slander, of delusions and dirt throwing and
all sorts of disgusting intrigues and snotty
arrogance. Next? Doors and windows will
become closed in embarrassed shame, so
what’s rotten will rot away to be peacefully
forgotten and hidden and made invisibly as
if there is never dirt. In certain circles.

 

 

Från de fina salongerna kom dofter
som av ruttna ägg. Det var ett fönster
på glänt; så en kompostpåse utslängd
till gatans folk för skandalösa syften.
Så, alla fönster med ens på vid gavel,
avslöjande vad alla redan visste eller
anade: kulturens elit är den lägsta av
alla avgrunder. Där frodas avundsjuka
och svartsjuka, förtal och smutskastning
och snorkig överlägsenhet och alla slag
av vidriga intriger. Så, vad blir? Dörrar
och fönster stängs i generad skam, så att
det som ruttnar ska få ruttna i stilla frid
och med tiden bli glömt och gömt och
osynliggjort. Som om smuts aldrig finns.
I vissa kretsar.

 

(this time I wrote in Swedish and translated to English)
Posted in poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, reading, svenska kålrötter, Sweden view, Swedish "culture", Swedish artists, Swedish conditions, Swedish poem to English, web papers, writing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swedish to English, “knytblus” – “pussy-bow blouse”

René Boivin 1940 Agnès (Millinery) 1940 Chameleon Brooch Bracelet Vintage advert Jewelry photography by André Durst

 

 

 

 

I wrote on Friday about the Swedish Academy scandal and about how (many) women (and men) in Sweden on Friday 13 wore a “knytblus” to show their sympathy for Sara Danius, the newly kicked director for the Swedish Academy. I translated “knytblus” to “neck-tie blouse”. But today reading an article in New York Times I learn the right word is “pussy-bow blouse”. I would never have guessed!! 😀 😀

http://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/13/style/knytblus-bow-blouses-sweden.html

I want  to correct an information in the same text in this paper: it mention the suicide of the former director for a Stockholm theater: “The prominent theater director Benny Fredriksson resigned from his post last year after he was accused of enabling a culture of sexual abuse. Last month, Mr. Fredriksson commited suicide .” 

This is a very tragic story! The scandal around Mr. Fredriksson just appeared at the same time as the mee-too movement was most on the agenda in the Swedish newspapers. But a thorough investigation has free him from all suspicions in that direction. Mr. Fredriksson had nothing to do with such, but he was criticized for his undemocratic and harsch leadership. This should be noted for his sake and his posthumous reputation. RIP

 

stylepantry.com/2011/10/24/
Boyfriend Blazer + Pussy Bow Denim Shirt + Boyfriend Jeans

 

This could be my favorite style! Except for the earrings, the shoes and that bag! It’s not my kind of accessories, really. But I’m not young, black and beautiful either. 😀

Posted in poems by vonnely, reading, Sweden view, Swedish "culture", Swedish conditions, web papers | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

On Friday 13, the last pig goes to slaughter

Today, it is neck tie blouse day in Sweden, for Ministers as well as common people in support for Sara Danius, yesterday kicked head leader  for the Swedish Academy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left: “Den sista grisen” (The last pig), the book cover of Horace Engdahl’s latest book. Engdahl is also a member of the Swedish Academy and he more than the other “old men” in the Academy, aggressively used scandalous methods to kick out Sara Danius from her leadership and “chair”.

Danius created a habit to wear a neck tie blouse on the Academy meetings  – as a gimmick and an ironic blink. “The old guard”  hated her for her style and in the last act of the drama on Thursday 12 March, 2018 they made her pay for her way. But sometimes the winners are the losers. #knytblus  (knytblus=neck tie blouse) is the new movement in Sweden!

The last male pig goes to slaughter… 🙂

Read more: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/12/world/europe/sara-danius-swedish-nobel-scandal.html

It certainly is the neck tie blouse day today for common people in Sweden as well as for “celebrities” and politicians. Below a few of all supporters for Sara Danius:






 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AddingApril 14: Quote from an article in the tabloid “Expressen” April 14 by the Swedish writer Jonas Gardell, commenting the Swedish Academy scandal: It is a rare view to see so many aged men standing there with so much butt exposed.

http://www.expressen.se/kultur/jonas-gardell/horace-har-vunnit-slaget-men-han-forlorar-kriget/

Posted in Poetry, Sweden view, Swedish "culture", Swedish conditions, web papers, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I met you in my dream / Jag mötte dig i min dröm

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met you in my dream and we walked hand
in hand on a beach below a city I have never
seen and you told me “I will never forget you”
and I woke up all the gloomy winter mornings
alone and far from you. Sometimes we talked
on the phone and you said with your French
accent “I will never forget you” and you made
me live in a dream, hand in hand with you on
a beach far away, where I have never been.

 

 

 

Jag mötte dig i min dröm, vi gick hand
i hand på en strand nedom en stad som
jag aldrig har sett och du sa till mig “Jag
kommer aldrig att glömma dig” och jag
vaknade alla dunkla vintermorgnar, ensam
och långt från dig. Vi talade i telefon ibland
och du sa till mig med din franska brytning
“Jag ska aldrig glömma dig” och du fick mig
att leva i en dröm, hand i hand med dig på
en strand långt bort, där jag aldrig har varit.

Posted in afar, Attraction, create life, dreamers, dreaming, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, romance | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Winter Street

 

The scientists believe nowadays, there are two
trillions galaxies “out there”. Our “own” galaxy
is named The Milky Way in several languages,
even in Arabic, though it comes from a pagan
Greek myth. In Finnish it’s imaginatively called
The Bird’s Track (Linnunrata). But in Swedish
it’s simply and soberly called The Winter Street.
Wandering, I still think of you at times. You, who
walks the streets where there’s attendance and
warmth, like milk seeping from a cow’s teats. But
I’m far in the North and I walk on a winter street
there all is distance and it is sparsely between all.
We cannot touch in this now. But you may have
faith and patience to wait for a summer to come.
I’m too numb and cold to plead for it. No trillions
of galaxies can give a thrill to a distant heart here!
Yet, your heart is a bird and its track leads to me.

Posted in afar, dreamers, loneliness, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry, Winter heart | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hesitating spring

 

 

 

 

 

Finally winter leaves, spring is coming.
It is all so hesitant and with no desires.
Far or near, you are free to go if that is
what you want to do. But I’d prefer you
to stay with me. For you, it’s not about
choosing. Though, at this time of year
no one remember a past summer and
its butterflies who fluttered, then died.

Posted in longing, love poem, poems, poems by vonnely, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Before is no more (Förr finns inte längre)

Translation to English after the Swedish text

Lill Babs, Barbro Svensson 1938 – 2018

När det igår tisdag rapporterades i media att Lill Babs dött på förmiddagen samma dag, insåg jag för första gången på allvar att Wasa Knäckebröd inte är svenskt längre. Samt att mina dagar (också) är räknade. Tiden har sprungit förbi mig. Det är för jävligt. Jag dricker pepparmintthe idag och försöker komma över det.

Jo, man är ju i den åldern (jag blir 69 år nu i april) då människor och fenomen som alltid funnits där i ens samtid ”går ur tiden” som det så vackert heter. Jerry Williams i mars, nu Lill Babs.

Kanske är det fler än jag som blir förvånade över att faktiskt känna sorg över hennes bortgång? Något av oss själva har dött och finns inte mer! Kanske så?

Lill Babs Skansen 2016

Lill Babs är en institution i det svenska landskapet, alltid leende och positiv och en hårt arbetande artist, professionell till tusen – genom livets alla strider och kriser. De fanns ju där, striderna, i kulisserna: ensamstående mamma som 16-åring på 50-talet, senare äktenskapen och skilsmässorna, med tiden mamma till tre döttrar och turnélivet… Hon var fortfarande verksam som artist och skådespelare vid sin död!

Lill Babs och rågknäcke och Kalles Kaviar, det var vad jag växte upp med. Det bara fanns där – om jag ville ha det! Som granar och julafton och midsommar och bruna bönor med fläsk och ärtsoppa på torsdagen. Som marken under fötterna och himlen ovan huvudet.

Hennes sorts musik tillhörde inte min favoritmusik (i vuxen ålder), rågknäcke är ju himla gott men mina tarmar revolterar mot rågen (i vuxen ålder) – och kaviar är ju fisk, så det äter jag inte heller (i vuxen ålder). Likväl sitter det där: Lill Babs och knäckebröd och Kalles Kaviar, det är i den svenska folksjälen, så och i min.

New York börsen visade sig samma dag hon dog inte veta skillnaden på svenska flaggan och den schweiziska flaggan, det får man förlåta. Kanske får man också förlåta skrytmojen Zlatan, som tror att det var han och inte Björn Borg eller ABBA eller August Strindberg eller Alfred Nobel eller Svenska Akademin eller Selma Lagerlöf eller… ”you name it!” som satte ”Sverige” på kartan! Osvensk till tusen, man gillar honom eller inte – likt förbannat är han en del av nuvarande konceptet ”det svenska”. De ödmjuka – men likväl stora – artisterna finns inte mer. Och 50-talet är som en annan värld, borta.

Det supersvenska Kalles Kaviar är norskt numera! Jo, men det visste jag och det har jag smält – om det än givit mig IBS symtom, dock inte lika mycket som kinesiska rödmyror i svenska företag och högskolor.

Carl Ameln 1954

Vad jag inte visste var att den lille grabben Kalle på kaviartuberna fanns på riktigt! Carl Ameln, före detta företagare – som farsan hans en gång. Numera bliven 70 år och självlärd konstnär med en kommande utställning nu i april. Livet går vidare – ”ett ögonblick i sänder”! Fjärilar…

 

Before is no more

Lill Babs (Barbro Svensson 1955

When yesterday, Tuesday 3 March, media reported that the Swedish singer Lill Babs had died the same morning at age 80, I realized for the first time that the Swedish rye crispbread “Wasa Knäckebröd” is not Swedish anymore. And that my days also are counted. Time has flown past me. And it feels so bad! I drink peppermint tea today trying to get over it.

Yes, I’m at that age (I’ll be 69 years in April) when well-known and contemporary people and phenomena that have always been around me have “passed on” as it’s so nicely is called – Jerry Williams in March and now Lill Babs.

Maybe more people than me are surprised now to actually experience sadness about her passing away? Something of ourselves has died and is no more! Maybe so?

Lill Babs is an institution in the Swedish landscape, always smiling and positive minded she was and a very hardworking artist, 100% professional – through all the crises of life. They were such, crises and struggles – unmarried mom at age 16 in the 50s, and later marriages and divorces. With time she became mom to three girls – and she was always on tour – while “grandma” looked after the family. She was still active as an artist and actor at the time of her death.

Lill Babs and “Wasa Husman” and “Kalles Kaviar”, such I grew up with. It simply were there – if I wanted it! Like firs and Christmas Eve and Midsummer and dishes like brown beans with pork and pea soup on Thursdays. Like the ground under the feet and the sky above the head.

Well true, her kind of music is not my favorite music (as an adult), rye crisp bread taste good, but my intestines revolt against it (as an adult) – and caviar is fish, so I don’t eat that either (as an adult). Nevertheless: Lill Babs and rye crackers and “Kalles Kaviar”, it’s all in the special national Swedish soul, so in mine.

The New York Stock Market appeared the same day she died not know the difference between the Swedish flag and the Swiss flag. It can be forgiven! Small countries, you know! Perhaps one can also forgive the cocky Zlatan, who seems to thinks he was one who put “Sweden” on the world map, and not Björn Borg or ABBA or August Strindberg or Alfred Nobel or the Swedish Academy or Selma Lagerlöf or … “you name it!”  Un-swedish to the highest level can be, and one may like him or not – whatever, he is a part of the current concept of “the Swedish”. Those humble – but great – artists are no more. And the 50’s I grew up in is now like another ancient world, gone.

The super Swedish label “Kalles Kaviar” is Norwegian owned now! Yes, I already knew that and have melted – if so with some IBS problems, but not as much as from knowing about the Chinese red ants in Swedish companies and colleges!

What I didn’t know was that image of the little boy on the caviar tubes was from a photo of a real boy! Former entrepreneur – like his father once was, nowadays a 70 years old man and a self-taught artist with an upcoming exhibition now in April. Life goes on – a moment at a time! Butterflies, we are…

Swedish painter Carl Ameln

http://www.ameln.nu/

expressen.se/gt/kalles-kaviar-fyller-60–har-ar-hans-liv-i-bilder/

 

A tune by Quincy Jones, dedicated to Barbro. They were friends since decades back.

Posted in become old, create life, cultures, love story, memories, missing, Sweden view, Swedish artists, Swedish conditions, Swedish souls | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

An orderly reception, a proposal for how to seek asylum in Sweden

The government in Sweden today is led by the veteran Social Democratic Party (founded 1889) in a coalition with the minor Miljöpartiet (The Green)(founded 1981). This supporting party has been forced to refrain from many of its main issues, not least the ambitions for a liberal refugee policy. The relationship has suffocated the small environmental party and it’s expected not to pass the 4% barrier and get a seat in the parliament after the elections in September this year.

There seems to be miserly with the oxygen in the present Sweden today for the small ones.

In the world we are only a small country with a small population.

By 2017 we became over 10 million citizens in Sweden, 1,9 million of them are born abroad.

By 2015, Sweden had 24 inhabitants / km² (lakes and streams not counted), which is comparable to the average population density of 56 inhabitants / km² (whole area except Antarctica) at this time.

2015, Europe experienced what its governments came to name as “the refugee crisis”. And the Government of Sweden and our primeminister Stefan Löfven experienced the country as overcrowded.

Swedish Prime Minister Stefan Löfven

Stefan Löfven was once recruited from the Union Movement. Never a politician before but he was for many years a skilled work negotiator in a trade union, trained to come to a consensus between stand holders. Sudden becoming a politician and the prime minister he took this mediation ambitions with him: far from his predecessor, the conflict-causing Olof Palme, far from wanting to change the society towards increased equality but focused on preserving the welfare system achieved.

He gave his political agenda the motto “ordning och reda”. It’s an old-fashioned popular working class saying, hard to translate as it is a tautology. But it means “to keep things orderly with no fussing around”, “orderly and clarity”. That’s what we Swedes like, namely. Peace between different stakeholders and no mess.

Now, the prime minister chew this motto all the time giving statements. It has replaced old fashion ideals for a working class movement like “solidarity” and “freedom, equality and brotherhood”. And the members of his staff repeat it after him. All the time! And they don’t know how to smile either.

It’s like we have had too much of past generations patiently built welfare system and now suffer of a heartburn – because we (are expected to) fear others want to come to share.

What once was matters of our working-class hearts are now how to dose bicarbonate.

In practice we have no working class party in Sweden any longer. And the Ministers in the current government demonstrate it in their acting over and over again, like the Finance Minister, Trade Minister, Social Affairs Minister…

Labor and integration minister Ylva Johansson with the presented investigation “Ett ordnat mottagande” (an orderly reception)

And then we have this woman Minister of Labor and Employment, Ylva Johansson! She showed her true colors earlier this year by declare the necessity to restrict the right for the labor unions to strike. This after a very long and infected working conflict between two unions and a Danish employer in the Port of Gothenburg – but she is still a Minister in a government of the labor movement. (Once was…) Now she is in focus again, presenting a state investigation appointed by the government Löfven appointed a “reception inquiry” during the refugee crisis 2015 and on Wednesday it was ready to be presented.

Investigator Martin Olauzon proposes setting up state arrival centers “where all applicants have an orderly meeting with Sweden.” There, authorities and other important actors will be in place so that everything goes smoothly and quickly: the asylum process, Sweden orientation, validation, health investigation.

All asylum seekers will have their first 30 days in a state housing. If an asylum seeker are expected to have good chances being granted asylum, he or she can then look for a housing and living on the own. But if expected to have small chances of asylum, the applier must remain in this state housing. If given a rejection decision, the person is then transported to another state residence, there to be expelled from the country.

What is the difference between forced state housing and detention?

What happens in Sweden? Trump talked about it. Sweden will do it.

 

 

 

 

Posted in create life, immigrants, poems by vonnely, politics, walls | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spring, and I felt like a tapped maple tree

Spring and I felt like a tapped maple tree (after the bloating).

Spring said last week “I’m coming”, but I felt lowered like a tapped maple tree (past two weeks of poor bloating). The nights are still cold and therefore the meteorologists claims “no spring in sight, winter remains”. But we know better, don’t we! Your eyes see the streets are ice free, your ears hear the purling in sewers from the water of melting snow. The snow remains at the roadsides, yes – but looks so very flat and shrunken and done! Winter time is out!

Raise your head and see the clear blue sky! Amazing! And the sun warms your body and you must button up your coat, there you are at the bus stop to next destination. It is spring alright!

But my body feels worn out and my legs are a bit shaky and my bowels are still weak and vulnerable after two weeks of malfunction. A stomach flu is a killer, even if it not kills you.

The advices online are killers too. I read apple cider vinegar can help your bowels. One or two tablespoon in a glass of water, so you are told. Wisely I took only one – wisely I instant spit out.

It would have burn my food pipe – in time! The blogs online tells you to drink it every day and then at time increase the doses. That is not only wrong and sick advices. It will damage your trout.

If you got problems with your bowels, try one teaspoon apple cider vinegar in one cup of water (about 250 to 300 ml. In less a day your bowels will be cured, although your body may still be weak after the days of sickness.

I have been drinking this solution now, one teaspoon to a cup water (or 250 – 300 ml) since Friday. As I then realized I would have to get an appointment at the doctor’s office this Monday, if I wouldn’t recover during the weekend. But the relief in my bowels came immediately. I’m still weak, but not sick.

But again: never swallow one or two tablespoons in one glass of water, please! Remember you can clean your toilet and coffee percolator with a mix of water and vinegar! Would you really want to pour such mixture down your food pipe? No, that would be crazy! One teaspoon to a cup, no more!

I haven’t figure out the cause to my illness. I suspect a soya food intolerance. Maybe it was a stomach virus or a malicious ulcer bacterium, or the whole sudden change in the diet…

…or a psychological thing as sudden becoming a member in a exercising group for diabetics at the health care center: about ten overaged native Swedes in the same small room is certainly more than I can deal with. Maybe it simply was the change from winter to spring, as the season changes never comes easy on people. Maybe…

Anyway, I felt after the sickness like a tapped sugar maple. All drained up. This parable came for me as I, a diligent net surfer and food freak, checked up maple syrup and saw this brutal rape image on a tree. Did you know it takes 60 liters of sap to produce one liter of syrup? That’s not sensible. Really!

Nowadays, we search the web for knowledge, it’s more or less our daily life. And it’s a two-edged sword, this tool we have. It’s not only fake news that can mix up your head, but also all this overwhelming “information” – as for example: what is healthy for you and what to eat and how to live your life.

I have for my own part surf the net about food and about stomachs, ending up too often – by the search engines! – at blogs by young and enthusiastic food bloggers. Well, I try sometimes to determine those writers legitimacy. But whether I instant scroll further or stay for a while reading and checking the site: it’s mostly wasted time.

Blogs are fantastic, a tool available for everyone, but they are both blessings and curses. As far I can judge the majority of all us bloggers our only qualifications are the enthusiasm – and it’s charming of course, if you are a slim and pretty girl of 25. (Why do they all look like fashion models in their “about me” I always ask myself bitterly? Oh, I’m of course just an old grumpy lady, revealed! Yes, yes…!)

Yes well, some of all those enthusiastic young women tells they are trained nutritionists – and life coaches. From this information given I have come to the conclusion it must be a very muddled and trendy addicted training, too depending on different “schools” – not to rely on too much!

You have to evaluate everything you read online and then you have to chat with your own common sense, what to believe in! Take it with a pinch of salt!

Doctor Bircher Benner 1867 – 1939

But what about the sweetness in life? Going vegan now I can sense a craving for sweets, that’s new for me – and certainly unwanted! So far I’ve been able to manage my coffee breaks with peanut butter and unsweetened strawberry jam on rice crackers, but will I next fall in the honeytrap?!

“Alternative” sweetness in Sweden is mostly honey and Birch tree syrup, nowadays synthetic made under the name xylitol. I have never tasted maple syrup, as it’s a relatively “new” product for the Swedes. And I’m an old-time puritan vegetarian, suspicious to camouflaged candy. It’s coming big here. But I’m armed, having an old book about the Bircher Benner diet as antidote, reading in my bed at nights before sleep!

The boomers, now the new retirees’, threats the welfare system as too many of us are expected to become as old as age hundred years or more. But the young hedonistic vegans of today, being in their 20s or early 30s, love to munching yummy desserts every day! I believe they will hardly live much more than to see their 60’s and then die, bang bang! Maybe all this lotus-eating on every blog is a youth rebellion?

Although introvert and lacking social skills, the Swedes are very open-minded to food from other countries. Swedes are obsessed with food diets and recipes. We love Italian pizza, American burgers and Russian blinis – and now we try out American pancakes even with the syrup!

And we Swedes are simply crazy about (create) food blogs with recipes promising happiness and health – and as I already have written: you have to read those blogs with a pinch of salt. What you read there are mostly myths about food and health!

sugar, fat and dairy free fruit gummy bears

If you put on the TV in Sweden and zap between the channels –  on five of ten channels there stands an idiot cooking something and people around him/her are offered testing it and do it with groaning “umh, umh”… It’s disgusting! Oh God! Switch it off!

But the public swallow it, so we must really be starving of “real life”. Overfed and undernourished, some tells!

But for the soul, all you have to do is switch TV channel again and there: a self-appointed lifestyle coach sits in the TV couch making a living talking about “mindfulness”. Those slim, slimy smiling kinds who look into the camera and at you and tell you that you must learn to breathe!

They take my breath away, these swindlers! Making millions and living in luxury villas. And they tell you it is a goal for everyone to strive for personal satisfaction and happiness!

I think Sweden is the most secular country in the world – and with no religion you have a gap in you to fill with something: food for example! If you eat “right” you will not only find physical health, you will be happy too. Nutrition is the big thing in Sweden, replacing religious faith and God himself.

My son claims when the food industry in USA want to try a new product for the own market, like protein powder or whatever can be, they try it out first in Sweden and on the Swedish population. If the Swedes buy the product, then it’s profitable for selling.

Nutrition is the big thing, if the market can’t sell you “happy” pigs – they can sell you green substitute, promising this will make you happy and fulfilled. Yes, if the market can’t sell a “happy” baby pig that would love to be slaughtered for you, it can sell you “green alternatives” with thousand percent in surcharge, because it’s “organic”.

But you are not an animal lost for food production, as a customer you can take a step back and make your choices. You have the power to do it, if you want it!

You may not know this, but trees are also people. Well, at least there are those who experience trees are connected to our souls and trees have in all times been objects of worshipping. It’s called dendrolatry.

No, I’m not a believer, it’s that pic of the maple tree haunting me…  Anyway, “everyone” agrees on without trees and forests, there will be no life for us humans on this earth. Think about it!

Below: Jerry Williams born Sven Erik Fernström April 15, 1942 – 25 March 2018
And what would life be without feeding your soul with music? This last Sunday 25th of March, the Swedish rock legend Jerry Williams died at age 75. He was raised in a working class family and growing up he began to work as a plumber. He pretty soon could abandon the plumbing work for the love of American rock music, becoming a singer to his last days. He never abandoned his roots. And he died with his boots on. Literally.

I don’t know if he ever cleaned the pipes with apple cider vinegar. All I know he kept his private life very private, but he never hide he was a communist through life even he with time become rich by his music career, and he loved German Shepherd dogs, motorbikes and bodybuilding. His cover of  “Working class hero” is the best cover ever made, no doubt! As he knew it all deep down in his soul.

and this is not bad either, it is from last year, he’s going 74 years old man at the time, respect man!:

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